AIBU to keep dd at home due to repeated incidents at school?

I’m surprised school haven’t contacted you. That’s pretty poor form.

I fully agree.

By allowing it to become a far bigger deal than it is. I'm afraid you are really very misguided in the way you have and are continuing to deal with this and are teaching your child a very poor lesson.

By allowing a 5 year old to refuse school.
School is non negotiable. Get her there tomorrow.
Speak to the teacher, speak to the Head. Tell your DD to keep hand and feet to herself and avoid the boys.

You cannot allow her to opt out of school just because it's difficult today.

You really do need to take her in to school. Unless you want to homeschool, in which case, withdraw her.
Tell her not to play with the boys and ask the teacher to keep them apart as much as possible.

Well, since you ask…

she’s learnt that school is optional. If she doesn’t feel like it she doesn’t have to go.

not only does she not have to go, but you’ll take her out for a fun trip instead.

she seemed to be standing up for herself, which is great. She will have to deal with knobbers her whole life, so it’s a good life lesson to learn. But instead of that, you’ve not modelled the behaviour you want to see from her, but rather have modelled that when situations are tough you run away and you don’t deal with it. You’ve run away, rather than going to school.

also, if she needs to learn to make good choices, she’s not blameless here. However, that’s been ignored and lost.

you’ve reframed the conversation. When you spoke to school it was going to be a conversation about the boys behaviour and her behaviour and how to move on. Now it’s a conversation about why she’s not in school. It would have been so much easier to make your point without muddying those waters.

Telling a child that they need to make 'good choices' means that your DD is choosing to get involved in silly/bad behaviour. Telling your daughter she should avoid these boys means she is seeking them out. A lot of children like messing about and hitting each other. They find it immensely fun. When they get hurt or get told off, they get upset and blame the others.

Ask who she would like to play with instead and tell her to join in with them.

I’d be furious with the school. In our school, if the boys did that, they’d have to spend the rest of the day in another classroom with people they don’t know.

It’s not “bother”, it’s bullying. They need to up their game, else I’d look for another school. It’s really not worth the dent on her confidence if the school can’t manage the behaviour.

A lot of this seems to be coming from your daughter rather than the teacher, is that right OP? You say the teacher told you about the pen, and that you have since found out about a number of other things that you're not sure they are fully aware of? You do need to recognize that you almost certainly don't have the full story here , kids of this age almost invariably don't fess yo to what they did, or even recognize that they did something wrong in, say, knocking over their model first, for example (not saying she did but just to illustrate). I was out with a friend and their child recently and they went over to their mum screaming and crying about how my child had hit them and they had done absolutely nothing, totally omitting they'd first hit my child with a rock despite me actually seeing it and telling them not to.

There is a lot of children annoying each other and 'being mean' at this age and frankly that could just mean they took the glue when another kid wanted to keep it, or whatever. I'm not saying there is no need for action, and probably what is taking the time is that the school are trying to get to the bottom of things, but you cannot take your five year old's word as gospel here.

This is getting insane OP. You're keeping her off based on her telling you she doesn't want to go in? There is no safeguarding concern; she hasn't been visciously attacked - this is 2 boisterous boys acting like dicks; her school life will be full of them. Shes proven she can stick up for herself - all she is learning here is that if she kicks off or complains about a bit of bad behaviour she gets to stay off of school. If she turns out to just hate school in general she'll be trying to pull these cards all the time.

Another that says you need to take her back to school tomorrow. She shouldn't have been off the first day, let alone today also.

You need to help her to navigate these situations in life not hide from them!

Wow that is unprofessional!

I had a similar thing (two against one) i spoke to the teacher and asked that they all be moved away from each other she said she didn't really see the need they just needed to leave each other alone I insisted dd be moved she made an immature hoo-ha in class telling dd mummy's making me move you within a week another child approached me asking if I could get them moved too 😂 the other two children were separated and it calmed down sometimes friends need not always be together

This is really cheeky. You posted here wanting engagement and people have responded. Out of order to reduce this to “random”.

She’s 5! She doesn’t get to call the shots here.

you’re projecting, and making a solvable situation a million times worse.

she needs to be in school tomorrow.

You must do every single thing you can do aside from keeping her at home. I fear you’re making things worse.

You know school isn’t optional right?

You are teaching your child if they don’t like something that they don’t have to do it, that if there is a problem you will swoop in and make it better, that they never have to deal with problems, uncomfortable feelings or issues.

I agree with others - the attitude has to be school isn’t optional.

You are doing you kid absolutely no favours by keeping them off and teaching them poor lessons for later. She asked to stay off cause she knew you would cave.

If there are kids hitting etc (which your child is no angel) then go in and speak to the teacher.

Honestly this is at a young age why so many kids develop mental health problems later in life.

But you're the parent so, yes, this is what you have to do. By all means reassure her, and speak to the teacher, but a 5 year old doesn't get to decide.

I think you need to be calling them or going down there with her in the morning or you're going to get into a tricky pattern. I wouldn't just sit at home waiting. They sound pretty odd to not be calling you asap though. They should also be calling to see why she isn't at school!

Has she been off again today? Have you called them again?

Someone should have called you this morning. I’m surprised they haven’t by now. Please do go back in tomorrow and ask to speak to them.