AIBU to wonder if our shared money arrangement is unusual?

It is; though I can’t imagine not knowing even roughly what’s in the bank account the bills get paid from and what and how much they are any more than I can imagine not knowing how the washing machine works or what schedule the children’s school day and extracurriculars run to. Sure, everyone plays to their strengths when it comes to chores and how they get split, but knowing at least the very basics about all of it and being able to take over without issue in the event you had to is just part of being a team.

And often, when an OP is asking if something about their household or their relationship is normal, it’s begun with at least a grain of wondering whether they’re really happy about it.

We have entirely separate money. I pay some bills from my account, he pays some from his. We earn similar so bills are similar. Everything left is ours to spend as we choose although we both tend to spend on family things anyway.

Together for 30 years, married for over 20. It works for us. Everyone should do what works for their family.

Why?

Same. I cannot get my head around feeling resentful of my partner having his own bank account - that seems controlling in the extreme to me.

We have a joint account for household bills and our own personal accounts and thats because we are two autonomous adults and being in a marriage doesnt change that.

Also, from experience I have seen first hand the devastating effects of ONLY having a joint account and I have seen women left bereft and penniless as a result so no, I would never ever do that.

Everyone deserves their own bank account.

Important to acknowledge that he is the principal earner which is a mammoth responsibility.
Important information for those criticising your husband.

I can’t get my head around NOT having your own money! For scenarios such as:

-Buying each others gifts out of the joint account.
~One of you having a really expensive pastime like golf, performance cars, skiiing and draining the money pot. Or being forbidden from doing what they enjoy because it’s joint money not his/hers.
~ One of you getting inheritance from a relative the other partner barely knew and then having to pool the whole lot!
~Havng to account for every treat you want or even a new pair of jeans.
~ Loss of independence and no stash of your own if things go wrong.

We are the same

Why? He didn’t spend his ‘personal spends’ money over 10 months, and then transferred it back to the joint account so it could be used as family money again. What couldn’t you respect about that?

We have all income paid into a joint account, all bills, shopping etc comes out of that account. We both then have a standing order that sends us both the same amount of pocket money each month to our personal accounts. Its handy for buying birthday and christmas prevents without giving the surprise away.

The bills come to a joint email address, so whoever looks first checks it, but as everything is DD no one manages bills as we don’t need to.

We've used this method for nearly 40 years, and it's kept us going through both the skint and the comfortable times. DH does all the admin (which is entertainingly ironic as I'm an accountant), but we make the important decisions together.

We don’t bother with individual personal spending accounts. We just don’t need them as we both spend reasonably.

we divide and conquer on money management. DH handles the monthly stuff. I would have to go figure out how to pay the utilities or things like that. I handle the bigger things like taxes and pensions.

So no, I don’t think you both need to huddle over a spreadsheet once a month. As long as you have transparency and access to money, things are good.

I think it can be common for one to control the finances. It isn't for me though.

We have separate finances which works well for us, I would never agree to joint finances.

Presumably she means that they claim it so that she can get her NI contributions covered, even though the actual child benefit subsequently has to be repaid through her DH's tax return.

Yeah, that level of disengagement and incompetence is probably unusual.

What do you mean you get it for the national insurance?

And yes he doesn’t really know what the bills cost. He does all the laundry, we have our roles!

As a previous poster said, it’s important he does learn this stuff and get comfortable with it, because if you were suddenly taken ill, or died, he’d need to know what “normal” looks like for your household finances and what’s meant to be going where, or he’ll have a pickle on top of already dealing with everything else in your absence.

I’m the opposite, I respect a man like this

This is how we do it. DH is away for work for months at a time so it’s the easiest way. We have a joint account we pay all our income into, we each take a set amount for our own spends, we still have our own accounts. We’ve done it this way since we married.

F

This

I’ve always handled all the money including before we were married/mortgage/had kids, when we earned very little and when things improved.

Its just more my thing and I was better educated around finances and I love a spreadsheet.

It’s how we do ours , everyone id different .