AIBU to wonder if our shared money arrangement is unusual?

We're the same, we don't have our own accounts.

Fully agree - we have our different roles, my husban does the washing and most cleaning, I do the finances - what's not to like? We work together to our individual strengths.

I can't see why. They are happy to divide responsibility. He does his share it seems in working hard and being frugal. And putting their joint interests first.

Yes I agree - what's not to respect, exactly?

Disagree it's not both. We're a high earning family and have the same setup except we don't have separate accounts for personal spends, we use a credit card we each have for any purchases so presents aren't an issue.

We have almost exactly the same setup the only difference is we don't have our own spending accounts. And we're high earners so I don't think it's linked to earnings as one poster suggested. Works for us.

This is exactly how we’ve always done it but we don’t use our separate accounts. From day 1 I’ve dealt with the wages, bills etc. they just go into our joint account and we spend from there. My husband never checks the bank account and his salary is over 5 times mine a month 😂

We’ve always done this. All money into one pot and I’ve always been in charge of it.

I’m trying to get DH more involved in case I croak unexpectedly!

before kids, we earned equally. After kids, I worked fewer hours and took on more of the kids and household, and he worked way more so outearned me by 10 x.

I expect there are a lot of people who do it in a similar way to you.
we do it totally differently but in a way that works for us.
both our wages go into a joint account then once bills are accounted for and joint savings are contributed towards we each have half of what’s left to transfer into our personal accounts. I then transfer mine into different accounts, some for personal spending and some for personal savings. He probably does the same with his but I actually don’t know what he does in terms of spending/saving.

Fair enough :)

Whatever works for you.

Why?

Nope similar set up.

Dh had poor money skills when we were younger so I manage all the finances. I sot him down a couple times a year and show him the spreadsheet and bank accounts

We have the same set up as you , although now the kids are left home we have £250 a month each. I deal with everything when we first got together I was recently divorced and my ex who worked ,controlled the money has taken out a 2nd mortgage I was not aware of until he left. I find thousands of pounds off sent when I married my present husband I swore they would never have full control . He agreed we would do everything together for 2 months we did a meeting to discuss finances and then it defaulted to me . If he wants to spend anything he asks if we can afford it. But then I never spend anything with out discussing it either. 40 years later I worry about what will happen if I die before him. And have begun insisting on monthly meetings , to date he has found a reason not to have one , he is really not interested in money at all. Therefore I have written everything down and my daughter knows where to find it to help him if the day ever comes. He could not tell you how much any of our bills are or how much we have in savings but he is happy with the status quo

Unusual in that you seem to sort all the financial stuff out.

Most of our money goes into a joint account, savings etc. then we each have the same play money for separate hobbies etc.

But we are both fully involved in managing our finances.

I did that calculation purely for the purposes of this thread. DH and I probably haven't discussed it in over 20 years!! I don't think that counts as totting up bills! 😂

We get paid into our own accounts. We then transfer a set amount each into the joint account to cover all joint household bills. I deal with all bills, everything is in my name other than the mortgage which is joint. I sort all DDs or renewals for insurance etc. I pay for all holidays, Christmas and DC birthdays on a CC then DH sends me his half. DH just doesn’t have any interest in any of it, wouldn’t know where to look for a good deal and wouldn’t pick up emails if things needed renewing or reviewing. It’s not necessarily a choice of mine, more so a necessity to enable our house to function.

Why?

It is by law if you’re married.

I wasn’t talking about inheritance though, I was talking about regular income. I’d be worried if you got sick and your spouse thought you were a gold digger for needing money.

Ha ha ha, that’s funny.

That's how my grandparents managed money and it seemed to work for them. I think it was quite common back in a day for a man to give his salary to his wife to manage day-to-day spending. Personally, I am not interested in managing all financial decisions for the family, it's just another form of "wife labour" alongside cooking and cleaning so it's a no from me.

We have always pooled our money. Started when we went traveling /working abroad in our early 20s snd since then all our money goes into joint account and all spending goes out. We do have our own credit cards so if I want to buy something wg a birthday present for DH i can use that so he doesnt spoil the surprise.
we used to earn similar and over the years DH salary has gone up and up whilst I took time off with the kids or worked part time etc. having everything joint means theres pfeaaure on my to contribute half and DH recognises that finances are only one part of raising a family and that my contributions are other things too like being around for the kids, saving on childcare etc

i work full time now the kids are older teenagers and can now focus on my career. DH wfh since covid mostly so does more kid lifts/medical appts etc than me now.

i ahve friends who are constantly working out who soent what on the (joint) kids and transferring money and so on. I would find it exhausting

That’s a ridiculous thing to say!!

No it isnt. My family's money is mine.

Anyone who demands access to it is a gold digger

Well no you don’t want to marry someone you have those feelings for, of course not. That’s irrelevant of what bank account it’s in then.

But family money in terms of day to day spending, it’s good to be able to access it.