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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be peed off

13 replies

Snowbear96 · 14/09/2026 17:03

I’m sat sobbing. I was gifted some money from my grandfather after a family member passed away. He was the executor of the estate and split the money between us.

We want to use it to put a deposit down on a house and obviously need a paper trail of where the money has come from. Fine! Just need bank statements and a letter to say he has gifted it to me and why.

he won’t do it.

he shouted at me down the phone saying he isn’t giving his details or bank statements to anybody as it’s risky.

what else can I do? Im so upset. We love in a sh*tty rented house with problem after problem that we have fully outgrown.

I just want to give my children a nice home we can call our own.

OP posts:
backformoreofthesame · 14/09/2026 17:05

Do you really need HIS bank statements ?

didn’t you get a message or something when he sent you the money ? How did he send you the money ? Did he message saying “what’s your bank - I have money from grandad for you”

iw what is really needed ?

Nofeckingway · 14/09/2026 17:05

Get a copy of the will . Your own bank statement should show the money being transferred . Find out who the solicitor is as he can do it . Ignore the shouty man .

Original poster
Snowbear96 · 14/09/2026 17:06

Yes! They need 3 months so show it was paid into HIS bank from the solicitor, and then passed onto me. No message, just a bank transfer 😭

OP posts:
Raptors · 14/09/2026 17:07

I would double check you actually need him to write a letter. Surely he sent it to your bank which you can show with your statements and you can use the will to show it was an inheritance paid to him?

ETA - surely the solicitor will be able to write a letter to support where the funds came from?

Offherrockingchair · 14/09/2026 17:07

Get the solicitor to write something for you.

Original poster
Snowbear96 · 14/09/2026 17:11

@Nofeckingwaythere wasnt a will sadly. The money wasnt given to me from the solicitor it was from my grandad himseld

OP posts:
NiftyMauvePeer · 14/09/2026 17:14

I’ve had this with a gift to my daughter to help her buy a house recently. It’s money laundering checking & drove me nuts jumping through their hoops. They needed me to prove that the money had been in my accounts for a year at least & if not where it had come from. It felt very intrusive.
But I agree if it’s an inheritance then the will should prove all of that?

Raptors · 14/09/2026 17:14

Maybe I'm misunderstanding but how was he the executor if there was no will??

morgan56 · 14/09/2026 17:19

Speak to your solicitor. We had this issue, it’s rather common with old people 😖 not trusting / wanting to share details
Ours passed through without it & we just explained what it was. Explained old school grandad who will not give anything !
How much was it? As can be an issue for tax purposes if someone elderly is giving their money away

Original poster
Snowbear96 · 14/09/2026 17:19

@RaptorsIm assuming you have to write a name down if you don’t have children

OP posts:
Lovelynames123 · 14/09/2026 17:23

It is a very intrusive process I'm afraid, I was gifted money from my dm and my godmother and they went through the anti money laundering checks with both of them. Mine didn't need a letter, it was an automated thing on the computer so perhaps you could go through it with him?

Delphiniumandlupins · 14/09/2026 17:59

Firstly, keep calm and don't get into a shouting match because he will just double down and not want to admit he has misunderstood or over-reacted. Talk to him about how you are grateful for the money and hope to use it towards a house deposit, what a big difference it will make to your family. We gave a contribution towards DC's house deposit and dealt with their solicitor (don't remember sharing bank statements but we had to complete a declaration that we had no stake in the house). Maybe your grandfather will be happier having contact with a solicitor? His bank can also reassure him that he can safely share copies of bank statements.

MalewhoisLaffinalltheway · 15/09/2026 13:42

NiftyMauvePeer · 14/09/2026 17:14

I’ve had this with a gift to my daughter to help her buy a house recently. It’s money laundering checking & drove me nuts jumping through their hoops. They needed me to prove that the money had been in my accounts for a year at least & if not where it had come from. It felt very intrusive.
But I agree if it’s an inheritance then the will should prove all of that?

Yep, just going through this myself as I'm gifting my son some money for a house purchase.
The solicitor needs to show where the money came from, how it got there in the first place, how it's being transferred to the final benefactor, and you also have to provide a completed gift letter from the solicitor. It's a serious pain in the bottom but it has to be done for money laundering purposes as stated previously.

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