To think I must be doing something wrong for my nearly 4yo to still have meltdowns

12 replies

ab03 · 14/09/2026 15:28

My daughter is 4 soon and is generally very caring, sociable and bright. However, compared to her friends from nursery etc she can't regulate her emotions as well. In the past I have thought her behaviour was normal for her age but now she seems noticeably more volatile.

She screams when she hurts herself which I don't know how to tackle because in the moment she is hurting, I don't want to be telling her off!
She also bursts into very loud tears when she is upset about being told no, and just generally seems more rebellious and stubborn than a lot of other children I know of the same age. We mix with a lot of (upper/) middle class families and wonder if they are doing something I'm not to tackle the behaviour!

YANBU - I could be doing something differently to help her
YABU - this is normal 3-4yo behaviour and probably personality/natural developmental differences

OP posts:

AttachmentFTW · 14/09/2026 22:06

My three, nearly four year olds tantrums seem to be getting worse not better. But I think it's normal. Every one I speak to with kids the same age agrees. They are really starting to get a sense of themselves as independent little beings but they are still so young and vulnerable.

2026newname · 14/09/2026 22:06

Confused why you’ve mentioned you mix with upper and middle class families? Really not relevant to the post.

Grollsch · 14/09/2026 22:02

I'm sorry if this is depressing, but my dd was still having tantrums aged 7 or 8. Even now (aged 15) she is still a sensitive and slightly anxious soul and I think that was something she just couldn't express as a small child. It really helped when she was old enough to talk about her emotions (outside of a tantrum, obviously!)

MCF86 · 14/09/2026 21:46

I don't think it's unusual, especially if it's mostly at home.

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 21:37

This is not unusual. A hug, an obvious bit of fuss when she hurts herself, then distract with something else.

Comtesse · 14/09/2026 21:35

She’s three! Most 3yo kids are having tantrums. I know quite a few teenagers that are still going so don’t worry about that!

ZippyPeer · 14/09/2026 21:33

Probably you are just not there when the 'well behaved' kids are having their tantrums. You at seeing your child's and remembering them.

All the 4 year olds I know still have tantrums

Original poster

ab03 · 14/09/2026 21:17

oberuber · 14/09/2026 17:28

Unless you tell us what you do when she has meltdowns, we can't tell you if you should do something different.

I don't think I always do the same thing so maybe that doesn't help! I do stay calm and hold boundaries but tend not to say very much until the peak of the emotions has passed otherwise I find it just winds her up, but if we are in a rush or she's doing something dangerous or harmful I will manhandle her. I'm wondering if something more general like having a more predictable routine or talking about emotions outside of those situations might help. It also worries me that maybe it's because we've let her watch too much TV. I've cut it down over the past few months to less than an hour a day but I used it a lot to entertain her when her little brother was small

OP posts:

Danikm151 · 14/09/2026 17:41

people say threenager and fournado for a reason. They’re still learning to understand emotions.
I read books with my son at that age like no more tantrums and what is anger.
We also used to do a countdown together to give him a bit of time to calm down.

Octavia64 · 14/09/2026 17:39

She’s 3. Yes it’s completely normal

SummerHolsFinished · 14/09/2026 17:31

Sounds fairly typical in my experience

oberuber · 14/09/2026 17:28

Unless you tell us what you do when she has meltdowns, we can't tell you if you should do something different.

Unflip