To not let my 18yr old DS have his drugs back

Do you have Wize Up in your area? I work with young people and this is a service we have used in the past to some success.

Ooo sorry. That is incredibly frustrating!

Hmm, it’s hard for me to say then. Could still be friends dealing with each other which he will vehemently say he needs to pay back or else! But in that scenario it’s just bluster and they will have to soak up it up/ not give him anymore drugs/ maybe defriend him which would be pretty good outcome.

Even if he does owe the debt to someone bigger and badder I don’t think they will be picking that kind of fight in a middle class area over that quantity so you are pretty safe to put your foot down. So you could just ground him until he gets a job.

He’s a drug dealer. He’s likely to be caught by the police at some point anyway. I know he’s your flesh and blood but you need to report him. The drugs could seriously harm or kill someone else’s son or daughter and then he would be facing a lot worse than he is now.

I am so sorry to hear about the escalation.

https://addictionfamilysupport.org.uk/ is a support service for families of drug users. It was founded by Elizabeth Burton-Phillips who, like you, watched her twin sons escalate from teen weed smokers to more serious drugs. She wrestled with the same questions you’re asking; threw the drugs out, paid the debts off, was robbed by her child, even walking the streets to buy drugs for her withdrawing son at one point. A truly harrowing situation.

She wrote a book called ‘Mum, can you led me twenty quid?’ which you might find helpful in slower time. And she founded this charity to support families in situations like hers.

I once heard her speak about her situation. A totally normal family, with well supported children, where it all went wrong so very quickly.

It's unlikely he has possession of a significant amount of drugs without having paid for them upfront. If you give him (or gave, as you've done this in the past) money to 'pay someone off', it's likely you're just enabling him to get himself a fresh supply.

This is going to escalate. Some very tough decisions are needed now.

This must be such a scary time for your family. When my addict was 18, he said that he had drug debt. The first time we paid up, because we were scared of repercussions. We to had younger children in the house, who needed to be safeguarded. We made the decision to make our son leave home and he moved in to.supported housing, where he received support. He thanked us for throwing him out...he said that he understood why we had to use tough love and stop enabling him. That was a few years ago, today he works, lives independently and has been welcomed back to our family with open arms.
Fortunately I found a 12 Step programme for me www.famanon.org.uk I started to go to meetings, use their literature and let our son go with love.

OP, you know what you need to do. If a stranger left a bag of drugs at your home, you'd call the police. You wouldn't be throwing drugs away and pretending it wasn't happening.
So what we have at the moment is a troubled young man who could really use some CJS involvement and parents burying their heads in the sand and hoping it will all go away. It won't.
Of course, SW needs to be aware, of course, the police need to be aware too. It's really hard to advise anything else beyond this. At the end of the day, your son is selling drugs. There are dozens of parents in your position right now directly because of your son's actions. You yourself wouldn't be worrying about your son right now if someone in the past reported a person who sold him drugs to the police. That's the harsh truth.
You have my full sympathy, it's a difficult situation to find yourself in but "what to do" should be very obvious right now.

Honestly I would show him the door. He’s bringing trouble to your door and you’re likely to be impacted directly now. Get him out of your house and then he might decide that his middle class upbringing wasn’t so bad at all.

You'd be better off throwing him out or contacting the police yourself. The risk of social services being involved due to your younger child if he's picked up by the police would be too high a risk for me.

Not all single parents have these problems with their children and not all of them live on council estates either. Anyone can find themselves a single parent, for what ever circumstances, from all classes.
Cocaine is a class A drug. It can cause death and can also destroy families, look what it's doing to yours!! Its serious and needs dealing with.
This lad needs taking in hand.....I would be tempted to involve the police. What other option have you got at this point? He clearly isn't listening to his parents.

If it had crystals in it's unlikely to be coke. Ketamine comes in small crystals and has to be crushed. I think you need to do what's best to keep your younger children safe. It's very easy for cross contamination to happen if drugs are being left around communal areas of your home.
Are you getting any support for yourself? Emerging Futures offer really good family support if they are in your area.

She’s tried reading the riot act once and it’s escalated from weed to dealing coke.

OP, no words of wisdom, I’d be desperate too.

You’re gonna end up with a brick through your window if he’s got drug debts and is associated with your address. I’d pay off his drug debts and move him back in on the condition he stops selling. But if he continues to sell then I wouldn’t let him round to even visit as it puts the younger child at risk. This is exactly what happened in my family btw and they had to move in the end.

Maybe you could have bought a drug testing kit online and seen what it was. Coke is expensive and he obviously will owe someone for it.
I'd call the police or his community support officer ???
You need to think about moving house if possible. I know it seems a big thing but it would be worth it.

Aren't you worried about repercussions of his debt? I'd be afraid they'll come and smash the windows in
Get ring cameras and maybe an indoor Tapo camera.
You can't pay it off again surely it's just enabling him. He has had no consequences really as he knows you won't do shit about it? Can't you throw him out for a while? He literally left cocaine on the kitchen table surely if you just muddle on he will be trying to live some Walter White lifestyle from your house! Get DH to kick him out until he sorts his life out!

I’d flush it down the toilet, restrict all access to cash if possible and lock up your valuables. I’d give him a warning that if he ever brings drugs into your home again where your other child is that you’ll call the police, have him arrested and change the locks.

Give him one chance and if he does anything like this throw him out.

Get him help for his ADHD and whatever help he will accept but if he blows it he’s gone. Yes sadly he might end up in a worse state but really there’s nothing more you can do for him after this. He’ll likely go on to steal; get into more trouble, cause you and your family untold misery and suffering. He needs the talk now and to face the consequences of his actions if he does it again.

Because I am trying to ascertain whether this is a likely gang related, county lines, or posh boy buys drugs to sell to his mates.

First two you could probably get a tick (loan); later your in all likelihood buying upfront and even if your not no drug dealer is coming to batter down the middle class door of a family in Guildford for 8 lost vials of cocaine.

I don’t think a social is going to help.

What is your social class and where do you live?