To not let my 18yr old DS have his drugs back

I second you. My mother grew up in a single-parent family. Her mother had three children by three different fathers which in the 1950s was scandalous. They had to claim National Assistance (benefits) which was deeply shameful.

No one is more grounded, harder working, more disciplined and mentally stable than my mother. Poverty doesn’t mean you can’t be decent and hard working and make something of your life.

Why are you not going to do that? It seems most likely to work.,

I think you need to take advice from the Youth Justice Service are managing his Youth Referral Order and make them aware of the true extent of the problem.

They will be able to make referrals for supported housing in the area if he meets the criteria, refer into drug treatment, push him toward the ADHD Service, work jointly with police, help him get back into work, and signpost you to sources of support. YJ Services are excellent resources but they need to know what’s going on and that his parental support is now fragile.

i hat to say it OP, but at the moment, providing a safety net for your son is enabling him to carry on like he is. He’s putting you all at risk and this situation is not sustainable. Professional help is out there and the YRO should be a pathway into this.

If this is the boy with £10,000 he will be relieved of that quick smart when word reaches the wrong ears.

Why is he allowed to sleep until 3pm? He’s taking the complete mick out of you. He’s doing whatever he wants and leaving out drugs in a family with a younger child. He’s let you bail him out more than once. He has zero reason to stop unless you make him face the consequences. Nothing will change because it doesn’t have to right now.
I’d contact the SW to ask about supported housing.

He has to leave your home
it’s that simple
you cannot save him or make him
make better choices but you can for your younger child

PPs advocating kick him out, are those that surely support society’s desire to end homelessness.

For someone in @TheSereneBird DSs position it is not just as easy as rocking up to the homeless unit and being placed in a hostel or sheltered accommodation, what with all of the other reprobates in the same position, some with no other choice than to be there because they have been kicked out or had nowhere to be kicked out of in the first place.

Calling the police - he already has a court ruling over him. Would locking him up in cell,
appearing before a magistrate in the morning and being released on bail be of any use?
I used to mentor young boys and have done many court chaperones.

In some ways what is needed is families dealing with this shit. He is OPs DS, she is trying to do something about the situation. We can’t just keep palming our troubled, young people over to the state, It is overwhelmed and struggling.

OP, you need to determine his status in this, dealer, addict or both. Of course he will lie. OP can you afford rehab? Look at how to access the 12 Step Program.

Are family members at hand for a serious intervention. You cannot do this on your own, but your serious engagement and intervention with whatever help or agencies you can reach out to could be the saving of him.

Those drugs could have killed your younger kids. I would ask him to leave. Its for his own good - he needs to come to some kind of realisation and he won't while you are supporting him

Sorry to say but your son is going to be owing a drug dealer a large amount of money for that cocaine that your dh just threw out. Owing money to drug dealers is no laughing matter.

The problem you've got is that if the social catch wind of this, you're going to have them crawling all over you because of the younger child in the house.

Its not right but I'd tell him he's kicked out effective immediately. And then actually do it.

This. As a single parent on a low income my 3 adult kids aren’t dealing fucking coke, they have degrees, responsible jobs (think pilot/school teacher etc) and they’re respectful and productive members of society. You can take your middle class attitude and shove it up your nose.

You do know that he has been dealing weed, it's perfectly reasonable to think that it escalated to harder drugs. So you already know that things are completely out of hand and bailing him out has not done anything to deter him. At what point will you admit that you need professionals involved? And I don't mean his therapist.
It's not your job as a parent to investigate. This is a job for the police.
You are putting yourself and your other child at risk and you need authorities involved to keep you all safe. Including your 18-year-old who is on a very slippery slope right now.

Realistically, I think he’s well past the stage of avoiding more trouble. He’s right in the thick of it and it’s really only a matter of time until he gets his collar felt.
We have bailed him out so many times (usually for large amounts of weed) This’ll be why he’s not getting up until 3pm. He thinks you’ll just do it again and it’ll all be fine until the next time. He just has to fob you off. You’ve done everything you can to keep him safe and he’s taken that and shit all over it.

I think it all boils down to whether or not you trust him to tell you the truth. If you believe the old flannel he’s giving you now, then great. He’ll sort himself out, probably with another loan from you, and everything will be fine until your other child finds it laying about. Or dealers are calling you, threatening to pour petrol through your letterbox if you don’t pay his debt. Or the police are kicking your door in at 5am. Or he steals everything valuable and does a runner. He’s had so many chances and he’s just escalating.

In your shoes, I’d take his key off him and tell him he has to leave. Tell him you love him, you’ll help him find a room in an HMO, or in a flat share. You’ll help him with therapy or rehab. You’ll help him sort his finances out and find employment. You’ll even get the odd bag of basic groceries for him if necessary. But you will not risk the safety of the rest of your family for someone who isn’t willing to change. Best case scenario is that he realises that his little gangster act isn’t quite as exciting when you haven’t got the safety net of a nice, middle class family, and he’ll sort himself out. Worst case scenario doesn’t bear thinking about. But I think he’s delivered you to a crossroads and you have no other sensible choice in the face of his refusal to pack it in.

I can’t begin to imagine what an agonising position you’re in.

The numerous bailouts and poor boundaries with your son has led you here.

You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different outcomes. I would not let him stay in my house with such a cavalier attitude towards the health and safety of his siblings.

Im not suggesting it will be easy telling your son to leave but as long as you continue to be his soft landing, he hasn’t the incentive to get his shit together.

You can not prioritise the safety of your younger children as long as their reckless brother lives under the same roof. Tbe balls in your court, not his.

He is already in trouble.

Sorry no advise. I just wanted to say that parenting a wayward teen is bleedin hard work! Ive been there done it. Anyone who hasn’t tends to see things very black and white and give out of touch advise.

Whatever you do, I wish you luck.

Then he shouldn't be getting into trouble.

I would not facilitate drugs in my house, my child or not. Don't condone this. He won't thank you either way!

For starters, tell him if he lives at home he lives by your rules.

1. In the week you are up no later than 8.30.
2. Any more drugs in the house, itwill go down the toilet and he will need to pack up his things and leave.
3. Need to see his ISA so you know what's going on.

If he gets caught selling coke he will go to prison.
Good luck

You are putting your other child’s life at risk and also you can have your younger child taken away by SS by allowing a drug dealer and drugs to remain in your house!!

do the right thing and report your son to the police as this is only way to sort him out

Chuck him out!!! Anyone bringing drugs into my house would be leaving the same day!! The drugs I’d hand over to the police for proper disposal of

You can buy drug testing kits from Amazon. They are cheap and easy to use. Maybe you can only allow him home if he is clear of drugs.

Respectfully OP, and I appreciate this isn’t an easy thing to do, but you haven’t tried everything because you are still covering for him. He brought 8 bags or whatever of cocaine into your home and left it on the bench where your younger child could have not only seen it but grabbed and taken it. He had admitted to you that he is selling drugs. Ring the police.

If you had the power or sway with him to change his behaviour then you would have been able to do it long before now. You’re not helping him by hiding his criminal activity from the police.