Mumsnet is terrible for my mental health

It’s not really the place to come for empathy and kindness, but perfect if you want your arse handed to you on a plate 😂😭

Hug! Am sorry. Yes, it's difficult in some threads not to get a little involved, esp when reading judgemental, ignorant and hateful posts. People like you are the balance - you've a very good way of getting your point and the truth over and it's wonderful to read.

Saying that, you always have to do what is right for you and if quitting here is it, then that's it! I quit twitter when Elon took over because I found it so bleak, hateful and depressing - and never looked back so do get where you're coming from.

Go easy you and be happy and yes, you really will be missed. :-)

Apparently I'm uneducated, racist, naive, homophobic, and other things that I can't remember.

Exactly. Some posters are sooo defensive and get unnecessarily nasty. There's just no need....

It was quite clear what the poster meant, you just didn't read it properly.

When were kids were younger Mumsnet was terrible for my MH. I would ask a question about their behavior hoping to get some solidarity or a sense that everyone struggles at some point too. Instead it would inevitably end in a pile on of horrible judgy posts telling me I was a bad parent and lazy and just needed to be stricter and etc. It made me feel like such a failure as a mum. The kids were all later diagnosed with autism and ADHD but the judgement and sheer meanness really stayed with me to this day. But it's addictive in a really masochistic way. I don't fully understand it.

This week has been particularly vicious with yet another disability basing thread. Op I'm not sure where all these perfectly behaved children and exemplary parents are, because I haven't come across any. You may find that the parents who believe their children are superior, have a real wake up call later on. That has certainly been my experience twenty years later.

I agree with the others - your posts are very helpful and reasonable. But if it’s affecting your mental health I’d actually advise you to take some time off it again. Don’t stay on our account :)

It's shockingly addictive and pretty toxic. I've got to cut down - may borrow PP's excellent idea of using a chrome widget to limit a browser.

The thing is, I'd rather spend time with women being nasty (here) than with men being nasty (every other SM platform).

I used to get upset by horrible posts and nasty people then I realised that everyone is different and we all think very differently and there are also nasty people in this world so if you can accept that and not let them get to you (let them be twats) and just do you then you can enjoy mumsnet 😎

I like the straight talking sometimes when it’s called for. Some people are rightly challenged on things like their internalised misogyny or prejudice or being unreasonable to in-laws or failing to put their child first over a man etc.

But some take it too far. And nitpick and argue over every single little thing as we saw demonstrated on this thread very quickly!

I had an awful time once when I posted about an OLD experience in AIBU which I later got it moved to relationships.

However I’ve found some things like weight loss and style boards really supportive and fun and light And have enjoyed posting on and starting a few threads on those boards.

YANBU and...
Best I can suggest if you stay, is to focus on posts that give you information, try to disregard people's opinions. Many posters are genuinely posting about their actual experience but it's just their bubble, not facts, just anecdotes.

Many times this place made me feel like a terrible parental failure.

And yet I now have adult children who all talk to me & share their problems. I even had teenagers who I could enjoy (& who told me about their lives). I think they may have forgiven me my many bad points.

On Android it's under the Digital Wellbeing section in Settings.

People who think MN is vicious may not have experience of male dominated platforms like X. I had to be on it for a previous job, and I used to get rape threats/ horrific abuse. No moderation whatsoever, especially after Elon took over.

Reddit is bloody awful as well.

I hide annoying things too. I do consider leaving from time to time and I did for a while.

Posts on Reddit claiming MN horrible.

They've got some nerve!!

I think the internet is just toxic.

Thanks. I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point. I may be addicted! And thanks to adhd, I'm not very good at staying away, even when I know I probably should.

I don't actually mind the robust nature of the debate at all. I just find that the site has become quite toxic these days. There are some truly brilliant people here but there are so many others that make me gradually start to lose my faith in humanity. And I don't feel that MN have figured out an effective way to moderate the site just yet either.

I left Twitter when it became a cesspit too, and I don't miss it at all, but I found it much harder when I tried to leave Mumsnet previously. I'm still pondering it at the moment. I slightly regretted deleting my old account so don't want to rush to delete this one as well. Then again, I am really bad at just staying away and giving myself a break from it.

I think my resilience is probably lower at the moment anyway. Stretched by juggling a demanding job with caring responsibilities for my poor old dad, missing my lovely dd who is away at uni, and depressed by the general state of the world right now. I guess it just makes things seem even more bleak when you come on to MN for some light relief and find that it has become a cesspit here as well.

But genuinely, thanks to all for the kind words and support.

Yes, I think I have a nostalgic view of Mumsnet which is a bit misguided. I had fantastic support on here when my son was growing up particularly on the SEN boards. I tend to avoid the rest of the internet.

True. I’m not on X or Reddit, or FB for that matter. I prefer mn as one of the few non-male dominated platforms going. I also like the lack of algorithms and appreciate mnhq’s values (re women) and the moderation is fine.

I’m not in Reddit but I’m on Twitter (I refuse to call it its new name. That’s one of my big issue with still being there)

My experience is that it very much depends on who you se following. From time to time, I have some crazy posts showing up. I just block or mute, which you can’t do on MN.
There are also people there that I’m very happy to read - some researchers, some real investigative journalists.
What I don’t get is the tearing apart you find on many posts. I would never as, furthermore advice on MN. I’ve tried a few times. People just purposefully misconstruct what you say and then go on the attack all in tge name of ‘straight talking’. It’s much closer to bullying that support in a lot of cases.

The worst thing for me is the time thief it is. I regularly log out of my account then still read it, log back in and before I know it half an hour has gone past, I've wasted my lunch break on someone else's marital problems or someone moaning about Andy Burnham or something I can do nothing about when I could have gone for a walk or read my book. But that's all SM I suppose.