AIBU to move our family from London to my home town?

I live in London commuter land. Tbh we don't often go in at the weekend but having the option is great. Having young children we tend to make more of the beautiful countryside around us. We are also very aware that as our children grow London will become more doable and we anticipate going more often.

We moved from zone 2 to 3 when we had kids. We can still commute to the West End in 25 minutes.

Does the cost of Dh commuting and having to stay in London offset the cheaper housing? What about the separation long term, and the effect it would have on your relationship with him, his relationship with your children and the overall family dynamic?

I'd be inclined to just move a bit further out of London to a greener area. London suburbs and commuter villages can give you the best of both worlds. Look for somewhere that is door to door around 1 hour commute. You will find bigger gardens and houses, still accessible on rail or tube lines in zones 3-6.

I think you need to consider if your DH may be obliged to be in the London office five days a week, should a dinosaur boss be appointed. And the nature of his journey to and from your home town.

I echo pp about living separately for part of the week, that’s a big strain on a marriage.

Neither myself nor my husband are from London. We met at University here. When we had kids, we wondered whether we should leave like so many of our peers were doing. We then stuck it out. We have had no regrets.

In the teen-years they were independent and we had to do barely any ferrying around other than picking them from late nights out. We are a family that definitely make the most of London, whether that’s museums, galleries, theatre or musicals. We absolutely love it here. The kids went to University elsewhere but came back to London and they have been able to stay at home when they started their graduate jobs.

I am biased because despite not being from here I think London is the best city on earth and a fabulous place for children.

But we are all different and if your heart is telling you you need to leave, you must go.

I moved from z2 to z4, yes it’s not as exciting, hip & I have less buzz on my doorstep however I don’t have that life anymore. Juggling dc & work means I can’t just pop into that new bar on a whim. But my dc can walk to school & all their extracurriculars which is great now they are getting older.

Head home sounds like the right thing for you and your family

many places have plenty for kids and teens to do and the clean air isn’t to be laughed at

but be careful not to romanticise things - people move on and places change

Different parts of London have different pollution levels. I grew up in London, many of us do and we turn out fine 😆

100% my kids rarely step into the garden now unless it’s to get under a hose in the summer.

Why would you think you are being unreasonable?

Agree with many other posters really. Try to look at the bigger picture as the kids get older. Teens like to be busy, attend clubs, do sports/ whatever. It’s good for their independence if they can get around by themselves. Does your home town, have good public transport links? Do the buses and trains run into the evening? Or would you be ferrying kids around all week? Do you enjoy gardening? Kids get bored of gardens once they hit a certain age ( well mine did!). How would you feel about being a single parent for half the week?

Lots to consider.

If you’ve got the budget for London flat and a family home why not look at a more commutable city so he has some work life balance? It doesn’t sound like your home town would really be best for you all. Maybe you just need to explore why you feel attached to it now even though your lives have moved on?

Hi OP
We left London for 5 years and came back as we rented our place out thankfully. I had rose tinted glasses when thinking of my hometown. It hasn't moved on with the time and once you get used to a London lifestyle it was hard for us to adapt. We moved back during primary years. Kids are in secondary now and they have so much choice and freedom, we are so glad we moved back. Our saving grace was that we rented in our hometown and didn't sell our London home otherwise we couldn't have moved back. We know 3 other families that did exactly the same. So I do understand why you want to leave. Pollution is reducing every year as most buses and Ubers are electric. I monitor levels daily I am a bit obsessed. We are also zone 2 east. Could a move out to zones 4/5 be the compromise. Looking back I was too focused on what I'd gain and not what I would lose by leaving London.

Now, I have so much freedom compared to my friends in the suburbs. Kids go to school with friends or alone, it's fine not what people think. And free! Everything is close by so again, daily clubs they take themselves, socialising with friends also local and easy. Sorry for the rambling message but good luck with whatever you choose.

All this whilst DH is living in the city so unable to pitch in with anything AND probably enjoying all that the city has to offer because what else would he do in the evening.

I live in London. South east zone 3. The schools are fantastic - country leading and free. There’s so much green space. So much to do, I often take my tween to concerts and theatre and the like in the evenings.

Housing is a fucker, but if you can afford a house in your home town AND a studio in London which is a could few hundred thousand then you can afford a nice 3 bed in a nice area.

I know many people who have moved away. Some love it. But some really regret it. Schools are just rubbish in a lot of the country and ferrying kids around all the time is a nightmare. A lot of smaller towns have a lot of issues with ‘petty’ violence amongst teens too. I’d check all that out.

If you think living separately for half the week will work for your family - then do it.
Go for it.
🙂

I think a big drawback would be your DH not being in the home Monday to Thursday. That is a huge negative and not to be under-estimated. He’ll have a long commute both those days, you’ll be tired when he gets home and be ready for some me-time. He’ll also be tired and feel out of the loop and slightly dis-engaged. How will you feel when you’re knee-deep in school runs, dinners, after school activities and your DH calls to tell you he’s off to the gym/out with friends/relaxing on the sofa? Or you’re by yourself working full/part-time and have to juggle sick days/school holidays, all by yourself ?

Think what this would look like when the kids are older, especially with DH working away. What happens when they want to do clubs in different directions at the same time, or you need to pick the oldest ( then early secondary) up from a club when the younger two should be in bed. I grew up in a rural area and now live in outer London, even this far out the freedom my teenage DS has is way more than I could’ve and while I do often give him a lift to clubs etc he can get to almost all of them by himself if needs be.

To add - everywhere is hard with 3 DC under 5.
And your options for things to do as an adult or family and how to get to these places may be much more limited elsewhere.

I doubt your kids will thank you for the change once they are looking for work.

I think London is amazing for kids and teens.
I don't know your hometown so can't comment on it, but in general terms if I was possibly leaving London I'd want to look deeper into schools, public transport, shops and facilities, and things to do. I'd spend a bit of time there to get a better sense of how much is really going on over time e.g. does one great theatre show come to town a year? Is that enough for you?
And I agree with those saying investigate all the things your kids do or are interested in; everything is so available in London that it's easy to start assuming it will all be present wherever you go.

I can’t add much to what others have said, except to reinforce that London is a great place for children and teens and, if they don’t enjoy living in your hometown, later your children may not thank you for taking them away from London. (This has been much discussed on previous relocation threads).

May seem like eons away but London is so easy to navigate and amazing once the youngest is around 4-5y old.
Even better for teens - you can do as much or as little as you want.