AIBU to move our family from London to my home town?

But how many parks does a family need?
There might be 3000 in London but how many would a family use?
Little children want a play park. Older kids a skateboard ramp or a football pitch.
My friends who live in a tiny village have that !

There really is a lot more in London.

A small theatre, woodland and meadows…
London has 3000 parks, 100s of museums and 100s of theatres, not to mention music spaces, activity centres etc and short train rides out to the countryside in all directions.

Based on your list it is incomparable, although that doesn’t mean it suits everyone or is to everyone’s taste.

Moved from a large city (not London) to a very rural location 2 years ago. With husband and three small boys. Zero regrets. Trees & Fresh cool air. Peace& quiet. Endless space for the children to play safely. No pollution or car noise. Veggie garden, kitchen garden, orchard, pets etc plenty to keep everyone busy !

We toyed with this idea when our children were young and because we didn't grow up in London. Now they are in their teens, I'm so glad we stayed in London. They are totally independent at getting around. They take themselves to hobbies, friends, school, summer courses work experience etc. They also use the parks a lot, so a garden seems less important. I know lots of these things are available outside of London, but not all of them are and they are not so easily accessible. There are also a lot of choices for six form that suit a really wide range of abilities/interests. It has also been really good for my work as I was able to retrain and find a new job relatively easily. I would have found that much tougher outside of London.

It was hardest when they were toddlers but it gets so much easier once they are all able to walk a decent distance and we could ditch the buggy.

We left London when our DC were 3 and 1. We had lived there for 12 years together, DH is from London but we moved to Scotland to my hometown. It was a completely different way of life especially for DH but one of the best things we ever did.

We initially rented our flat out for a few years then sold it and built a house. Dh started off working away a lot but now works from home nearly all the time. There are some things that the kids can't do that they could have easily done in London but they have had a fantastic education at a small state school in the country are now at excellent universities so I would not change a single thing we did.

DH is in London Monday to Wednesday or Thursday every week and it is a thousand times harder than we thought it would be.

He’s exhausted all the time from work plus the commute (which has got much harder on him as he gets older).

The kids miss him and need him more as they’ve got older: when they were under 5 it was me they wanted, and he was a fun optional extra, but the boys are now 9 and 11 and honestly they need their dad more than they need me, I only see that need increasing as we head into adolescence.

I’m exhausted from running the house and caring for the kids alone all week - when he’s here he wants to have quality/fun time with them so is a great fun dad but does nothing practical.

And when we have a problem of any kind (eg hospital visits, household emergency) he is hours away. You can think it’s only going to be 3 hours or whatever, but if you’re unlucky the transport links break down just when you need him. It once took him 12 hours to get home, after I’d called him to come home in an emergency.

Moving out of London was a mistake for us.

I would move to zone 3/4. It seems crazy that you would consider moving to somewhere that your DH can't be with his family half the week. That makes no sense at all.

By all means get a bigger house/garden/less pollution but you don't need to move mile and miles for that.

X

Solo parenting really sucks and is such a juggle someone always loses out on clubs etc. It's difficult to estimate the toll you would be under.

Having solo parented extensively and now the load is shared to the extent I can do pickup and club with one , he does pick up and club with the other - I would never go back to how frazzled and stretched i was.

Definitely this. Zone 2 East is maybe somewhere like Walthamstow. You might find Wanstead or a bit further along the Central or Elizabeth lines would give you everything. Or somewhere like Blackheath or Chislehurst will still offer you nice cafes/bars etc and easy access to London life with great schools and lots of geeen space.

London state schools are great and of course there is an integrated, reasonably priced public transport system, and just about every service you could ever need not too far away.

My daughter has moved to a town just outside the London boundary to live with her boyfriend. Buses are few and far between and really expensive - she is learning to drive, something she never needed when she lived with us.

I'm surprised by how different the vibe is, even though we are actually pretty close.

Plenty of people do move and are happy, but London isn't all pollution - it has lots of plus points too. Would a move to somewhere in London with more green space work?

I’m well outside London with open countryside 5 minutes away, plenty of restaurants and country pubs too. . Pretty cosmopolitan . 25 minutes from Paddington - my son commutes to central London and is often home before his London colleagues . My feeling is you need to explore other places and get out of the ‘it’s London or Home Town’ mindset.

Honestly the main thing to me is denying them their father part of the week. DH worked away for a short period while DD1 was a baby and we both were adamant we’d do anything to have him back a commutable distance. At the primary stage you will have children wanting to do different activities on weeknights, he won’t be able to help with homework, he literally won’t be there. There’s no size house that makes up for not having two present parents.

For me it's the quantity and range of stuff.
A small theatre and museum – great. But I like to know I can go to the British Museum, or John Soane's, or the National Theatre, or the Kiln, or the Young Vic, or etc etc.

But you can have all these things outside of London you know.

I live in a town in Essex. We have a decent high street with waitrose and lots of other shops and it's only a few miles ( buses available) to 3 larger towns.

2 secondary schools and at least 5 primary schools in the town

Football, cricket, rugby and a number of other sports clubs. 3 golf courses

A small theatre, museum, woodland and meadows.

Kids clubs, army and air cadets.

So don't really see what I'm missing compared to London

I wouldn't want to live half the week apart from DH, it can be very hard on a relationship and on kids.
London is really great for teens.
Personally I'd just move out a zone or 2, or into the commuter belt.
What is it about your home town that appeals?

I wouldnt expect my partner to be away half the week. If your worried about pollution look into it, do you have enough money to move to somewhere leafy on the main line to london kenley, caterham, staines etc.

We moved to a small town from London and to be completely honest it’s been hard to get used to and I do fantasise about moving back!

I’m struggling to see either option as a positive. I’m so not a London person though and love the quieter pace of life. There is zero way I’d even entertain my dh being away 3/4 days a week with 1 child let alone 3! We are 40 mins from King’s Cross on the train and 25mins to Cambridge by car and we’re always astounded that people pay an astronomical amount for a tiny house to live in London when there are some beautiful places that are an easy commute to London. Seems a no brainer to me to look at somewhere commutable but further out then you get your husband and a nicer location for your family.

London’s pollution is now classified as low- moderate and not much higher than most other cities. If you live in a high traffic area there are plenty of green low pollution spaces in South East London!

Could you not have bought where you live now if you grew up in London? I’m confused. Most people leave the family town at some point

Have you considered somewhere an hour on the train away - I used to live in South Northamptonshire and I could get to Euston in 50-60 mins? Bedfordshire villages are nice, hertfordshire etc…. just thinking about having a realistic commute so your DH can be at home more.

I grew up in London and at 15 my parents decided to sell up and move, partly for my dad’s job but also they could see how expensive London was becoming and also changing . I obviously resented at the time but it was the best thing they could have done for us ( I have a sister) . We own houses that even in my NW10 area would be in the 3m , obviously way out of our price range , we are on the edge of wonderful villages and countryside but also have access to large towns and cites . My sister was able to have her own pony , a dream she’d never have fulfilled in London. Was it perfect , of course not , nothing is but my parents made huge sacrifices for us. I lost my dad 2 months ago , he’d often say we did it for you girls and the family , and all our adult children have their own homes and good lives, potentially not possible property wise in London. Your children are young and will adapt easily.

Exactly. When mine were young, our garden was the place to be. Kids and more kids, played in the paddling pool, football, hide and seek. Fast toward 10 years, DP and I are left with a garden we pay someone else to maintain. No kids, no play, nothing. A garden isn’t the be all and end all, unless you like gardening ( OP doesn’t she said)

It wouldn't be for me. Having my husband away half the week. Plus London is a fabulous place to grow up, provided you live in a decent bit.