Aibu to think that time is the only thing that will allow me to heal?

What an absolute selfish bastard 😡

OP you are doing all the right things and yes, you just have to give it time. It's such a shock when you discover that ther person you thought was a good guy for 16 years turns out to be a selfish, lazy, useless parent. He should be ashamed of himself.

Luckily, your little one has you and you are an amazing parent! If you can, try and snatch some time for yourself (maybe an arrangement with another parent to give each other a break, or a friend's teenager to do a bit of babysitting?) Check that he is paying all the maintenance that you are due, if he's not going to do any actual parenting, he should at least pay what he's supposed to!

Life with such a young child is a bit relentless when you're doing it all yourself. Please know that it does get easier as they get older and you won't always be in the trenches like this. And don't think you'll be alone forever, there are decent men out there. For right now, concentrate on self care and doing little things to treat yourself - favourite foods, soak in a luxurious bubble bath, comfy pj's, curling up and watching something funny, coffee and chat with your mates. One day soon you will wake up and realise that you feel lighter and the sadness has gone. You will get there 💐

Once you have a child, being a parent isn't bloody optional! Can you face challenging the amount he pays and the time he spends with his child, and get him to increase both?

I'd be so tempted to call his bluff, meet him for a coffee one day and say, "Ive been thinking and I agree with you. I don't think being a parent is the right sort of lifestyle for me either. What shall we do - private adoption or see if anyone in either of our families wants her?" Just to cover your back, write down in advance, that you are committed to your child, and making this up in order to drive home to him how utterly immature and selfish his behaviour is, in case he tries to use it against you. Check what his reaction is, and if he is shocked, then say, 'Can you now see how awful your behaviour has been. You need to step up and take a fair share of the physical and financial responsibility of raising our child.'

Other than this - get into the habit of patting yourself on the back often for how well you are doing. And maybe make some long lists of things that are fun and free or very low cost, and make sure you do them - both things for you and things for the pair of you or for your child. Enjoying nature, making great playlists of soothing or uplifting music, comedy on TV or youtube, fitness and yoga and mediatation on Youtube. Free online courses in anything that interests you. Good novels from the library. There's lots of stuff around. Look out for free activities - story time at the library, craft sessions at fairs, free music concerts or local festivals etc.

Could you and another single mum take turns to have each other's child once a week, so you get an weeknight evening off to recharge or get on with some admin, or to go to a class.

Maybe each time you do something fun for free, put a bit of money away into a savings account and once every couple of months, blow some of it on a good treat or some new clothes, and keep the rest building up for Christmas or another holiday.

You're absolutely right time and processing all the emotions. I'm 3 years down the line from my DH walking out after 25 years, for another woman. I won't pretend it's been easy but I have e more good days than bad now and you are doing all the right things.

Well done for booking yourself a holiday for you and your child!

Is your DH paying you privately? Or have you looked at the CMS calculator to see what he should be ACTUALLY paying?

Is your ex coming round to the house for 5 hours? Im sorry OP but he sounds sh*t!!. Why isn't he collecting his child on a Friday till Monday on ANY of the weeks?

Time. Honestly

And cutting contact with your ex to text only - the fucking prick

Maybe request more maintenance?

Xxx