Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

Not asking in case they say no is not on at all.

What's he going to do if you're told on arrival that you can't bring it in, have a row on the doorstep on Christmas day?! How is that better than asking politely beforehand?!

I'd probably message your son and say 'Dad and I were talking about Christmas, he'd like to bring some beer/wine/whatever is that ok? Do you want us to get some posh soft drinks too for you and Sally?'

Sorry, he’ll be bored if he can’t have an alcoholic drink?

I think you’d be totally fine to take some alcohol in this scenario.

I have a friend who doesn’t drink but she gets some wine and beers in if she’s hosting a bunch of us. I’d probably drink less than usual if the hosts weren’t drinking but enjoying a few nice drinks on Christmas Day doesn’t sound like it would be an issue.

That is not the point.

Anyone (unless addicted) can go without alcohol, but it is Christmas, it's tradition to have drinks. I don't drink either, but have tons of the stuff for others if they want it.

OP, is there a hidden story here at all? Does GF call the shots, and/or is DS the boss, and are you fearful of either or both of them? Because it is weird that you feel you must ask a bunch of strangers first before just normally asking or telling them what you will bring with you, including alcohol.

It isn't just one meal it's Christmas day. My parents rarely drank but they did get a couple of bottles of beer and a bottle of sherry in for Christmas. If you don't want to that's fine, each to their own.

I’d take drink for myself and husband. Your son knows you have a drink at Christmas.
Then take something else tor the hosts.
eg chocolates / sweets / biscuits/ and ask of you can contribute eg buy the Turkey ?

I don’t drink and id find it weird you couldn’t go one meal without alcohol

I would just take whatever you like to drink and say when you get there that you have brought your own because you know they don't drink. If they have bought in specially for you nothing lost. If you say you want to drink beforehand they will probably feel obliged to buy something.

Just ask them- no biggie. You could do it as part of a more general query about what they'd like you to bring as a contribution to the festivities.

Just for context, is it just the four of you or will there be other family members (either yours or the GF's) there too and do they drink?

Oh and I also provided all the drinks lol I'm a good host thou 😂

It's odd you need to ask at all, but you should be able to ask with no stress.

This reads like alcohol dependence: I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
and I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Fwiw, I don't drink and would be fine about people bringing alcohol, except if they are problem/unpleasant drinkers - but then I'd probably avoid Christmas with them full stop as they would always want to drink.

No I don't drink !
I had my family round Saturday and everyone drinking except me and my son !
They should b ok if they comfortable with not drinking !!

I find it a bit sad he would be ‘bored’ spending Christmas Day with his family if he couldn’t drink. But it doesn’t sound like they will object to it so I don’t see an issue. Assuming he’s not getting blotto and being obnoxious.

You would be welcome to bring alcohol to mine as long as you didn’t expect me to drink it.

Regarding them buying alcohol for you to drink, I think that depends on what you like. In-laws like the higher end of things and I would have no idea what to buy (cost isn’t an issue). Whereas mine have bog standard stuff that would be easy to cater for.

The alcohol isn’t the real problem there!

I don’t drink.

my question is why don’t you like the idea of a drink free Christmas? Why will your dh be “bored” if he doesn’t drink?

it says more about the drinkers imo that they can’t cope with a social event without the need for alcohol. Surely you can make conversation, chat, have a great time without alcohol?

it’s a common perception that non drinkers are the boring ones, when ime it’s the drinkers. The alcohol just makes them think they are funny, that they are chatty, witty and engaging, when the reality is they get to a point where it’s just drunk nonsense, they get arsey when others join in the drunken behavior, and then fall asleep on the sofa.

so, what is it about alcohol that makes other people less boring? are you saying your son and dil are not good company and you need alchohol to get through an afternoon with them?

Why would he be bored spending time with his family without an alcoholic drink?
It's a shame he can't enjoy Christmas without alcohol. But if it's that important to you both why don't you just ask your son if he would mind if you took some alcohol with you.

And, importantly, how good will the gravy be if it’s not got red wine or brandy in it?!

So have you said you’ll be attending? Ask if there anything they want you to bring “can we bring anything cheese, pudding, wine?” And see what he says.

If they are anti drink that’s one thing but if they don’t care but it might not occur to them to provide it that’s different.

Surely to goodness this is a very easy conversation to have with your son!!!!
Or have you never met the man??

Dear son. Thanks for the invite. Dad and I will bring our own wine unless either of you have any objections.

In the scenario you highlight, I wouldn't think twie about bringing drinnks with me. I would not necessarily assume that your son and DIL would provide or even if they did, they might not know what to so I'd say something to DS and ask what you can bring alongside, obviously wine/beer for the dinkers.

The only time I would not feel comfortale taking alcohol is if there's a very specific reason for not drinking. eg DH has family who don't drink for religious reasons. I wouldn't think twice about having a drink when they come to us, but I absolutely would not take wine to their house - that feels disrespectful to them.