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Original poster

Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

253 replies

oppositehearts · 14/09/2026 13:18

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

OP posts:
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Justkeepsmilingx · 16/09/2026 10:11

Livpool · 16/09/2026 09:15

Fair enough - I just don’t think there is any difference. I do judge people who drink coffee silently though - vile stuff 🤮. I still allow them to have it 😂.

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😂

Livpool · 16/09/2026 09:15

Justkeepsmilingx · 15/09/2026 23:47

I don’t know why it’s strange isn’t it. I just felt he knew I didn’t drink and we didn’t have it in the house and that I would have arranged something else so I felt it was rude. It was almost like me inviting them for lunch and cooking lunch and then him bringing a piece of pork and saying ‘I don’t like Sunday dinner without pork so I have bought this - where is the meat plate’. I just felt it was rude when he knew I would have sorted other things to drink.

I don’t drink tea either - but that is because I don’t like the taste - but always have it in and make it for people. I just think it is different with alcohol.

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Fair enough - I just don’t think there is any difference. I do judge people who drink coffee silently though - vile stuff 🤮. I still allow them to have it 😂.

EasternStandard · 16/09/2026 06:40

Yes it’s your ds, he knows you do drink. Take it with you.

maxslice · 16/09/2026 06:04

It depends on how close we are. And the context,

GabriellaFaith · 16/09/2026 00:36

I think it depends entirely on their reasons for not drinking. If its going to make them feel really arkward like some vegetarians don't want meat in their house, it's different to if they avoid drink for health reasons 🤷🏻‍♀️ (just as examples!)

Justkeepsmilingx · 15/09/2026 23:47

Livpool · 15/09/2026 22:28

Why though? Me and DH don’t drink coffee, never do. We keep coffee in case a visitor asks for it. I wouldn’t begrudge people having what they like, as a host.

I don’t think why can’t you enjoy tea, water or juice? I don’t consider it a judgement on my hosting. It’s just preference.

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I don’t know why it’s strange isn’t it. I just felt he knew I didn’t drink and we didn’t have it in the house and that I would have arranged something else so I felt it was rude. It was almost like me inviting them for lunch and cooking lunch and then him bringing a piece of pork and saying ‘I don’t like Sunday dinner without pork so I have bought this - where is the meat plate’. I just felt it was rude when he knew I would have sorted other things to drink.

I don’t drink tea either - but that is because I don’t like the taste - but always have it in and make it for people. I just think it is different with alcohol.

Realworld10 · 15/09/2026 22:57

Of course, unless they ask not to!

Livpool · 15/09/2026 22:28

Justkeepsmilingx · 14/09/2026 18:10

Just one point of view - but I don’t drink and never have - my family friends and husbands family all know I don’t drink - a few years ago I was hosting a meal for family as I often did ….. I had got lots of things in to drink (posh drinks and pop) but none of them alcoholic as I also always did when I hosted and everyone was as far as I know happy and was comfortable either way that.

My BIL arrived one time with bottles of wine and said ‘You can’t have Sunday lunch without wine I don’t like it, where are the glasses’ and I was really quite hurt. Almost like my hosting and food wasn’t enough. I wouldn’t take meat to a house where they didn’t eat meat. I just think it is something that made me feel abit rubbish.

There are loads of soft drinks you can have - not just cola type drinks, some really nice ones. Could he possible find something else he likes just for that day ?

I can see why he doesn’t want to ask incase they say no - but he might end up making them feel he didn’t think about how they would feel if he just took drink knowing they wouldn’t have it in the house.

But only you know them and would have an idea of how it would make them feel.

Why though? Me and DH don’t drink coffee, never do. We keep coffee in case a visitor asks for it. I wouldn’t begrudge people having what they like, as a host.

I don’t think why can’t you enjoy tea, water or juice? I don’t consider it a judgement on my hosting. It’s just preference.

Shellyshep · 15/09/2026 21:07

I don’t drink and never really have (don’t like the taste of alcohol) but whenever I have anyone over for dinner, a BBQ or Christmas I always have plenty of alcohol in the house for other people. I think it would be very odd if people came to visit and I offered them only soft drinks. If you don’t think it would cross your sons mind to get some alcohol in for you then just say for him not to bother himself with sorting out alcoholic drinks for Christmas as you will bring your own. That way he knows you will be drinking

godmum56 · 15/09/2026 19:15

Flowerponyfan · 15/09/2026 18:53

I would have no problem taking a bottle of wine or champagne to have with my Christmas meal. Just because they don’t enjoy alcohol doesn’t mean you should not enjoy a drink on Christmas Day.

but would you do it without asking?

Flowerponyfan · 15/09/2026 18:53

I would have no problem taking a bottle of wine or champagne to have with my Christmas meal. Just because they don’t enjoy alcohol doesn’t mean you should not enjoy a drink on Christmas Day.

summersolsticesoon · 15/09/2026 08:57

Offer to take wine and non alcoholic wine or an alternative maybe ask their preference?

Flamingojune · 14/09/2026 21:00

A small hip flask to sup surreptitiously in the toilet or behind the christmas tree might do the trick

TunnocksOrDeath · 14/09/2026 20:59

Ask any collection of people who don't drink why not, and you'll get multiple different answers. Just among my own friends and acquaintances the list runs: religion, fitness, detox, metabolism slowing, personal addiction, triggers memories of a loved-one's addiction, makes people act stupid, don't like the taste, don't like the hangovers, too expensive, and prefers weed.
Depending on which of these applies, they might be fine with you drinking in their home, or very upset, or any place in between. None of us can guess.

FriendlyNPC · 14/09/2026 20:56

Honestly?

If I knew they weren't alcoholics or whatever, I'd just tell them I'd be bringing a bottle of wine or whatever.

This is your son, come on OP, just ask him if you're not comfortable doing that!

SevenYellowHammers · 14/09/2026 20:45

JoyChansey · 14/09/2026 20:38

Bring a bottle for yourselves, and take something else non-alcoholic for your hosts.

⬆️

JoyChansey · 14/09/2026 20:38

Bring a bottle for yourselves, and take something else non-alcoholic for your hosts.

BishBashBoshDumpling · 14/09/2026 20:30

Very very fancy coffee. Monmouth, Hot Numbers or other fancy roastery.

HunterBidensTanktop · 14/09/2026 20:12

AlwaysExtraHot · 14/09/2026 18:23

Do you drink? Because if you don't I don't know how to explain why a dull day would be easier with alcohol other than...it just is!
No but I used to. I genuinely can't think of a boring occasion that was livened up by there being alcohol there though.

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You clearly haven't met my relatives.😉

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 14/09/2026 19:04

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 17:21

Yes but presumably not because you'd be bored without it.

Loads of people look forward to something, that's not the same as being bored without it.

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Yes but presumably not because you'd be bored without it.

That very much depends on which family members are about!

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 19:01

FirmSnake · 14/09/2026 18:58

How do you spend Christmas?

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Having a nice time.

user1464187087 · 14/09/2026 19:01

Notsosweetcaroline · 14/09/2026 18:07

when someone says they fancy a drink on Xmas day on mumsnet,,,

Brilliant! 😀
And actually the son may be unbelievably boring! 😀

FirmSnake · 14/09/2026 18:58

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 18:49

Your Christmases sound rubbish!

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How do you spend Christmas?

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 18:49

Millytante · 14/09/2026 17:59

Oh, rot. It’s perfectly rational to find Christmas Day, and Boxing Day too, pretty gruelling if you are stuck visiting/hosting from morning to night, telly all hysterics and sentimental, the meal possibly composed of many foods you don’t even like, and Aunt Perpetua going on about George VI during the King’s Speech…etc etc.
But it needn’t matter, it’s a deep-rooted tradition which we will happily observe irrespective of quite a few parts we dislike. Light boozing with the continual supply of food oils the long day, soothing easily ruffled nerves or irritable resistance to having to ‘do’ Christmas at all! .

But there’s a lot of pretty Puritanical attitudes around, and nothing anyone can say will excuse (for them) a view of alcohol as a person’s cheerful friend rather than a coiled serpent waiting to ensnare us.
What they overlook is that many of us are capable adults, able to discern whether or not this or that indulgence is a good idea.
It is these people, not the unfortunates who are indeed enslaved, whom the thread should focus on.

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Your Christmases sound rubbish!

thisismeithinkorisit · 14/09/2026 18:44

I'd question if DS is offering to host so Dad / Step Dad doesn't drink?
You're going for dinner, there will be games, you're together with both your boys but Dad will be bored unless he's drinking. So much does he have to drink to enjoy everyone's company? And what's he like once he has one too many?

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