Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

You have referred to it being a bank holiday weekend and then refer to a bank holiday Monday.

What country are you in? If it’s UK there isn’t a BH in October so I am really confused.

Could u go and stay in a nice child friendly hotel for a night or 2 as a treat?

Sure, fine. But then you should also get a break.

I think if you get a break and he takes your son to his parents, while you can roll your eyes all you want (quietly, behind his back) I don't think you get to decide how he looks after DS when he's in sole charge. So yes, fine, he's tired from a work trip and he wants a lads weekend, no problem. But what are you going to do. And if you dont want a weekend away, which to be fair, was often how I felt - it just felt like more work ad more organising and more expense on my side - then think about what you WOULD like and tell him this is what YOU need for that break.

In my case, it would most likely have been a day out with a friend and alone - eg heading off early, meet a friend, do some shopping, maybe lunch, then probably an afternoon by myself in a cafe reading my book or at the pool at our gym.

I have to admit, what I would have liked even MORE but DH struggled with this, would be for HIM to take DS out early on a saturday and be gone all or at least MOST Of the day. So that I could start my morning slow, chill then head out before they got back. But, fabulous though DH is in a million ways, it just wasn't something he could/would do (to be honest, still the case - he is NOT a morning person).

I think it's just unlucky the way it has fallen. If he doesn't so it often, I can't see what the problem is. As a person that likes going on trips with my friends, if my other half tried to stop them I would be pissed!

Yes you will be solo parenting for a weekend, but it's only a weekend. It can be as stressful/easy going as you make it! Have fun and do exactly what you want to do.

I also don't think it's a biggie if he spends his solo parent time with his parents, the more the merrier!

My DH worked away a lot so I spent a lot of time solo parenting. It wasn't fun for him, he worked long hours and would much rather have come home than have a solo late dinner in the hotel and a hotel room on his own (although I used to fantasise about this when I was looking after 5 kids and not getting a moment to myself! 😂)

I think it's bad timing but I'd be ok with him going. Just make sure he owes you a weekend and get together with your friends and make a plan for a lovely relaxing spa break soon!

I'd expect to be able to do that if it came up for me so wouldn't have an issue with it because that's how we do things. I wouldn't expect to be told I couldn't so why should he? As long as you going away for a long weekend is not an issue, him going away shouldn't be. OK he's been away for work but that's life, the timing is just off for you. Fill the weekend with stuff like park trips, movie evenings, making cakes and pizzas, that sort of stuff

I personally wouldn’t care at all. I think it really depends on how much he puts in when he is at home. And are you overwhelmed and not getting enough rest and you feel like the division isn’t fair. Going away for work is very tiring (I find it at least) but you do get uninterrupted sleep with it so I think it balances it out.

I understand OP. My DH also used to work away a lot and after he went to Vegas for a 4 day work trip and I was left with our two boys (7 and 10 at the time) I told him I thought I’d earnt some time to myself. Luckily he agreed and I went to Lanzarote on my own for 3 nights. Best thing ever! Strangely he’s not worked away for as long ever since and tends to try and stay home where he can rather than just agreeing to every work trip that’s not entirely necessary. I think he realised how bloody hard it is when it was him doing ALL the parenting for an extended period of time.

She’s not a single parent .
Why are you asking an irrelevant question to OPS situation?
It’s like saying “ Bet you’d manage fine if he was in a wheelchair “ .
Do you see my point ?
That would be a statement that makes no sense

I really don’t see the issue. It’s a few days once in a blue moon

arrange to see someone /do something with friends - his parents ? Your parents /family

I don't understand that you can't look after your 4yr old for three days ?? but your ok through the week as your at work ? What would you do if you were a single parent ?

As long as it's not something he does regularly, and I was also free to book a long weekend away with friends sometime soon I wouldn't have an issue. Could you book a day out with friends over the long weekend so you aren't just 1:1 with him all weekend?

I think he’s being selfish OP .
Anyway it’s the holiday’s , he should want to be home with you guys .
Just tell him he’s not going 😂.
I have to put in that laughing emoji or I’ll be inundated with posters telling me how controlling I am 🙈 😂

Are you a SAHM?

I think they are too seperate issues here. One is that you need to make sure you have fun and get away also. The 2nd issue is possibly does your DH actually help out enough @Slumberqueeen

A long weekend away wouldn't bother me tbh. I would just also plan a Spa trip or something.

Also your DS is going to want to see Daddy!

What should be happening is that you get to go away for a few days for some rest and downtime.

He only thinks work trips are tiring because he’s never had sole care of an energetic toddler.

It sounds like the bigger issue is the life admin and active parenting and I’d make it my mission in life to offload much more onto him. Plus it would be exhausting for me too so there would be a very clear conversation where I said I’m supporting your career by doing all the parenting so you can travel for work. That’s very tiring. You’re showing your appreciating me by then taking a bank holiday weekend for yourself - no wait, there is no appreciation there. I’m just more exhausted. When are you going to take a substantial chunk of parenting on and give me a break? I need you to come up with some genuine substantial plans or I will be sleeping at a hotel myself for a week or two while you juggle the family load, I’m overloaded, fatigued and unappreciated and it’s about time you took on more practical role here.

I think it's pretty selfish behaviour on his part OP given how much time you spend lone parenting when he is away from home with his work..
Sounds as though family life and you aren't much of a priority in his life.

YANBU in asking him not to go especially when he doesn’t seem to have ever looked after DS solo for more than a few hours!

Well if you rarely get away & he does a lot , it would be an issue for me too.
You say he works away quite a bit , everyone knows working away still means socialising in the evenings with collegues, I’m not implying party , party , but some down time none the less & with fellow adults.
Anyway, with him just back after a week yeah I’d be pissed off with it .
You’ll get countless on here telling you how cool they’d be with it , shite talk by lots of them 🙄