Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

You and your child together are his family and should always come first.

Not his mates.

He is pulling the man rank thing here.
I think you need to have a long talk with him about what you expect from him as a father and a husband.

He is getting of lightly.

He does everything on the Weds and Thurs evenings before he leaves, sets it up for success for you. Its 1 x 4 year old, not a toddler, nor a newborn baby.

The fact that you dread it so much suggests to me that he is normally an equal partner so you miss him doing his share. If he was a lazy useless man, him being away wouldn't make a difference, as you'd be doing it all anyway.

The timing is annoying but it’s not the crime of the century.

You need a plan to fill the 3 days. Go visit family? Take a little mini break - ferry to england and take him to CBeebies land. Something fun to make it special for you and him. A confidence booster that you can do it alone.

As long as he knows he owes you and you actually book to go away somewhere or say out or what not with your own friends.

Could you do something special like a little haven caravan with entertainment or a theme park/farm/soft play? Then you can let him burn some energy
Then chippy tea and movie night!

YANBU my ex husband coming and going as he pleased essentially contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. My career took a hit and the resentment ate into the relationship. But he still did what he pleased. Not saying your relationship is like that but I think it’s worth looking at the bigger picture. Do think feel fair/even between you?

My thoughts too. Its not that difficult. If OP wants time away fine she can voice that and have the weekend after. Sorted right? I dont see the drama...

I would get on with it and have time to myself the next time I could. I have said multiple times recently: normal adult things don't need to stop just because a couple has children

and not saying the OP does this but the idea that mums need to be glued to their children because they seperation anxierty does not mean fathers have to do the same

And no one needs to be a martyr couples just have to work it all out like adults

This is mumsnet, where week long stag do's visiting brothels is fine and all in good fun, so don't expect anyone to give a shit about you, your exhaustion, or fairness.

Make sure you book a long weekend away and ensure he's there to do all parenting. Massage, girls night, bubbly, long lies, the lot. Do not make excuses, just do it.

You're owed it.

I wouldn’t be thrilled either, but would accept that the timing is not his fault. I would absolutely be booking myself some time away the next weekend, though. And I’d be telling him he needs to not be giving himself a week-long hangover leaving me to do everything once he gets back too.

It's unfortunate that the timing is a bit shit but not his fault . You should really say he should go and try and try to sound upbeat about it.

I really think it shouldn't be a big deal to parent one four year old child by yourself . If you don't fancy being alone could you go visit your parents ? Or meet up with a friend with kids for pizza , etc.

It's a one off . Be gracious.

This

complete non issue in my opinion. but you should get equal free time so that up to you to schedule

If he’s normally a present dad and partner when he’s here I’d let it go this time but Let him
know it’s not ideal and it needs better planning in future.

Personally, i'd be a little bit peeved that his weekend away was straight after a week away with work and made sure I booked a nice weekend away with friends to compensate but I'd get on with it and plan activities with my DS.
I'd enjoy having some time with him if he does 4 days a week in nursery..take him swimming, have a day out somewhere, have easy meals at home and keep your expectations low.

Throw some money at it and go to Center Parcs or somewhere similar. It will be better than being at home on your own. Or could you jump on your DP's holiday?
I don't think your DH is being unreasonable tbh. Everyone deserves a little fun. Just make sure you get yours!

Timing will always dictate that these things come up together. I go on a girls weekend at that time of the year most years and dh just waves me off because he knows I’ll come back ready to jump into Christmas. If you think he deserves it then just let it go but make sure the two of you do something nice afterwards, a night away or date night and make sure you get some time away too!!

Very gently, I do think you're being a bit unreasonable.
Him being away for work isn't something he can help, I assume? Would he be able to do his job without the travel, for example?
The weekend away timing is poor, I'll give you that. But, three days with your own child should be ok, surely? Yes, it's tiring, but can you arrange to meet up with others, to let the kids run a bit ragged, you get a coffee, and then they'll sleep at night!! Go to bed at 9pm, if necessary; hell, go to bed when your child does....
AND, make sure you get a weekend away with your pals/on your own, ASAP. Get it in the diary, and make sure it happens before his next non-work trip. What's good for the gander, and all that.....

I think YABU as it seems a bit like you're punishing him for having to work away.

It’s tough going when you’re carrying everything to support husbands career. My husband worked abroad for a year when I was pregnant with my third baby and my first two were very small. He was gone for 2-3 weeks at a time and was only home for 1-2 nights every 2-3 weeks. And when he was home he was exhausted.
I dropped my working outside the home down to 2.5-3days a week in order to survive ! (No family support)
if it’s just you and your son together for the bank hol weekend why don’t you book a centre parcs weekend or a similar trip to a child -friendly hotel with a pool etc. as a nice treat

I’m in Ireland too OP 🙌 😊

Moving forward, friends need to check availability of those going before just randomly picking a date. Then a date could have been picked that wasn’t immediately after a pre arranged work trip.

Where do you live ? There’s no bank holiday in October?
Won’t you be at work / nursery on the Monday ?
Are you in Ireland?

There's no bank holidays in October in England so ???