AIBU to challenge a school mum for involving the children?

Scenario 1. Daisy's mum has said this to her daughter who's then carried it into school, in which case Daisy's mum is a bit of an arsehole and you're losing nothing by not being friends with her. Confronting her is likely to lead to Daisy being told not to speak to your DD and cause issues for the children. I wouldn't.

Scenario 2. Daisy is havering (talking rubbish for the non Scots among us), as 5 year olds can tend to do. Confronting Daisy's mum leads to WTF are you on about and you look a fool.

Scenario 3 (IMO most likely). Daisy's mum is indeed not that keen on you, we can't be everyone's cup of tea. Daisy has overheard a conversation between Mum and Dad or mum and an adult friend and taken it upon herself to repeat it to your DD. Confronting Daisy's mum likely to lead to mutual embarrassment and awkwardness.

I'd let it go, I can't see any way that bringing it up to Daisy's mum improves relationships, just be polite when you see her and continue to facilitate DD and Daisy being friends if that's what DD wants but not pursue any closeness with the mum.

My DS said exactly the same thing to me when he was 6 and in yr 1: "X says her mum doesn't like you." I figured there were two possibilities here. First and most likely, something got lost in six year old translation: maybe she just didn't list me when asked who her friends were or whatever. If so, not a problem. Second, she did tell her 6yo she didn't like me, and if so, that's not the behaviour of someone whose opinion I value, and so it's not worth my time to address it.

In either case, the best course of action was to do nothing. And the same goes for you.

I’d like to know what on earth you think you’d gain by doing this, other than looking absolutely unhinged. “My daughter says your daughter said you don’t like me” - really?? You will gain absolutely nothing from confronting her (other than a reputation for being, putting it politely, a bit odd). Don’t go there, OP.

Mothers of children in primary school aren’t more likely than the rest of the population to be bitchy. And it is perfectly possible to dislike someone without being jealous!

You can't control what she says around her own kid and you don't know whether the kid overheard or what was going on.

Just back off.

I saw a thing today that states that confrontation and resolution is only for if you want to have a relationship with someone as its designed to bring you closer.

So decide if you really want that.

If it was me....I would speak to your mutual first. I'd imagine she might know what is going on?

Some parents really do need to watch their mouths in front of their kids.

Absolutely not, do not create a drama out of nothing?

Wouldn't you be so embarassed to actually say to another adult 'Molly says Daisy told her you don't like me'??? Gossip from 5 year olds!
I'd be mortified 😂

Just adding to the chorus of let it go. No good can come of confronting her.

I wouldn't trust Daisy at all. They say all kind of crap being so young.

MN does like to brand people as jealous.

She might have excellent reasons for being stony faced.

She might have excellent reasons for not liking the OP

She might in fact like the OP perfectly well and is in blissful ignorance of all this overthinking

Also I’ll bet the reason she is cold towards you is that she’s jealous/threatened of the friendship you have with her friend

primary can be a minefield for this kind of thing. It used to amaze me how much bitching and unpleasantness there was. Just stay neutral, be polite to everyone, but be wary of who you trust and get close to

You have no idea what the Mum said to Daisy.

Perhaps Daisy misinterpreted.
Perhaps Daisy was evesdropping on an adult conversation.
Perhaps Daisy’s Mum was talking about an entirely different “Tumble” and didn’t mean you at all.
Perhaps Daisy was lying.

If she actually said it (and you have no idea) I guarantee she didn’t intend her little Angel to repeat it to your DD.

If you confront her about it you will just end up embarrassed. And none of your mutual friends will think you were in the right for confronting her.

Just in case there aren’t enough people telling you not to do this OP… Do not do this OP!!! No no no. Step away. Do not respond. Do not get sucked in.

DD5 had told me that you’ve said to Daisy that you don’t like me. This is fine, I have no problems and I’m sorry if I’ve ever done anything to upset you. But what I don’t appreciate is getting the children involved as it’s not fair on them.

You don't know that the mum has said this to Daisy. Daisy might have got confused or heard her mum talking to someone else.

You will be giving this woman the green light to blow up at you. Don't do it, just be polite but distant.

Don't do this! You are likely not getting the real/full story.

When my eldest DD was about 4, I'd been explaining how fast young children's brains develop as they learn lots of new things and how amazing it is. And then a couple of weeks later her amazing brain translated this into "mummy says old people are not very clever" and she delivered this gem pointedly to her older-lady teacher 🤣

"What is right" is not listening to third hand gossip. Maybe Daisy's mum doesn't like you. That's fine - no one has to like everyone, and you have no idea how she told her daughter. Maybe she said that she doesn't like the way you let your child watch TV after school, and the rest was lost in translation.

You are going to have to get on with this woman for the next few years. Be polite and distant.

Don’t do it.

she won’t admit or apologise and she will say she has no idea what you’re talking about. She’ll portray you as a psycho trouble maker to the other parents.

my child has just finished primary. I wasted far too much headspace on women like this in the beginning and it’s not worth it

just continue being civil to her

I wouldn’t say anything. You have no idea exactly what Daisy or her mother did or didn’t say. Young children muddle things up all the time. I would just have said something like “Oh dear, well not everybody is going to like us all the time” to my DD and then moved on to something else.

I agree with PPs, don’t say anything.

My friend moved house a few months ago and had a couple of odd comments (friendly, but didn’t make sense) from other mums at school about how lovely it must be to be able to swim in the heatwave, and “I guess X’s next birthday will be a pool party!”. Turns out her daughter had told everyone they had a swimming pool - in fact they had just moved nearer to the local pool, and this had got lost in translation amongst the 6 year olds.

You’ve no idea what this woman said, in what context, or whether she knew her child was listening. And even if she flatly said to her DD “I don’t like X’s mother”, well that’s her issue and I doubt she’d take kindly to you telling her what not to say to her child (even though I’d agree that ideally you don’t slag off other parents to your children).

Firstly 5 year olds are not reliable narrators. Secondly you have to know these people for another six years so you don't want six years of awkwardness at the school gate. Thirdly yes in life not everyone likes everyone you just have to let it go.

Daisy's mum probably doesn't even know who you are. The stony-faced ones only care about the people who can provide something to them. Also, children get these things wrong all the time. On the off chance that she did say it, you will get an earful if you confront her. Totally ignore her, or continue to be courteous to her.

Goodness OP. No!

Model to your daughter how not to get sucked into drama. It isn’t standing up for yourself it is taking the word of the unreliable narrator to cause further ill will.

My son had a friend whose mum liked to point out to other adults what they had done wrong or how their children had been unkind etc. She could never work out why she always fell out with people. She was always getting sucked in when she should have modelled how to live your life happily without getting involved with the dipshits.

My 6yr old just told me her best friend thinks that I’m not the smartest person and infact Arlo is smarter than me. No-one knows who Arlo is…. Kids say stuff ALL THE TIME. They are absolutely not reliable narrators.

Take it with a pinch of salt, even if she doesn’t like you and is bitching about you so what? Don’t feed it, you don’t always have to have it out with people, just match her vibe and ignore her.

You will look crazy.

You have no idea if Daisy even said it. If she did say it, you have no idea if she made it up entirely or it’s something she decided from observing. And even if Mum did say it, you have no idea if she reasonably could have known Daisy was in ear shot. My son has overheard things when we’d have been sure he couldn’t.

I get that it hurts, but 5 year olds sometimes get things wrong. Or get things too right. I had a friends son say similar, but to me. In front of his mum. She went purple, and spluttered something unconvincing about him having misheard. But it was quite funny to see her reaction. She'd clearly spoken in front of her child without expecting it to be discussed the next day/week/whenever. She was however a nice person.

Teaching time for your dd. 'Thats's ok. Not everyone likes everyone else. We can still be polite and kind. And I have lots of other friends like X and Y.'

You and Daisy can still be friends if you want. But not if you don't want to. Just be polite and kind.