AIBU to challenge a school mum for involving the children?

Possible the children have misheard but even if not I imagine the Mum would just deny it and suggest you are being over the top. I would however treat her with caution in future!

Don't say anything. Children misunderstand, exaggerate and some tell bare faced lies! You have absolutely no proof that this child's Mum does dislike you at all. It's all built on hearsay and comes from two 5 year olds!

Let it go.

YABU because she may not have meant for her child to overhear.

"Also it’s not exactly how I envisioned having the hard conversation with a 5 year old that not everyone you will meet in life will be your friend or kind about you."

This ^^ should have been a conversation long before your child started school.

I sometimes (often) talk about other people in front of the kids, even to them at times!

Edited to add this isn't just straight up bitching but I will be honest about what I think about others and/or their behaviours etc. I don't think it's a bad thing for kids to realise a bit of reality - not everyone gets on or does stuff you agree with.

My DD knows about "at home" conversations and doesn't repeat them but if she did and someone then told me off for her having heard it..... 😂

You don't get to police what other people do with their own kids. If she doesn't like you then that's her opinion and she can tell whoever she wants!

A 5yo girl in my DS class told him that her mummy does not like him (DS)… her mum had never even met my DS.

The same girl also told my DS that his mummy (me) won’t like the drawing that he did!

Some kids are just little menaces and lie… you will just make yourself look completely ridiculous if you mention this to her unfortunately. Even if it’s true you will sound petty. Deep breaths and rise above it.

Any thread starting with "AIBU to challenge a school mum"
generally deserves a resounding NO 😂

It's the children who go to school, not the parents. Leave the drama to the 5 yo, you are too old for that.

Honestly? Whether or not this woman likes you is of no interest to you.

Someone upthread has said that this woman is probably jealous of you. This is unlikely - mainly because jealousy is actually a rare emotion. If there were a swingometer, going between “utterly adores” and “absolutely detests”, most people would find that they fall around the middle - mild indifference.

Yes, agreed.

I don't think I'd say anything unless it escalates.

Relationships in small rural schools can be difficult and any pushback could result in DD being left out of parties and playdates. The pool is so small you may be forced to grit your teeth through things you wouldn't usually put up with for DD's sake.

If neither you nor DD are upset by it, I'd let it go and just not bother with her going forward.

If you feel you can trust your mutual friend, I'd consider telling her, just so there's some external knowledge of it and to stop her trying to arrange future get togethers involving you both.

It could be something as simple as jealousy that you share a mutual friend she wanted to herself.

Some school Moms are absolutely unhinged, IMO.

Best to not feed the beast unless you have to.

If you do anything based on what 2 5yo reported, you will make sure more than one person doesn't like you and keep a wide berth from you , which means your own child will be punished because no one want to invite the child of that parent.

By all means don’t like me but don’t bitch about me to/in ear shot of your daughter. that's absolutely none of your business what a mum tells her own child! You know nothing of the discussion or what the child overhear, but if a mother tells her kid that they dislike someone, it's absolutely their right.

If she tells YOUR child, then we have a problem, but hers?

Who do you think you are telling other parents how to raise their own kids 😂

In my school gate days I was usually thinking about my workday and worrying about some issue I had to solve.

I was very polite to all the school gate Mums and Dads but, no, I didn’t like them all. Why should I?

I certainly didn’t expect that they’d all like me.

Why are you getting worked up over the stories of 5 year olds? My DD has had the same said to her in primary school, I'm pretty sure it was just an attempt from the child to hurt my DD. The mum seemed like a mature and reasonable woman, I had no need to think that she would be telling her young child she didn't like me. If she had, so what? If someone wants to expose their child to that more fool them, it will bite them when their child gets older and has no respect and a mean streak.

It is the self-proclaimed “not confrontational” people that I’d be wary of

along with “I just tell it how it is”; “I am too honest” “I am too nice”

It's the non-confrontational people I'd be wary of, they are the ones most likely to bottle up their emotions and then explode at an innocent person.

Rise above it OP…….continue to say ‘good morning’ etc and leave it at that…..above all, do NOT apologise, if she’s upset over something you might have done then she should be an adult and speak to you ffs! And don’t bad mouth her to your own child.

The fact you fall hook line and sinker for what your 5 year old has said and leapt on it in fact.

The fact you even think this is appropriate….

… I would hedge a bet you are actually very lairy confrontational in RL

Yabu

I’m not scared of confrontation but I don’t think this is something that needs dealing with - you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.

It was simply mentioned to/in front of her child that she doesn’t like you. Yes that’s bad form but it’s not like she’s trying to turn her child against yours, or instigating a hate campaign against you. Honestly you’re creating drama where there is none if you say something. Just let it go.

I will preface by saying I’m the most un-confrontational person.

on the basis of this thread, I would dispute that

I think you should confront her in front of the other school mums for getting the kids involved. Now you, this mum and the two five year olds are all involved. Tell her she shouldn’t be using her child to create drama - that’s definitely the best way to handle this. Model to your daughter you won’t stand for this behaviour and teach her anyone who doesn’t like her must be confronted and they MUST offer an explanation she finds sufficient!!!

Do not do anything. 5 years old make things up, misunderstand things that they overheard, recount things totally wrong. The poor woman may not have said anything of the sort, Your child and theirs could be in school together for may years, be at the same clubs etc out of school. Do not make an enemy out of someone when you have no idea if it was said or not.

Tbh op, even if I'd told my dd you were the witch queen from hell, if you came up to me and said this I'd tell you 5 year olds are unreliable narrators and the little darlings must've gotten themselves muddled. There's no way anyone can prove anything here so you'd just end up looking a bit unhinged!

My sons attended an at-home childminder along with the children of my best friend. There was one mom who was like you described. Very unfriendly, ignored when we said "good morning", etc. My friend and I were baffled as to why and discussed it periodically.

Well, once we apparently discussed it when my oldest was in earshot, which I did not realize. The next day when I picked them up my son said to me "Don't worry mom, I took care of the problem you have with Mrs. Jones." I said "what do you mean you took care of it?" "I told her that my mom and her friend hate you and say you are terribly unfriendly". I almost ran off the road. (I am still currently hanging my head in embarrassment).

Oh God - please don't!! You cannot rely on tiny children's he-said-she-said and you have to be in the same playground as this woman for years. Give her a nice breezy smile and move on.

Just let it go. Don’t be a drama llama .🦙

She might have excellent reasons for being stony faced

Yeah it's my natural look. I sometimes remember to slap a smile on but I just naturally look a bit miserable even when I've had a good day.