AIBU to say my husband should manage his own uniform cleaning?

that's not the same logic at all, the same logic would mean he should notice you're low on milk while at work, while you can't be bothered to open the fridge and check

Not having paid employment does mean you help out more because he's busy funding your unpaid leisure time, yes. Nothing to do with the military, and it's irrelevant if you are male, female, or a same sex couple. Same answer.

I did say that he was ridiculous to hide dirty clothing with clean laundry. Again, both BU

But she's not a mind reader. She's also looking after their children and helping the local community by volunteering at their school.

Leaving clothes on the floor for others to pick up is inexcusable. I bet he never did that as a junior in the military. You'd have thought that he'd have been trained out of such slovenly behaviour.

My dad was in the military for a while - his uniform was his responsibility - down to ironing, although my mum would iron 'normal' work shirts/trousers for him otherwise.

In fact, for mess events, he also took responsibility for my mum's dresses, making sure that she had something suitable that she was comfortable wearing.

YANBU. You are not a mind-reader.

I think you are getting a hard time here as you do work - I assume you will want the novel you are writing published?

As you and your HK have been taking uniform to the dry cleaners I think it is fair he expects you to do that for him BUT only if he took the responsibility for telling you it needed doing. As for complaining that there was cat hair on his uniform because he cba to put it away/hang it up tidily - that's all on him. I assume he is an officer and probably inspects squaddies' accommodation from time to time and imagine he'd not be impressed if they just dumped their clothes on the floor.....

@Crispychillifriedbeef Have you ever had a specific conversation with your DH about this? As in, has he asked you to sort out his uniform and agreed what you'd do and what he would do?

It's unreasonable for him to expect you to sort out his clothes like he was a child, where you are totally in control of what gets washed/dry cleaned etc. Mainly because you don't know his schedule or what needs doing when. You could agree to a system where you do the practical steps of getting things dry cleaned with an agreed system of when/how you do that eg he gives you any uniform to be dry cleaned on a specific day of the week.

I must admit though that I thought that part of military training was being fully responsible for your own uniform at all times? Maybe it's different in different countries.

I‘d think since he is funding your lifestyle the least you could do is ensure he has the uniform required to bring in the money.

Your husband expects you to look after him so he doesn't have to think about mundane things like stained clothes. In his eyes you failed to look after him! Back in the real world decent husbands mention if they would like their wives to do something for them,

I cannot understand why he would return a dirty uniform to the wardrobe. How were you/your housekeeper know that it was stained/dirty? Does he expect you to keep track of what uniform he wears everyday?

Why did he leave his trousers on the floor particularly when you have a cat? Did he expect you or your housekeeper hang them up?

Sounds like he wants a maid rather than a wife.

You are not his valet at all but he's at work, you are not, so you reasonably have more time to take things to the dry cleaning

I don’t mind helping with household things
how generous, it's your home too, and you don't work but he does 😂

Which is my point, you are both BU here

In most set-ups, I would say YANBU

but with your description of you being basically a housewife, with a housekeeper and the luxury to study and follow your interests in life, then YABU a bit

He shouldn't hang his uniform with the clean laundry after wearing it, who does that or leave them on the floor, but it doesn't sound outrageous to take already worn clothing to the dry cleaner.

So both wrong, and you should help out if he dispose of his own clothes reasonably, and doesn't hide dirty clothes among the clean ones, even my kids dont' do that 😂

You are not his servant. He is having a laugh.

My father was exactly the same. He's the officer and everyone else is there to facilitate that. So despite not having a housekeeper, cook or cleaner my Mum was expected to ensure he was perfectly turned out every day. Fortunately he spent a lot of time at sea so he did have staff but when he was shore based she was essentially his staff and we were his underlings. (Bitter? Me? You bet!)

In most circumstances I would say that YANBU, however given that you're basically a SAHM who is in a financial position to pursue her unpaid interests, with a housekeeper who also does laundry as well as you so that it is usually done and ready for your DH, I'd hazard that he has a point.

It would be obvious that any uniform that comes home with a stain will need cleaning irrespective of when it's next needed. The military likes to spring surprises on their staff so it's not always known in advance what uniform is needed when.

We expect are military to be prepared and ready so it's not too much to ask that the part of that equation that you have been supporting so far isn't suddenly 'forgotten' about albeit even if it was just an oversight.

Even if you don't work and have agreed responsibility for household tasks, he does need to tell you of any time criticial 'uniform needs to be dry cleaned before X date' needs.

You're also not there to pick up after him, so if he leaves clothes on the floor and the cat sleeps on them, that's entirely down to him. He needs to put them somewhere where the cat can't get to them, otherwise they're fair game, says she who's not been able to sort a parcel that needs returning for the last week because the cat has claimed the box as her bed.

Are you a housewife?

I think you are being unreasonable, you should immediately apologise and assure him you are not capable of guessing when he spilt his soup. Going forward he can be sure of immaculate uniform if he does it himself.

He is obviously so perfect he will be able to look in the mirror and pat himself on the head!

I’d have imagined that being responsible for his own uniform was a fundamental part of being in the military!

So you’re being kind to even take part by taking it to the cleaners etc- he should at least be letting you know when it needs doing/ putting it in the correct place etc

I can’t imagine “oh my wife didn’t do it for me” would wash as an excuse with his superiors - like saying “my Mum didn’t pack my bag” or similar at school. Even in the Scouts they’re expected to be responsible for their own stuff and “my Mum didn’t do it”
doesn’t wash.

Ok, I think you're being batshit crazy in needing reassurance here.

You'd be better off putting your energy into making sure he lets you know in future what needs to be cleaned.

I agree with you , if his uniforms need cleaning he needs to let you or your housekeeper know.