AIBU to say my husband should manage his own uniform cleaning?

But he does earn the money. With a part time house keeper and a wife at home it's hard to see why he should be doing much round the house tbh But yes he should tell you if something needs to go to the cleaners.

Or, maybe if you’ve done all this before and decided just not to, it would have made sense to let him know beforehand. If you didn’t want to do it, you never should have done it. Doing it then just stopping without letting him know is quite unreasonable.

My husband does the vast majority of cooking. He always has done. If he just stopped now without saying so, that would piss me off.

Your husband’s uniforms are his responsibility. My aunt got so frustrated at being expected to deal with her husband’s army uniforms that she ironed the creases out of his dress uniform. She said she was in hysterics when he came through, apoplectic with rage, wearing the trousers with the seams ironed into creases ( so sideways on). When she stopped laughing she told him that she had warned him that she was ironing them for the last time…. And it definitely was the last time!!

i am incredibly shocked at the replies. Since when was it acceptable to dump clothes on the floor and expect our partners to know what to do with it? In fact more often the mumsnet advice is - leave it and laundry will only be done for kids/partners if they put the items in the correct laundry basket. He's a grown man he can sort out his own clothes. It's irrelevant if OP is a SAHM or has a housekeeper. Nonetheless, she has her own ventures and doesn't rely on him.

When it comes to a military uniform that’s on him, it’s literally a part of his job!

So if an Officers spouse earns more than them, would the Officer be responsible for the Spouses laundry?

Or two married Officers... do each others?

My partner was ex military. He was perfectly capable of looking after his own clothes and doing his own laundry. Just like your husband should be.

He's started to see you as staff, which you need to nip in the bud right away. When I was a sahm I was willing to do all laundry but I expected it to be put in the laundry basket - there's no way I'd be picking up after a man who leaves his clothes on the floor - you are his wife not his maid!

Yes you are a sahm/housewife, but presumably he couldn't have a military career without you taking responsibility for the whole household in his absence. You sah probably suits him as much as you.

He should certainly be asking you to do dry cleaning if there's a stain - you aren't psychic !

I think what a lot of people here are missing is that you are working, you are working on a book which is no mean feat, you are also a student, to say nothing of volunteering with young readers... what you are not is a housekeeper. Your husband has a tongue in his head, he needs to learn to use it when he has dribbled on his uniform and he also needs to pick up after himself, I had rather thought that was a selling point for a man in the military.

I agree you absolutely should not be rifiling through his ward/floordrobe looking to see what needs cleaned, he shouldn't be assuming that this is your responsibility.

some pretty nasty comments here. Officer’s wife here too of almost 20 years. I have mostly had my own career during that time but when we were posted abroad I wasn’t able to work due to a variety of local and tax regulations. As a military wife it is expected that we make huge sacrifices in the name of the military, including pausing our own careers and generally having a pretty disrupted life. Suggesting therefore that OP is basically sponging off her husband is incorrect and disrespectful. It is also quite normal for domestic help to be included as part of their role.

Ref OP’s original question, clearly not BU. It might be reasonable for him to ask her to take the cleaning to the dry cleaners, but it isn’t reasonable to expect her to just know it needs cleaning. I have never been asked to do anything with my husband’s uniform other than an occasional emergency badge sewing!

I think people on here should probably rein in their bitterness at times…

Single service members are heavily taught how to maintain their own kit and living spaces during basic training. In fact, attention to detail regarding personal gear, uniforms, and living quarters is one of the foundational pillars of military initiation.
Recruits are taught exactly how to wash, iron, and fold their uniforms. They learn to polish boots, assemble tactical gear, and clean their weapons until they are spotless. If a piece of kit is missing, dirty, or broken, the individual faces immediate administrative or corrective consequences. This instils a lifelong habit of gear accountability.

Your husband is totally unreasonable. I say that as a retired (junior) officer whose DH was also military but a lot more senior. He’s retired ex RN now, but in a senior position where he wears a suit…. Always his responsibility to ensure he’s got a clean suit! I have been know to drop/pick up from dry cleaner and iron the odd shirt. Your DH needs to man up and take responsibility. It’s no longer the 1930s

Yes, subservient. I couldn't have made my thoughts any clearer.

I think if you hadn't mentioned you had a housekeeper then I think some of the responses might have been different, @Crispychillifriedbeef some posters might assume you are frivilous and spoiled,

Yes, many of us read your post and think ewwww dressing a grown man like he’s my 4yo , what ick. and for you to think it’s your honour to do it and him to expect it, subservient is the word that comes to mind. Just so much ick. My husband doesn’t have the military training of taking care of his own kit and uniform and I’ve still only ironed single digits of his shirts in my life. That’s his job.

You were so close with ‘we expect our military to be prepared and ready….’ Then you veered off a 100 foot cliff and crashed catastrophically onto the rocks below. Op, offer to apologise to his senior officer that you didn’t have his uniform ready and clean, because how should a military man be expected to manage his own uniform? its not like it’s a very very clear requirement drilled into them from raw recruit stage. Not at all.

Does he drop his gun on the ground when he has finished with it?