AIBU to say my husband should manage his own uniform cleaning?

She's not complaining about taking clothes to the dry cleaners, she is complaining he had uniform that needed cleaning and did not tell her.

He also did not put it in the washing basket.

As OP says, she is not psychic.

Do you think she should go through her husband's clothes every day to see if there is a stain anywhere?

What do you think a valet is? She’s extremely obviously referring to the meaning where valet is a personal servant who cares for and prepares your clothes.

Again, not what I said. 🤦‍♀️

Do you know what a valet is?
Where does he put his dirty uniform?

Your husband sounds like he is very high ranking. What is his rank?

I do all the laundry round here and I find it quite soothing to mend, treat stains, hand wash, iron and put Konmarie to shame, but I’m not psychic either. Nor, I’ve noticed is the dry cleaner, who only treats stains if I point them out.

This one is on him, but op why are you letting such a silly accusation stick to you? Would you put this much thought into other silly things he says - if he said the sky was raining bananas would you open the curtains? He’s stressed, flailing around and making a prat of himself but that’s a him thing. Just because someone throws blame doesn’t mean you should pick it up and try it on.

Maybe it’s because I have teenagers and sometimes they take a swipe at mum when they’re stressed about school or friends, so I’ve learned to listen for what’s behind the words rather than getting caught up wondering whether I am actually the world’s worst mum. He shouldn’t take his stress out on you, but neither should you let him topple your equilibrium iyswim

It's hard enough remembering which of your own clothes needs stain removal / spot cleaning before putting in the wash, it would be worse to have to check DH's uniform regularly for stains.

The person who makes the stains should be more invested in getting them clean, so he should have asked the housekeeper.

Does he not have a dry cleaning service at work?

Right?? Would it be your fault if he had mucky boots? I don’t think so!

I thought taking care of your own kit was a personal responsibility that all military people had to deal with.

My DH is military and they're literally TRAINED to clean / maintain their uniforms during basic training. This absolutely is not your job!

It's one of the many perks of marrying someone in the armed forces: they're great at ironing!

I was a sahm for ages. If my husband put stuff in the laundry basket, it got washed. If he put it in the dry cleaning bag, it got dry cleaned

if he didn’t, it didn’t.

I was a sahm, not a mind reader or a nanny

PS: I also was a ‘trailing’ spouse, hence not able to work for large chunks of time

Not military and no experience of the nuance it brings, but my husband’s laptop is an absolutely essential part of his work kit (as is mine for my job), and it’d never dawn on me to check in the evening that his laptop is charged and packed for the next morning.

If he needs his uniform ready for work, he needs to make sure his uniform is ready for work- same as someone who wears a uniform for their supermarket job.

How did he get through military training????

Well the OP says 'I have rental income and royalties from my novel'

The op does get the uniforms dry cleaned, the husband didn't tell her this particular jacket needed cleaning because he didn't check it when he hung it up. I am under the impression that the op has no issues organising laundry that she knows about.

Only if you actually earn a living from it … otherwise it’s a hobby.

I guess if he’s the one earning the money and paying for the housekeeper so you don’t have any of those tasks, then yes, it completely unreasonable for you to get his uniform dry cleaned.

OH, who has had some Army xperience, has just said that HE was the one who was issued the uniforms, not you. HE was the one who at some point went through recruit training and was taught (with pain if he got it wrong?) that uniform maintenance is HIS responsibility, not anybody else's. More different types of uniform? Tough. He'd better get good at looking after them. He signed up, after all.

I’m not a stay at home wife, but my husband wears a uniform to work. I ask him to put his uniforms in a specific place if they require cleaning. He has duty uniforms and dress uniforms.

Perhaps that system would work for you ?

For us - duty uniforms on the floor in front of the washing machine within 12 hours of them needing to be worn again. Dress uniforms on a hangar near the front door within 2 days of needing to be worn again. If he requires quicker service he needs to ask.

As the wife of a naval officer, you are not wrong! Each grown ass person is meant to be able to take care of their own kit, it's part of the training.
Yes, it's nice when others help out, but the responsibility lays with the serving member.

I help out with dropping off/picking up dry-cleaning if he asks, or will lay out his kit, if he asks, but it is never expected for me to just know it needs doing.

Also, congratulations on being published, that's a lot of hard work and determination coming through.

Can't argue with any of that.

Putting your own stained clothes in the laundry (not even having to launder them yourself) is the very very minimum of being a functioning person though. My dc have been doing that since they were in pre-school.

@MBDBBB wrote some pretty nasty comments here. Officer’s wife here too of almost 20 years. I have mostly had my own career during that time but when we were posted abroad I wasn’t able to work due to a variety of local and tax regulations. As a military wife it is expected that we make huge sacrifices in the name of the military, including pausing our own careers and generally having a pretty disrupted life.

I’ve been reading this thread waiting for this point of view. It’s been overlooked how the OP’s chances of earning a similar amount to her H or even working at all has been strictly affected by having to change location every few years.

I used to work with two women who were married to Army officers currently in the UK and who had done just this. They had always moved themselves and their primary-school-aged children whenever her husband had a new posting. One had a degree, a postgraduate teaching diploma and teaching experience, but said that when they were in Germany she had worked in the school for army children possibly on base (sorry, can’t remember the name for that) but her husband’s job with the army meant she was paid significantly less than the other teachers.

I think that is more than fair on your part. Laundry in the laundry basket gets washed and clothes that need drycleaning are left out and are taken to the dry cleaners. I cannot see what his problem is.