AIBU to say my husband should manage his own uniform cleaning?

I think you’re getting a bit of an unfair response.
if he is knowingly putting dirty clothes in the wardrobe and expecting you to check that’s entirely unreasonable.
ive read you’re happy to take the dry cleaning and between you an the hired help he’ll have clean uniform.
however if he’s hanging it back up why would anyone of us go and check through a wardrobe to ensure it’s clean.. why would you hang something dirty back in the wardrobe?
I don’t think you’re unreasonable. If he needs it cleaning, leave it out, reference it and surely it’ll magically reappear clean and ready to go

I think this poster knows a) the OP is a woman and b) a valet is strictly speaking a male, not female, servant. She's simply using the word to apply, non-sex-strictly, to the task of checking and managing a man's clothes, as a valet would.

Tell him your crystal ball has stopped working so he needs to use his words if he needs uniform cleaned

A valet is a male servant, OP said she was a wife so she is not a male which a valet is. So whilst you sort of know what one is you don’t fully know what one is

I have many military relatives and all of them see/saw it as their responsibility to look after their uniform, even while their wives did every other bit of housework, laundry and cleaning. They are trained to do that at Sandhurst.

The chores that the maid doesn’t do…you claimed I said all of the chores.

But if you read my post thoroughly you’ll see that I caveat it with a few things including but not limited to the VERY NEXT SENTENCE!

But like I said it all depends on what the arrangement was in the first place. If the arrangement was you don’t ever do anything around the house even though you aren’t working then he can’t complain, but if the arrangement was that you would keep the house whilst he worked then he can.

And just so that you know, the OP describes herself as ‘running the home’, also she says the maid does the laundry and any other bits that need doing she will put in. She also talks about not having employment, but having enough time to learn a language, volunteer, etc…so plenty of time.

I am a big believer in equal effort not equal earnings. If one works full time and the other lives off their royalties (which I find hard to believe) then the one living off the royalties should be putting in more effort around the home because they aren’t putting in effort to earn a wage. But it is all irrelevant and down to whatever the OP and her husband agreed was the was to share the load. Which is what I’ve said all the way through but you seem to have ignored…

The amounts of money one makes from being published can be very small indeed. Its a living for the fortunate few, not most published authors.

Who traditionally has for their sole job the taking care of the man’s clothes and shoes, getting them out for the next day /event and helping them get dressed and undressed. It’s all about the clothes, and yes, I do know. That’s why we have the furniture piece called valet stand, to put out the outfit for the next day on just like the valet would get it out. You can double down all you like but it will look sillier every time. The op said I’m not his valet meaning it’s not my job to care for his clothe and have his outfits ready. You for some reason barged in and asked her does she even know what a valet is?? She does, I do, others don’t seem to….

their children, aren't they her children too?

Thats because all Officers wifes spend their days attending coffee mornings, cocktail parties and worshipping her brave husbands footsteps while the childrem are with the nanny and then boarding school as soon as possible.

Oh waits, its the 21st Century now. Not some wierd timeslip.

Op is doing childcare so should she start invoicing him for looking after his children?

I don’t know why people think being a novelist isn’t working- she’s had a book published, so it’s not just a hobby, she’s making money from it

People go and bit weird when armed forces are mentioned.

A valet is a man’s male servant, did you know what a valet is?

In fact I even used to put his pants, socks and belt on a chair next to the wardrobe with his car keys and wallet alongside them.

If I did this, I would have zero self-respect. You sound like his mum.

Ugh, sexist man, expecting two women to run around washing his clothes. I can’t express how much I hate this set-up.

That is literally what you said

So you are living off him and the maid he pays for?

If one spouse works and the other doesn’t, then the non-working spouse should be picking up the household duties that the maid doesn’t.

I'm interested – is it not, as people with military experience on here have said, part of the actual job for people serving in the military to take care of their own uniform?

In 25 years as a Military Wife I never once touched my DHs uniform. Its his responsibility fir hiw he is turned out on parade not mine.

This would give me the ultimate ick! A man who can’t ensure he has clean clothes to wear 🤮

Reminds me of a thing with my husband where he (works full time wearing a suit) would ask me (housewife) to do his dry cleaning. Not a problem at all except he would have all his suits in his wardrobe and I wouldn’t know which one(s) he was expecting to have cleaned. Or there would be a jacket hung up by the door to clearly highlight this is the one for dry cleaning but the trousers would be [somewhere else]. As though I had nothing better to do that to search for missing trousers or play guess the sweatiest suit!

Seems like a reasonable system to have anything which needs cleaning left in the laundry room. Even if you have an agreement where you take care of these things, he needs to do the bare minimum of picking his clothes off the floor and putting them in the laundry. I do the lion's share of cleaning and laundry, but I've told my DH that doesn't extend to picking his dirty clothes off the floor.

I thought a key part of the military was about discipline and taking care of your kit and surroundings. How does he cope at work when you're not there?

She has said she does.

This is such a weird thread. In any other context if a SAHM who brought in money from two different sources and was studying asked if they were being unreasonable not to magically know her husband had put clothes away dirty it would be 100% YANBU. The military angle nor housekeeper does not change that. If he'd left them in the washing pile and their usual set up is that she does tje washing, fine. But he didn't.

Lol! Thank you for your service!

Normally, putting clothes out for the next day for someone other than yourself ends when that boy or girl reaches the age of about seven. Thinking that doing it for a grown man is a mark of your respect for Crown and country is hilarious.

I think it is an entitled man thing. I wore a uniform for 16 years. Never once did I expect my DH to see if it needed cleaning or pick it off the floor. The reason....it was my uniform!