AIBU to think this is the beginning of the end for my mum?

Could she come and stay with you for a little while, or an Airbnb near you (when tourist season is past you might get a good deal on a month long let) then you could take some time with her to help her see what life could look like living near you.

We lost my mum almost 2 years ago it wasn’t out of the blue she had cancer.
Mum and Dad had been married 50 years. I thought my Dad would be like your Mum but I’ve been surprised at how well he’s been doing. The hardest things he’s found are the day to day chores as Mum did the cooking / cleaning etc.
Hes always been a homebody but we invite him out to different things and he doesn’t always say yes but he’s willing to come out with us as long as it’s not too often.
Does she have any friends? I’d make sure to just keep trying and hopefully one day she’ll just decide change is okay.

Obviously your Mum is grieving the loss of her life partner and soulmate, and she must be feeling desperately sad and lost.

However, she and your father made an active choice to lead fairly insular lives, not needing friends or outside interests, and not even having separate relationships with you. With such choices come consequences, for the remaining spouse at least, as your Mum is finding out.

So in your case, I would suggest you do what you can to care for your Mum within the limitations of your own busy life. However, this is a problem not of your own making, and once the initial shock has worn off she needs to help herself to some extent. I would have thought a move closer to you, into some sort of sheltered accommodation, would be just right for her?

I hope that you are able to help her move forward, and get some enjoyment from her last remaining years. Best wishes.

He has friends and hobbies and still drives but my heart just breaks for him. My daughter starting Uni this weekend too so it’s been an emotional time.

My DH died completely unexpectedly - on his way to work. It was absolutely devastating and my world changed overrnight. That was twenty years ago and I had been married only a fraction of the time your Mum abd Dad had. I can only imagine how she must be feeling. She won't even be over the shock of the sudden loss, let alone be dealing with the grief.
It's difficult for you OP but your mum needs a lot of time and patience before she can adjust to the new life that has been thrust upon her

My mum died three months ago and my poor dad’s life has just been completely turned upside down. It’s devastating for the partner left, she just needs time, love and understanding.

I’m sorry for your loss 💐

Your poor Mum, give her time, her loss is very new.

If your dad has been dead for a year, I hope I have got that right, she is still at the earlier stages of grieving. Her whole world has been changed and she is probably struggling to see what her future is going to be. I would shy away from suggesting big changes, like moving house right now. She has to get used to a different life and that takes time. Grief counselling may be helpful if only because it gives her the space to talk to someone. If your dad's death was sudden she was probably shocked and traumatised. Again those feelings take a long time to process. I would carry on what you are doing, being in contact, being reassuring and gently suggest counselling. Could she afford to pay privately? Sometimes waiting lists are long. There are groups and organisations for widows which may help in the future. Have a look at the bereavement thread.

I would keep trying to gently persuade her to move near you. Point out the positives - she would be less lonely and you'd be able to see her much more, take her shopping and have meals out and days out together. Offer to help her pack up the house and find somewhere to live near you.

My mum lived a couple of hours away and it took about 3 years after my dad died to move near me. Now she's round the corner and it's so much easier! My sons can pop in for a cuppa with her and my sister and I sort out all her medical appointments and shopping etc.

I think it's very daunting at that age to think about moving into a small house and having to go through all your stuff, pack & inevitably get rid of stuff to downsize. My mum did have friends and go out before but as she's got older, now mid 80s, most of her friends have either died or have dementia and are in care home 😔 so she is more reliant on us for company now.

Your mum is grieving and coping with a huge life change - that can't be underestimated. If you could get her to the GP he might well prescribe an antidepressant in the short term. If she is not so weepy and depressed, you might make more headway in getting her enthusiastic about moving nearer you and feeling less isolated.

Your mum has lost her partner of 60 years, it's quite understandable that she is full of grief. Maybe she'll rally or maybe she won't, and will follow your dad in the not so distant future.

You can't take away her grief. The only thing you can do for her is to give her the sympathy and space she needs. Just phone calls and visits when you can manage it will be all you can do.

It is still quite early days for your mum. Give it time.

She is grieving. It’s her choice, just be caring towards her, it is not uncommon to the person left behind to die soon after. I’m sorry to say that.
I knew that myself but didn’t pay attention after my mother died, my dad gave up on life, he was gone 14 months later, both youngish.
Pop in when you can, she has to go through this. Don’t make any demands, a phone call to show you care will do, hopefully she finds herself.

Your mum is understandably grieving, and could most likely be depressed as well. Has she had any bereavement counselling or spoken with a GP?