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AIBU?

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AIBU to make my daughter get the bus after our row?

228 replies

PeriandOverhelmed · 14/09/2026 09:55

What a horrible start to Monday.

My almost-16-year-old daughter has stamped off in a huff. The background is that all weekend, I nicely asked her to put her washing on - and she started it late Sunday evening. At 9.30pm (my bedtime) I found wet school trousers sat in the kitchen so I hung them up and switched off the tumble dryer. I told her it was much too late to be doing washing and she should have started earlier. This morning, I woke her 30 mins early and reminded her to sort her washing. The trousers were still hanging up and I put the tumble dryer back on. A huge pile of clothes (dirty, clean, wet, I don't know) were lying on the kitchen table and I put them in a laundry basket, took them back to her room and told her I don't know what state these are in but they can't lie in the kitchen.

I also made her breakfast and got ready to take her to school as usual. Then just before we were due to leave, she asked me to write her a note for school to explain that she's wearing leggings rather than school trousers because they're still wet. I said I'm busy getting ready, and in any case, it's her own fault her clothes are wet. She started shouting and crying, saying 'fine, I'll wear wet trousers then' and when I went to go into her room, she shoved the door shut in my face yelling she's 'getting changed for school'. I replied that I'm not taking her anywhere when she's behaving like that. A minute later, she came into my room and asked if I'm taking her to school or is she getting the bus. I said bus given her behaviour and if she shoves a door in my face like that again she can move in her with dad (we're divorced and he does nothing so it's not even an option). So off she stropped - even though it takes two buses and 2 hours to get to school that way and she'll be late.

Now I feel completely rotten about myself and don't know what to do. I guess I already know I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
HyggeTygge · 14/09/2026 10:03

Obviously there is an issue to be addressed here with her organisation and responsibility for her own stuff/jobs but making her late for school with no notice wasn't the appropriate response imo.

I do get how you feel though. At 15 she was probably unthinking, then annoyed with herself for not having her trousers (does she not have another pair?) and took that anger out on you.

Threatening to kick her out was silly too, either she believes you which is an overreaction or she knows you were bullshitting for the sake of making her feel bad. Again - easily done in the moment and we don't always act rationally as parents!

LumiGlow · 14/09/2026 10:02

Some push and pull there which is inevitable with a teen but probably being late because she had to take a bus is the bit that needs thinking about.

Tomorrow is a new day.

As a child of a divorced mum and dad, I’d steer clear of threatening her to be moved out when she crosses a line. Instead something such as - ‘slam a door in my face like that again and you won’t be using your phone for the next 48 hours/ going out with X ‘ etc

Sillysausage76 · 14/09/2026 10:02

I personally wouldn't enter a 15year old room without knocking. I also wouldn't threaten about them having to live elsewhere when I didn't mean it. Its not her fault her dad's useless, she never choose him for a dad. I agree she should be responsible for her washing and drying and her manners in this situation was wrong, does she not have more than one pair of trousers? Why couldn't they be tumbled overnight? I agree with you not taking her but don't agree with you telling her last minute.

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