Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for the dog

21 replies

JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 09:26

I put a post on here a while back about a dog between me and my mum and i wanted peoples opinions on this situation.
So this dog is in my mums name and lives with my mum, she used to have 2 dogs and the other had a lot of vet bills so id been paying for this 1, vet bills, food and groomers, I told her a while back after a disagreement about who was paying for the dog that I wasnt doing it any more with advice off you and told her, shes let me know shes going to the groomers tomorrows and she let me know when she booked it which is fine and id take her but she also wants me to pay, its £40/£45 and I've said no shes said I'll have to sort something out as I'll get a late cancellation fee and I'll have to work something out, dogs in her name, I've said no my circumstances have changed im at the end of my maternity, currently have 0 income and have 2 kids now and she said well you get maternity pay, I've told her to look it up as you don't get paid at the end of maternity, shes told me I've shit on her by not paying for the dog food and now this and I wouldn't do it to any other member of the family and still wants me to pay as shes no money.
Am I right by not paying and do I say anything different?
Any questions just ask
Thanks

OP posts:
AshaK · 14/09/2026 09:28

Is it your dog?

If nobody wants to pay, it needs to be rehomed.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 14/09/2026 09:29

If she asks again then you tell her that if she can't afford to give the dogs the quality of life they deserve, and that includes grooming, then she has to re-home.

She needs to give her head a wobble. If you can't even afford to feed your dog, don't get one. It's a pretty basic part of pet ownership...

frozendaisy · 14/09/2026 09:29

Why can’t another member of the family pay?

I would just let her huff about this and then she might not assume in future.

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:29

And this is a mother / daughter relationship??!!

This poor dog shouldn’t be in this family

chirrupybird · 14/09/2026 09:32

Can't she brush the dog herself? If she has no money why pay for it to be groomed?

GregKay · 14/09/2026 09:33

So you share the dog? Where does the dog live? Do you live with your mum? If when you got the dog you both agreed to share it, they you should share the costs, not just dump all the costs on your mum because her name is on the pet insurance, assuming that's what you mean by 'in her name'?

If together or separately you can't afford the dogs basic needs it needs rehoming or you need to speak to a charity about help. You can groom it yourself at home to save that cost though.

Littledidsheknow · 14/09/2026 09:36

Poor dog.
But no, if the dog is hers and lives with her the bills are hers.
You should never have paid anything in the first place.

MandingoAteMyBaby · 14/09/2026 09:37

How is the dog “in her name” ?

Is it registered somehow ?

AshaK · 14/09/2026 09:44

MandingoAteMyBaby · 14/09/2026 09:37

How is the dog “in her name” ?

Is it registered somehow ?

I think all dogs need microchips now, so presumably that?

NeuroSpicyMumof3 · 14/09/2026 09:45

The poor dog, no one wanting to take responsibility for it :(

Sounds like it would be kinder to re-home it.

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 14/09/2026 09:56

It seems that the cost of this dog have just evolved.

We’re you clear with your Mum that you could not and would not pay for the ‘new’ dog indefinitely?

I think you need to tell her that you helped out with costs due to the expense of vet bills for old dog but it was during a time when you had more money.

It isn’t a ‘shared dog’, it’s her dog that she has relied on you to pay for. She bought the dog, it lives with her.

You now have less money and more responsibilities of your own and cannot afford to pay for HER dog.

Be clear with her over this.

It isn’t right that if your budget is tight you spend money for supporting your children on a dog she chose to buy.

Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 09:59

GregKay · 14/09/2026 09:33

So you share the dog? Where does the dog live? Do you live with your mum? If when you got the dog you both agreed to share it, they you should share the costs, not just dump all the costs on your mum because her name is on the pet insurance, assuming that's what you mean by 'in her name'?

If together or separately you can't afford the dogs basic needs it needs rehoming or you need to speak to a charity about help. You can groom it yourself at home to save that cost though.

We don't share the dog, the dog lives with my mum, i don't live with my mum, I didnt live with my mum when she got the dog and haven't for over 10 years.
I said id pay the bills while her other dog was ill and have, there was no conversation when her other dog died and I just carried on paying it which i was fine with when my circumstances were different so never brought it up then

OP posts:
Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 10:00

frozendaisy · 14/09/2026 09:29

Why can’t another member of the family pay?

I would just let her huff about this and then she might not assume in future.

My mum and dad are separated, she lives on her own, only had 1 child, she is an only child and my grandparents are no longer here so im her only living relative, I have family through my dad's side

OP posts:
Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 10:02

chirrupybird · 14/09/2026 09:32

Can't she brush the dog herself? If she has no money why pay for it to be groomed?

Shes a cookerpoo and ideally does need to go to the groomers for it cutting

OP posts:
Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 10:03

MandingoAteMyBaby · 14/09/2026 09:37

How is the dog “in her name” ?

Is it registered somehow ?

The dogs chipped with her name and address on and the groomers, vets and anything else is in her name

OP posts:
GregKay · 14/09/2026 10:06

JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 09:59

We don't share the dog, the dog lives with my mum, i don't live with my mum, I didnt live with my mum when she got the dog and haven't for over 10 years.
I said id pay the bills while her other dog was ill and have, there was no conversation when her other dog died and I just carried on paying it which i was fine with when my circumstances were different so never brought it up then

Show quote history

Ah right, sorry I mis-understood your post. Right, well then it's your mums dog and your mums problem. Not only is it not really your responsibility it sounds like you can't afford it. You helped when you could but now you can't. I can understand your mum might feel a bit put out as she got used to you paying but she needs to sort it out her self now by the sounds of it.

Your mum needs to seriously look at the affordability of a dog and rehome it or see if there is any charity that can help.

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 14/09/2026 10:19

I think you need to tell her that you helped out with costs due to the expense of vet bills for old dog but it was during a time when you had more money.
It isn’t a ‘shared dog’, it’s her dog that she has relied on you to pay for. She bought the dog, it lives with her.
She has been taking you for granted.
You now have less money and more responsibilities of your own and cannot afford to pay for HER dog.
Be clear with her over this.
It isn’t right that if your budget is tight you spend money for supporting your children on a dog she chose to buy.

omghereistrouble · 14/09/2026 10:30

bit confused wondered why the dog is yours but living at mothers? to be honest i think this poor dog needs a better home

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/09/2026 10:37

It’s not your dog, it’s never been your dog, you don’t live with the dog. For a while as a huge kindness you were giving her money for the dog but you’ve told her you’ve stopped and for some reason she thinks she can change your mind. Your human children trump her dog and if she can’t afford pets she needs to rehome them.

She’s being absolutely ridiculous and people are being weird criticising you! It’s not your dog!

Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 14/09/2026 10:37

omghereistrouble · 14/09/2026 10:30

bit confused wondered why the dog is yours but living at mothers? to be honest i think this poor dog needs a better home

My mum originally bought the dog for herself, she already had 1, I've been paying for the dog but i now have 2 kids and im currently on maternity so I can't afford to carry on

OP posts:
Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 13:59

You can’t possibly have a good relationship with her generally given how you outline communication between you both?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread