He was very touchy-feely on date BUT I didn't object and kissed him back.

If you are going to date you need to get much better at communicating your boundaries. The next person might be worse. It’s not about politeness- there is nothing impolite about making decisions over your own body.

I would just leave things with this guy. Yes he’s not a mind-reader but his explanation was pretty creepy- being overwhelmed by your beauty is not a free pass to do what he wants. I’d have had more sympathy if he’d just said that he thought you were enjoying it.

Did he choose THAT bar and THAT room by any chance?

He said he was unexpectedly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin.
Crock of shit!! What a chancer!
Someone who over steps boundaries like this is not someone I would trust or see again regardless of AT TIMES you enjoyed it.
FFS he kissed your chest, kept touching you, then tried to excuse his extremely creepy behaviour - you didn't/don't know him.
Of course he has blocked and deleted he's a creep and a chancer. Vile.

EUW

“He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin.”

That comment alone on a first date would give me the ick. Too much.

True, but many girls are conditioned not to speak up. Not everyone is given the confidence to be assertive about their boundaries.

I’m not sure how he could have read your cues better when you were reciprocating so for that YABU and he stopped when you asked and respected that so that’s fair but if you aren’t feeling it then end it. One date in no one owes anything

Use it as experience to try and speak up next time. You don’t need to be polite. Please yourself.

This gave me the ick, horrible limpet man kissing your chest on a first date.

Nope.

I wasn't sure how to vote and ended up voting YBU.

On the one hand, nobody owes anyone a 2nd date and you can stop dating or finish a relationship at any time and for any reason you want. He also sounds a handsy creep.

On the other hand, you seem to be asking not whether it was ok to call it a day or whether the behaviour was creepy but whether you should have communicated better and he should have realised that when you appeared keen by reciprocating, you were actually uncomfortable. That's why I voted YABU.

I would understand the politeness and desire to avoid awkwardness if you were younger. I was like that in my teens and early 20s. But I do think that by the time we get into our 50s, we should be able to assert our boundaries.

He’s not a nice guy, and he did not respect your boundaries.

Who the fuck stokes the knee/ leg and kisses the chest of someone on a first date?

But she never need see him again and needn't feel bad in the slightest. He obviously is shite at reading body language and understanding and looking for enthusiastic consent.

It doesn’t matter though does it- next date he’d hold back or you’d be worried, overthinking or you’d go along with it while being uncomfortable afterwards - either way it wouldn’t be healthy, enjoyable or fun for either of you, you’re just not suited x

I think it's very worrying you say you let him behave in this way because you were being polite. I do think he will have picked up on the fact you were someone he could manipulate into compliance. He sounds like a chancer used to getting his own way.
I think you are right not to see him again and you need to work on your assertiveness.

Why should she block him?

Are you sure your 12 year old hasn't got a hold of your MN account?

Aï di mi!

Yeah, I wondered if they were canoodling like that in her local!

Don't know if the wayback link is working so let's try this one

archive.ph/gpIlO

Sounds like he could be using 'pick up artist' techniques. They use 'kino' (lots of touching) to intrude into personal space and break down barriers so they can progress their 'game' on their 'target'. It's about testing boundaries and getting the 'target' used to being touched by the PUA.

They also use 'kino' to test 'compliance' (how compliant you are with what they want you to do or what you will allow them to do). They use 'kino escalation' to increase the length and intimacy of touching to escalate the physicality of the relationship quickly - this is about pushing boundaries and getting to have sex as quickly as possible.

You might want to read this

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20191208060842/puamore.com/wiki/kino-escalation/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://web.archive.org/web/20180822062754/puamore.com/wiki/compliance-test/

The last part might interest you - where he talks about "a too much, too fast’ approach to Kino on dates (or more specifically, on first dates)" can lead to a woman feeling rushed and she will "flaking on a second date". That's what's happened to you - you've felt too rushed by his excessive touching and backed out of the second date.

And yes he knew he wasn't going to get sex that night - but he was working his game to get you ready for the next date to get you into bed as soon as possible.

Try reading part 5 of this;

https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2018/12/5-pick-up-artist-techniques-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-players-use-to-unsettle-you#5-Kino-Escalation-Eye-Contact-Nice-Guys-and-the-Sexually-Liberated-Guy-Act

I’m not judging anyone for doing anything they are happen doing on a first date whether in their own car or in somewhere else private. But in a bar where a member of staff or the public could come through at any point? Unless it was that kind of bar/club but I think you would have mentioned it.
Your gut is telling you something given how uncomfortable you feel now - I would listen to your gut.
And the fact he didn’t use his tongue when kissing your chest is not an indication at all of self control.