AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

We help if we want to.
But noway am i looking after kids or pets.

Me me me i want food and shelter no love very happy single.

That doesn’t make it right though does it? No man is an island, we all need help sometimes!

Of course it’s the same thing. It’s a lot of work and responsibility to look after grand children but many, many parents do it. I cannot fathom being unwilling to put myself out for immediate family in an emergency.

Thats because you WANT to do that.
Some people dont want to.

Oh no I really disagree with that. Families should help each other, it’s what they are for. My mum’s having an operation tomorrow, I’ll be popping round on Wednesday with a couple of lasagnes so neither she nor my dad have to cook this week. (Just an example from today!)

Really. What’s so confusing. Dogs don’t care if your
fat/thin
rich or poor
what you do for a living
how much you earn
pretty or ugly
how many friends you have
healthy or ill
how big your house is
your Facebook/ instagram posts
married or single
dogs only want 3 things
love
food
shelter
now tell me how many humans are like that

Just because its family it dont mean there is a duty to help in any situation.

Take the dog with you to see your relative. If you think that’s wrong, then you should also think it’s wrong to impose on your daughter in law when she doesn’t like dogs

I really really sympathise with the panic of not being able to arrange dog care for a time when you definitely definitely need it, no option to decline the meeting/event etc and all your usual options are drawing blanks. It's panic inducing - your poor dog wtf am I going to do to keep him/her safe? How the hell am I going to manage this occassion? Etc etc Even other people who have dogs - what if they don't get on?

I do think your DIL is within her rights to say no, though. As hard as that is for you.

No advice but just support - I really hope you find a solution for this occasion. Ask people who you think you could trust but wouldnt normally ask, now is the (desperate) time to be brave - a neighbour you're on friendly terms with but not chummy with for example. Or perhaps a colleague? People might be happy to help and you never know if you don't ask xxx

Also most people aren’t scared of children and are not allergic to children.

no I know that but I do think you have more of a duty to help in those situations than you do with pet!

I wouldnt be able to help out and I love my parents and family. I’m uncomfortable around dogs. I literally wouldnt know what to do with a dog in my house. I think if you have dogs / really like dogs, it can be hard to empathise (obviously most dog owners do empathise, but there is a core that seems to impervious).

Not every grandparent or auntie wants or will be the back up baby sitter.

Yes but also no. Children are children of the family too so there is a role for an auntie/grandparent etc.

This. I am like your daughter-in-law. I don’t want to be like that but I am! I wasn’t brought up with dogs and I’m really uncomfortable around them. And I also wouldn’t want a dog in my house ever. I’m not super house proud. It feels like asking a vegan to eat a steak. And if your son is away, she’d be the only adult with it. Nightmare.

All these people are your family, not your staff. You will need to pay someone to pop in and feed/walk your dog, either at your house or at the home of a working daughter who is prepared to allow access to a daytime dog-walker that you arrange, until space comes up in a boarding kennel.

Definitely unreasonable. She doesn't like dogs therefore she's not obliged to have one in her home. You can't expect someone to tolerate something they're not comfortable with in their own home.

Its your dog not hers.
Its like people with kids they always need help with the kids, well they are your kids so you deal with them, same as your pets.
Not mine not my responsibility either.

Interesting because I think there is something fundamentally wrong with people who prefer dogs to people and who don't understand that not everyone is the same.

When you own a pet you MUST consider all costs and instances and not just the cute cuddly bit.

So before you purchase an animal you have to be able to afford
food, vet bills, insurance, Kennel costs when away or emergencies, dog walking (daily if working). Any adhoc help should be gratefully accepted but never expected. Your pet your responsibility.

And all this comes from a dog owner fed up with other peoples half baked ownership.

How ridiculous!!! She’s not a dog person. Do not take your dog to her house and then moan he’s out in the garden.

I don’t like dogs and I wouldn’t want one in my house either.

Put the dog in kennels or don’t go

I admire her for sticking to her boundaries while you try and demolish them.

Ha!

I'm genuinely shocked that you take your dog to their house when you visit.

She doesn't like dogs.

Of course she isn't going to look after a dog. She doesn't like them. Is very clear about that, and therefore would have no idea how to look after a dog