AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

Why do you take your dog with you when you visit when you know you can’t bring it in? Seems really odd

I voted that you are not being unreasonable, but it really depends on the circumstances. If you're expecting her to have the dog in her house, then you are being unreasonable, I'm afraid. If you're asking her to come over now and then and help take care of the dog through the day, or possibly keep the dog safely outdoors at her own home, then I think that's the kind of thing you do for your family, or in this case your in-laws. It's not ideal if she doesn't like dogs, but I would make every effort to help because I care about the people who care about the dog. I'm not fond of snakes for instance, but if a family member needed me to feed and water their pet snake for a week or two, I would do it if I possibly could.

I think dog owners simply fail to understand that some people just don’t like dogs. I wouldn’t have one in my house due to the smell alone. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with an ill relative, but what you are asking of her is unreasonable. Her working status is neither here nor there.

What even is this? Of course YABU.

Given how much notice you need to give kennels (and I'd never in a million years leave my dogs in one), it's not the sort of thing you can rustle up overnight.

It's looking like one of you will have to go to the relative OP and the other stay with the dog?

Pay for someone to do it like everyone else.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. She doesn’t like dogs. If she is scared or nervous around dogs she really shouldn’t be looking after one.

I know this sounds crazy, but you should have a pre-existing relationship with a trusted pet-sitter if you are going to have a dog.

That reminds me, we just got a puppy. Our pet sitter isn’t going to work for our new situation. I need to fix that even though we have no plans to leave during the puppy stage.

Well done to your DIL for sticking to her own boundaries.
Very interesting that you think that because she's at home, she is automatically available.

On another note, if you know she doesn't like dogs, stop taking it to her house and leave it at home. If your dog can't cope for a few hours with a good walk either side then it probably needs some input training-wise.

Kennels. And you pay for it. Not everyone likes dogs.

I wouldn't ask anyone to look after our dog who doesn't like dogs, i also wouldn't insist my dog goes into someone's house even family, your Dil is doing nothing wrong, im assuming your child who she is married to supports no dog in their house ?

Pay for a dog sitter.

Completely unreasonable to place the blame for this situation on your DIL.

How would you expect her to look after the dog if it’s not alllowed in the house?

YABVU

I had to look after my mum’s dog for a week in an emergency and honestly I look back on it and shudder. It was awful. I wouldn’t do it again. Are there any boarding kennels nearby?

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time OP but I could not have a dog in my home. I think you are BU to expect the dog to be let into their home rather than the garden when you visit them too. Why does the dog have to come? It sounds like your DIL has been clear about this from the start.

It's very selfish to take your dog everywhere and expect other people to pick up the slack when you can't look after it I agree.

No - your dog, your responsibility
No - she doesn't like dogs
No - your sneering at her 'housewife' title and indication that your children are 'just too busy to help' -

In short sort out your own bloody dog.

If there is no one else - one of you needs to go see the relative and one stay home with the dog.
We have a great cat sitter that also does overnight boarding - not that we have used her for that. Could that be an option - ask your friends if they know anyone.

Which way? Selfish expecting other people to suddenly have dogs in their house or selfish not wanting dogs in their house?! Works both ways.

Why do both you and DH have to travel to see the sick relative? Can’t the person whose relative it is go and the other stay home with dog?

It's pretty selfish yes to expect a daughter in law to take responsibility for a dog instead of booking a sitter/kennel. True.

It's interesting that you accept your daughters employers boundaries but not your daughter in laws boundaries.

Agree. Something to reflect on, OP. She said no, and you're moaning about her on a public forum.

very very unreasonable.

I notice you only want women to help you. Daughters and a daughter-in-law.

Your son can go over twice a day and feed and walk the dog, can't he?

I think this is one of those things that if you like dogs you just cannot get your head round.

It's not a minor inconvenience to have a dog, it's a mega undertaking with lots of responsibility for something that you actively do dislike and are possibly terrified of.