AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

If that's that much of a dire emergency the dog can stay at one of your daughter's homes while they work for the sake of a few days. It won't melt.

Yabvu.

I absolutely could not/would not have a dog in my home. Especially not with my children.

Just put the dog in kennels. It wont be a particularly busy time of year for that.

Maybe I'm assuming too much, but as the op didn't mention that her daughter-in-law has a phobia of dogs or that the dog in question is particularly large, aggressive, or frightening, I'm assuming that it's more a matter of the daughter-in-law just not liking dogs and probably not wanting her home to smell like a dog. Fair enough, but I do think it's selfish to refuse to help in an emergency situation.

All that said, if she won't agree to care for the dog, then she won't. Getting a dog walker during the day and keeping the dog with one of your daughters is probably the best bet.

The kindest interpretation of this is that you're doing that thing when people who are under deep stress complain about some relatively minor/unreasonable thing to distract themselves from the actual problem.

I'm sorry about your relative. If you want to be able to leave your pets in any one of your children's homes with no notice the onus is on you to choose something acceptable to all of them.

Why can't one of your daughters have the dog and arrange a dog-walker if there is no-one in their household who can look after the dog during the day? Why do you take your dog to your son's house when you visit?

I don’t like dogs and wouldn’t have one in my garden or house in any circumstances.
Find a dog sitter or kennel.

Well she is presumably at home all day, which makes it a bit easier. However, if you don’t like dogs it’s a big ask.

You have three adult children who dont want to dog sit but it’s DILS fault? You are horrible

Why are you taking the dog to their house when you visit?

Your daughter in law has told you she doesn’t like dogs and has set her boundaries (good for her) think she has been more than nice letting the dog in the garden when you visit in the first place.

Understand you are stressed but you need to respect her boundary. Look for a local dog sitter to help you or put the dog in kennels.

This

...but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

What annoys your daughters? That she doesn't let the dog in her home? Why do your daugthers even have an opinion on it?

And, why do you bring your dogs to desacrate her lovely dog-free garden? It is already a huge compromise on their side!

--

She has 0 relationship and probably 0 experience with the dogs. She can't take it even if she was willing to.

You are annoyed because you think about her as about potential dog care. She isn't.

They probably have big important manly jobs to do, whereas DIL is just a housewife so obviously needs to know her place 🙄

Bit hard if he’s working abroad, I would have thought.

I can’t stand dogs and wouldn’t care for one emergency or not - it’s not your DIL fault or responsibility - ask your daughters to take some time of work to help you or find a kennel .

I don't like dogs.

I wont have one in my home, doesn't matter who's dog or what the emergency.

Just no.

Never have, never will.

(In my 50s for reference. It's a long standing and solid stance)

YABU. I like dogs, my DH doesn’t. My sister has dogs, they are not allowed in our home, she respects that. My husband lives there and has a right to feel comfortable in our own home. You’ve chosen to have a dog in your home, anyone else connected to you has not.

I think this is more about wanting to feel she cares and will help you out during a tough time. Her not liking dogs to me is separate to her level of care/affection towards you as a human.

I like dogs but I wouldn't help out either. Get a dog sitter or find space in kennels. They won't be fully booked at this time of year. You're being ridiculous.

This! Very well put.

I couldn’t look after a snake under any circumstances for anyone, I’m terrified of them! We don’t know how the DIL is actually fearful or dogs or just doesn’t like them. We also don’t know what the dog in question is like. I don’t like dogs but not actively scared of them, I could probably cope with looking after a small dog for a couple of days but not a large dog or an aggressive dog.

Team DiL here.

You have no right to expect her to have your dog in her house knowing she doesn't like dogs.

She probably knows you and your daughters have been bitching about her behind her back as well, so she's well within her rights to not help you. You and your daughters have no right to be angry at her for insisting the dog stays in the back garden, you're lucky she lets it go there give you know how she feels about dogs.

You sound a pushy and entitled MiL tbh.

If a person is going to take on the responsibility of a dog then they should be thinking about the possibility that at some point they may need care for that dog. I do not understand anyone who decides to get a dog and assumes that other people will take care of it.

So you make sure it’s vaccinated, you take it to kennels for regular visits. Ideally you would research kennels before getting the dog.

You assume that if that dog is unable to go to kennels for whatever reason, this will curtail your life for 15 years or so. If you are not prepared to drastically change your life then don’t get a dog. It’s not mandatory. Other people do not ever have to look after your dog. Ever. If they want to, that’s great. But even then you cannot assume they will always be available. So you need a backup plan for emergencies.

Find a kennel near where you are going?

We are a cat household so couldn't have a dog, even in a complete emergency. However I'd be willing to walk (a few times per day) and feed my MIL's dog for a few days as she lives very close by and I WFH so would be able to facilitate this.

If it was for a relative further away then I'd not be able to help.

Can one of your DD take emergency AL? Do they have partners who can help?

Do you have a dog sitter who can provide emergency cover to to tide you over?

Also don't let the family dog be a stick to beat your DIL with. The whole "DD's are happy to help but DIL isn't" doesn't seem like a fair way to look at this.

Hope you get it all sorted.

Do either of your SILs work from home?

Your DIL has a long-standing boundary here, and youbare not respecting it, or her.

Didn't have to read past this...

You are absolutely 💯 unreasonable.