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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

687 replies

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

OP posts:
khakipant · 13/09/2026 20:28

LinguisticallyInclined · 13/09/2026 19:42

I love dogs, have one myself that I hand-reared since before her eyes were open and have had them since I was independent enough to make the commitment. I still think the OP is being unreasonable here.

HOWEVER

Kennels isn't a 'quick fix solution' to put 'it' into (animals other than humans aren't 'its').

Kennels require;

A long notice period, which the OP does not have.

Certain vaccinations which not every dog,perhaps including OP's will have had.

A certain temperament of dog (think some kids will love being left at a kid's club all day on holuday, some will hate it, some kids like boarding school, some won't cope). My dog would be absolutely traumatised if I put her in kennels and I wouldn't ever as it would be cruel.

A certain amount of money which OP may or may not have, they're not cheap"

I get fed up of folk assuming you can just swing by a kennels on your way to wherever, chuck any old dog over and say 'Here's £50! Back in a couple o' weeks!'.

Edited
Show quote history

This!! You’d also think by these replies the poor animal was a frothy mouthed pterodactyl not a presumably normal, house trained family pet.

YABU, OP, but I would also be annoyed and wish for more flexibility.

I dislike children, especially young children as i find them noisy, chaotic and stressful, and I don’t want them in my house, but in an emergency I’d agree to look after my small relatives because I’m not a total d*ck.

AnnHedonia · 13/09/2026 20:28

Bloody hell, entitled much?

seahorsessky · 13/09/2026 20:27

What an awful woman. I don't like spiders but would help you out in a situation like this. And, unlike spiders, there are many workplaces which have guide dogs etc in them, so while no one has to like dogs, unless you are happy about excluding those with disabilities, you need to be able to tolerate them. I made a point of getting my kids ok with dogs when they were little for this very reason.

Does she know she's the only one who doesn't work outside the home in the family? As in, I'd have some sympathy if she thought you had another option.

mynameiscalypso · 13/09/2026 20:27

I don’t like dogs (although I tolerate my PIL’s dog in our kitchen because DS loves her) but I also wouldn’t know how to look after a dog. What does it eat? Where does it sleep? Do I have to walk it? Pick up its poo? I’m too scared of dogs to actually touch them so I don’t see how I could look after one.

BeEagerRubyBird · 13/09/2026 20:26

puppysleepdeprivation · 13/09/2026 20:07

Maybe I'm assuming too much, but as the op didn't mention that her daughter-in-law has a phobia of dogs or that the dog in question is particularly large, aggressive, or frightening, I'm assuming that it's more a matter of the daughter-in-law just not liking dogs and probably not wanting her home to smell like a dog. Fair enough, but I do think it's selfish to refuse to help in an emergency situation.

All that said, if she won't agree to care for the dog, then she won't. Getting a dog walker during the day and keeping the dog with one of your daughters is probably the best bet.

I'm not sure it's quite that clear cut in terms of feelings about dogs. I grew up with dogs and several family members have them, I wouldn't say I'm scared of them. But I am very uncomfortable around them in a way that goes beyond mere dislike - the chaos, the licking me, the jumping up at me (obviously depends a bit on the dog) are basically a sensory nightmare that I cannot cope with for very long. And if they're very boisterous I'm on edge about them being around my kid.

My parents have a friendly but large and boisterous dog and they have a long standing arrangement for temporary care with the breeder they got her from, there are also care places that are much more like farms than kennels, if you have a dog you need to have some kind of plan like that. I do a lot for my parents but I'm not sure I could have the dog for more than a day or so even in a real emergency, I just can't handle it.

Hohofortherobbers · 13/09/2026 20:26

Why would you leave your dog with someone who doesn't like it?
She doesn't like or want the dog in her house, end of conversation.

Blushingm · 13/09/2026 20:26

Why can’t one of the daughters take AL leave to mind the dog?

Kidsandhouse · 13/09/2026 20:26

puppysleepdeprivation · 13/09/2026 20:07

Maybe I'm assuming too much, but as the op didn't mention that her daughter-in-law has a phobia of dogs or that the dog in question is particularly large, aggressive, or frightening, I'm assuming that it's more a matter of the daughter-in-law just not liking dogs and probably not wanting her home to smell like a dog. Fair enough, but I do think it's selfish to refuse to help in an emergency situation.

All that said, if she won't agree to care for the dog, then she won't. Getting a dog walker during the day and keeping the dog with one of your daughters is probably the best bet.

Clearly you're a dog lover... that's your business.

But yours is the same as the ops problem, you just don't seem to understand that for some people, no dogs means no dogs. No exceptions.

Meandthegherkin · 13/09/2026 20:25

We regularly use the same kennel and they are very helpful, contactable by text. In your situation I would ask them if they were available then drop the dog with one of the daughters for them to take to the kennels in the morning. It would involve asking for some employer flexibility but this may be possible if is just for a few hours.

HappySummerFun · 13/09/2026 20:25

Have you offered for her and the children to come stay in your house or are you expecting her to have the dog in her house? Or, if she did have the dog in her house, have you offered to pay for a deep clean after? Why is a dog sitter not an option?

alexisccd · 13/09/2026 20:25

Place it with a dog sitter in the day and with your daughters at night, or kennel. I don’t like dogs and I’d not look after my mums dog in this scenario though I’d prob help her out with kennel fees (but i’m her daughter not DIL. You are being completely unreasonable and quite poorly behaved to your DIL.

Tryagain26 · 13/09/2026 20:24

Children are not dogs. Why do people compare them.
Children are human beings. Dogs are pets not people

AgnesMcDoo · 13/09/2026 20:23

Sorry but if you don’t like dogs you don’t like them. I wouldn’t look after one either.

BugJuice · 13/09/2026 20:22

Netcurtainnelly · 13/09/2026 20:21

Have they got kids. What happens if you don't like looking after kids.

Seriously if get someone else. Surely you'd want someone who likes dogs to do it anyway.

If she doesn’t like looking after kids then she doesn’t have to look after kids.

JLou08 · 13/09/2026 20:22

LoveItaly · 13/09/2026 20:17

Just because people on Mumsnet trot out the old ‘no is a complete sentence’ line doesn’t make it true. I can barely think of any example when ‘no’ is a sufficient response to a question. No wonder so many families don’t get on and so many people don’t have any friends, if they think that’s a good way to communicate.

Agree with you about the dog issue, though.

Show quote history

I get on very well with my family and my friends. I see no as a full sentence, if I don't want to do something I will just say no. Why lie to them by coming up with false excuses? That's not to say I wouldn't go out of my way to help them, I absolutely would, but I can and do say no without explanation sometimes.

Zanatdy · 13/09/2026 20:22

In that situation you think she’d help but doesn’t sound like she will, so best to look for a dog sitter.

Tryagain26 · 13/09/2026 20:22

Netcurtainnelly · 13/09/2026 20:21

Have they got kids. What happens if you don't like looking after kids.

Seriously if get someone else. Surely you'd want someone who likes dogs to do it anyway.

Children are not dogs.

Awrite · 13/09/2026 20:22

Please don't bully your dil into having your dog. And call off your daughters.

Poor woman. She will know you are all talking about her.

Scampuss · 13/09/2026 20:21

Whoever's side the relative in need is on, goes, other spouse remains home to look after dog.

DiL is being perfectly reasonable.

Tryagain26 · 13/09/2026 20:21

If she doesn't like dogs you can't expect her to look after yours. I don't mind them but I wouldn't want to look after one in my house.
If you don't want to put your dog in kennels o
can't you find a pet sitter? It's really not your daughter jn law's responsibility to look after your dog and it's unfair for you and your daughters to expect her to.

Netcurtainnelly · 13/09/2026 20:21

Have they got kids. What happens if you don't like looking after kids.

Seriously if get someone else. Surely you'd want someone who likes dogs to do it anyway.

Bookbears · 13/09/2026 20:20

Sorry op but your dog, your problem. Your stress isn’t your daughter in laws burden.

Cadeaukatze · 13/09/2026 20:19

BendingSpoons · 13/09/2026 19:35

I'm sorry you are having a stressful time. I am not a dog person. I couldn't deal with a dog in my house.

Same here. There are dog sitters and kennels. Or take it with you if you can drive and it's in the UK.

I was actually very impressed with my mum who isn't a dog person who dog sat for a friend while she went to hospital recently, I am not sure I would be that kind. But it was only for a few hours until the friend's husband got back and she went to their house. Very different to having it in your own house for what I assume would be several days.

Byebyeblackbirds26 · 13/09/2026 20:19

Given that you said you dropped your son and DiL's child on its head when you were babysitting, I wouldn't push the entitlement too far if I were you OP.

I would love to hear the DiL's side of this situation and family dynamic.

Definitely think she must have the patience of a saint!

JLou08 · 13/09/2026 20:19

I think you're out of order to even take your dog there when you know she doesn't like them, to then moan with your daughters about the dog having to go in the garden is even worse. You seem to have quite the sense of entitlement when it comes to your dog. Your DIL is perfectly reasonable to refuse to look after your dog,

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