AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

If she doesn’t like dogs and has no experience of them, she’s really not a good choice to care for one anyway, even if she’d volunteered for the job. She’d get it wrong and it would be stressful for her and the animal.

I think the breed will make a big difference to my actual answer.

While it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to me. A dog is a dog and I wont have one in my home.

Would the dog even be safe with your DIL. I'm not saying she would harm him but if she's not used to dogs would she be able to safely walk it, would she be aware to keep certain things away. She's not an appropriate person simply from an obvious lack of knowledge.

Absolutely. I like dogs but my world does not revolve around them like some people

Glad you’ve got the dog sorted.
Going forward when things are more back to normal I would really suggest looking at how you interact with your DIL…
You and your DD sound like you give her a bit of a hard time and if you treat/speak about her in real life to others how you have here, I’m glad you’re not my MIL…
Leave the dog at home when you visit her house in future, it’s really disrespectful to take a dog to their home knowing how she feels about them.

This. I quite like some dogs. I do not want a dog in my home. At all. Ever. I have LOTS of friends with dogs and they do not bring their dogs to my home ever because they know I don’t like having a dog inside.

In an emergency I’d be more than happy to go to THEIR houses and help with their dogs but not in my house. Ever.

None of my friends ask twice about bringing their dog to my home. Why do you bring your dog to your DIL’s house? I wouldn’t even want a dog in my garden! Because it’s MY garden and I choose NOT to have a dog and I don’t want it to wee and poo and walk about over things.

(I really don’t hate dogs and I’m genuinely fond of a few but I don’t want them in my home or car or garden. Ever.)

I do like dogs.

Doesn't mean I want to look after other people's though-even if I can.

I understand both sides, and I am a dog person.

I think the breed will make a big difference to my actual answer.

If it's a cockapoo, yes it's a bit mean not to offer some emergency help in these circumstances.
if it's a Rottweiler, while they are generally sweethearts, they are intimidating and very strong so I can't blame someone who hates dog to not be comfortable handling them.

Kindly, yes, you're being really, really, really unreasonable.

You can't decide to get a dog and then get mad when other people won't be responsible for it. There are kennels, you can ask friends or other family members...you have options. Your daughter-in-law just isn't one of them. She doesn't like dogs, so I don't understand why you even bothered asking her.

I really like dogs, but I wouldn't have a dog in my home either. It's a huge responsbility (walking them several times a day, play with them, feeding them, keep an eye on them, plan your entire day around them, etc.) that I'm not prepared to take on - plus, I don't want dog hairs and drool all over my furniture and carpets. Nor the smell.

You need to put your dog in a kennel if no one else can look after it. It's not ideal, but it is what it is. Please don't be upset with your daughter-in-law.

I find it odd you even asked her when “our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal”… it seems to me she’s made it quite clear over the years she doesn’t want a dog in her house so surely this is no surprise?

Why doesn't the dog go to a person who looks after a small number of dogs (1 or 2) at a time?

Agree.

this is SO unreasonable. You sound like you are looking for reasons to be cross with your DIL.

When you have pets you need to have plans for when things go wrong. This vould include paying for kennels or a dog walker. Your dog is not your childrens or your in-laws responsibility. You are lucky some of them will.

YANBVU

She doesn’t like dogs. Why on earth would she look after one?

I wouldn’t be looking after someone else’s dog in any circumstances. Their kids, yes if it was an emergency. But having someone else’s dog is just a much bigger ask if they’re not a dog person so would get no joy in it.

I do also agree with those saying it sounds like you view it as “women’s work” that she ought to do.

”Does’t like dogs” usually means someone who hasn’t grown up with dogs, someone who has absolutely no idea what looking after a dog entails AND is usually very nervous around them. Why on earth would you inflict that on your dog?!! You aren’t thinking rationally, this is nothing to do with your daughter in law.

Totally agree with this!

One of my very best buddies has and loves dogs and completely respects my not liking dogs!

While I completely respect her and her love for her dogs.

Anyone who can't respect other people's needs, are the dicks...

It is. But the next time DIL wants something from you op? You don’t do it. It really is that simple, after all, no one needs to do something they don’t want to or don’t like, do they?

Use a kennel or pay for a dog sitter. Start ringing round now.

some people don’t like dogs - that’s okay and you are completely unreasonable to expect this.

Typical MIL behaviour always the DIL in the wrong

Sorry you are in a stressful and upsetting situation with your relative.

But honestly, your poor DIL

my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand

Except you don’t. You take the dog with you to their house. You consider it problematic that the dog has to stay in the garden, and your DD’s are annoyed with her because if it.

And now , even though the family disrespect her reluctance to have your pet in her house and gang up on her over it, you want her to look after it while your Ds is absent.

What about your Sons in Law?

If you have a dog you have to have a proper contingency for it being cared for that doesn’t involve bitching about your DIL.

I hope you can find a suitable pet sitter or kennels or doggy friend in time.

Absolutely this.

You know you’re being massively unreasonable and I say that as a dog owner.
Why insist on taking your dog with you when you visit your Son/DIL when you know it’s not welcome in the house?!
You should leave it at home when visiting places/people who don’t want to be near them.
My sister doesn’t particularly like dogs, when I go over to hers for dinner my dogs stay at home!
You need to phone and book a kennels or dog boarder instead of moaning about your DIL..
Your dog is your problem and shouldn’t be foisted onto someone else especially when that person has made it very clear they don’t like dogs.
I’ve been in your shoes and booked mine in for a short kennel stay, yes I felt sorry for them having to go to one but I needed someone to take them at very short notice, they coped pretty well despite one being a nervous rescue dog.

This with bells on