AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

You have no idea whether DIL is living off 'his' money or not, although obviously if you're the sort of person who thinks the SAHP of a toddler without their own income is 'living off' the working spouse you'd be the sort of MIL to steer clear of.

She could have her own income streams and assets. They could be living in a home she brought to the marriage. It's an odd thing to invent.

Dogs are not allowed in my house at all, if you want to bring a cat that’s fine.

Can you explain why you both have to go? I don’t understand.

“we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away.”

So put the dog in a kennel, rather than trying to impose on other people.

How would someone scared of dogs even get close enough to one to put a lead on to take it for a walk?

No, it doesn't make any difference whatsoever. She doesn't like dogs, and her MIL's dog isn't her responsibility. OP, I really hope you haven't given her or your son the slightest indication of your sense of entitlement over this issue. If you have, be prepared for them to draw back from you considerably. Frankly, you have a nerve.

I'm with DIL, I really dislike dogs

That's good, hopefully the friend can help you out. If not, the best thing might be for whichever one of you isn't related to the ill person to stay at home.

Having met many ‘cockerpoos’ when working in the animal care industry, I’d rather look after a Rottie…
The breed is irrelevant in this situation anyway

There is no way I would have your dog. I don’t particularly like them and I’m not having one in my house. Part of the reason is I never want to be tied down by one so I take the view that you should have plans in place to deal with your dog in the event of an emergency.

I'm not very keen on dogs (although I tolerate nice ones) and my DH was attacked by a dog as a child, and is a bit phobic as a result so dogs would pretty much be a no no in our house. Dogs are just not some people's cup of tea.

imagine someone that charming being married to your son, AND living off his money while refusing to work.

It's not the actual dog situation that would upset me 😂
what was he thinking would come to mind.

I'm with you OP. I find it weird to not be willing to help a family member or a friend in need.
I'm not fond of kids but would look after my friends' kids in a heartbeat if they were facing an emergency.
I don't really like carrying heavy boxes around, but I'm always happy to give a hand to someone who needs help moving houses.

Now, if I'm honest, I'd hate my dog to stay with someone who doesn't like them, so I'd be looking for an alternative solution. Hope you find someone soon OP.

Doesn’t matter what frankenstein freak breed it is, if you don’t like shitehounds, you don’t like shitehounds.

Yes, very irresponsible attitude.

I don’t like dogs and there’s not a chance I would have one in my house for any reason. Surely there’s kennels? Why on earth do you think she should accept the dog being in her house when you visit? Leave the dog at home? Put it in kennels? No one should have to be inconvenienced or put out because of your dog. I’m so sorry about your ill relative but your dog isn’t her problem unfortunately.

Exactly this!
I don't like cleaning but would do it for my parents if they got ill and couldn't do it.
I don't like noisy toddlers but would look after my nephew in an emergency.

It's not about being a dog lover it's about being kind to family in need.

If your daughters like dogs they can have it, if it's alone during the day well lots of dogs are. Better than being with someone who doesn't like dogs and would presumably leave it outside all the time if she would have it at all.

I wouldn’t look after someone’s dog. I don’t like dogs and am scared of them. I wouldn’t have a dog in the house.

"Thankfully it looks like one of my friends might be able to step in and help."

There you go. Ideal solution. It really isn't on to get annoyed at your dil. She doesn't like dogs so she's simply not an option.

Why would you want your dog to stay with someone who 1)doesn't like it 2)is a dick in your eyes?

Your DIL isn’t adding to your stress OP - she hasn’t done anything! It’s your lack of sitter for your dog that is causing you stress which your DIL has nothing to do with. She has been clear and consistent - she is not going to provide care for your dog. Don’t scapegoat your DIL for your current predicament.

I have never had a dog I wouldn’t know what to do. I would hate to pick up their poo 🤮. It’s like giving a new born to a child free man.

It being a stressful time doesn't make your dog her problem though. It's a huge ask tbh. I can't have a dog where I live but even if I could I wouldn't want to deal with the mess, fur etc. I certainly don't want to be picking up someone else's dog's poo.

I'd happily help out with children or whatever but not pets. If you have a pet you should be prepared for all eventualities. You should have the means to pay for emergency care/kennels etc. If you don't then it's unwise to have a dog.