AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

You are being totally unreasonable. I love dogs but no way on earth would I expect anyone who has a fear of dogs to 'help out'. Sorry you are having a difficult time and need to get something arranged but expecting your DIL to do this is being very entitled.

Some people are not dog people,and l know plenty of people who object to dogs living in your home for hygiene reasons.l think you just have to accept she won't help and find a kennels for your dog,as anyone without family that is willing would have to do.
.

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

The parent of your MIL/FIL/DIL/SIL is dying. They live a few hours away. Understandably, the child of the dying person wants to go and see their parent on their deathbed. Rather than step in and help out with the dog, you’d insist that the person dying is only really related to one of them, so their partner should stay home with the dog.

you’d happily send someone off to one of the worst situations they’ll go through in their lives alone, rather than with support from their partner, instead of just looking after a dog for a few days?

allergies/incompatible pets/landlord restrictions aside.

kennels/dog sitters are no easier to come across in an emergency than a nursery or childcare placement.

Yabvu and you know that. Your poor dil. She done nothing wrong here. Have you tried kennels.

Daughter in law is a house wife. If you gave her a dog to look after, one she particularly doesn't care for because she clearly doesn't like dogs, you would massively increase her work load, along with a lot of stress.

Yes you're being unreasonable, and unbelievably selfish too.

Get a dog sitter or put it in a kennel.

You’ll have to excuse my skepticism, considering that this is an ongoing issue and that the OP’s daughter seem to egg her on with their dislike of the DIL’s boundaries. It’s common sense that only one person attends anything if you have a child / dog / commitment that can’t be left alone. You shouldn’t have to suggest that to a fully grown adult.

I would also refuse to have a dog in my home as I don't feel comfortable around them. Luckily my family and friends are all respectful of this and would never put me in this position - and if they secretly didn't like it then tough I don't really care! Hopefully you can find something suitable.

I despair at the sheer entitlement of dog owners. I would happily look after someone’s cat, hamster, rabbit, goldfish etc but not a dog.

YABU to expect someone who doesn't like dogs to look after your dog.

I'll happily help family with practical things and would look after their children if they needed it in an urgent situation even if it inconvenienced me a lot. I don't help with pets. I've made that very clear, and the one relative who acted like an entitled arse about me setting that boundary and kept pestering me to look after her dogs is someone I no longer speak to.

You can be disappointed she won't help, sure, but the way you're talking about her is very unpleasant. She has no obligation to help you at all. She doesn't like dogs. Her circumstances are irrelevant.

You are so entitled! I absolutely love dogs, but know not everyone does and never assume my own dog is welcome at other people’s houses. I can’t believe you take your dog to your DILs house when you know she doesn’t really want him/her there!! Find a kennels!!

Your dog doesn't need to stay in the garden when you visit her - it needs to stay at home.

She doesn't like dogs so unfortunately can't help you. Perhaps you can hire someone to check on the dog and walk it or put it in kennels for a while.

I'm sorry about your unwell relative but you need to find another solution to your pet care difficulties.

It's not about kids and dogs or donkeys or chickens, it's about doing something you don't like to help someone.

I didn't say I would look after my friends' dogs , just because I actually love dogs, anyone who asks me to look after their dog would be doing ME a favour.
But I don't know anything about kids and don't particularly like being around them but still, I wouldn't hesitate to help out a friend in need (whether it'd be wise to rely on me to take care of kids is another thing though)

Awful that you asked her.

They’re not just popping on holiday, OP said it was a family emergency…it’s a bit different.

I have suggested to OP that only one of them go to family emergency if nobody can help, because I’m not leaving my dog with just anyone and she wouldn’t find kennel space at short notice.

JFC. It’s one dog, it’s not a velociraptor!!! I truly hope not one of you who’ve spouted the “I don’t like” line ever asks anyone in your friends or family to help you, with anything, ever, even in an emergency. Oh, but I absolutely guarantee you have and you do, because somehow it’s “different” for you. I despair.

I love dogs
but we have wool carpets and I don’t want dog hairs in my house on my clothes and carpets. I don’t want a dog in my garden ruining my lawn and digging in my flower beds.

I have had doggy homes in the past but wish to keep my house dog free.

So you're one of those people who thinks everyone should love your dog.
I have 3 dogs, I love my dogs, I do not expect everyone to love or even like them.
Your dil is most definitely not being unreasonable, you however ......

I'd advise your DIL to get a cat.

I am sorry you have a very sick relative @BadGran but you are being VVV unreasonable re your DIL.

Some people, including me, are not dog people and are nervous of dogs. Even if I were comfortable with your dog, I coukdn't walk it due to other dogs.

Kennels, dog sitters or one of your dd's cd take unpaid leave perhaps and you could reimburse them.

Feeling really sorry for your DIL.

Dogs are not pariah’s for gods sake.

I don’t particularly like reptiles or other people’s kids etc but if a family member or friend was in a sticky emergency situation and needed help I would offer to go to their home to help out.

Have you offered OP any suggestions on what she can do or did you come on here just to say this?

Why do people think anyone should look after their dog? Literally it’s your own problem to deal with. Kennel the dog. I’ve just ended up reluctantly agreeing to walk my son’s dog while they go on holiday because his partner doesn’t believe in kennels. It’s ridiculous, I’m so cross that they aren’t dealing with their own dog! I have a dog and I find my own solution. I also don’t want anyone else’s dog hairs in my house. That’s totally reasonable.

How do you know she isn't independently wealthy? Or got a health issue and can't work? Or manages her investments for a living, and actually has more money than OP's son? Or that her husband prefers her not to work? Or that they are ttc, and she's not working to give herself the best chance of conceiving? Etc etc.

You should not be pressuring your DiL to do something she is clearly very uncomfortable with. Since either of your DD are happy taking care of your dog, but the issue is that they can't do anything during the day because they're working, surely the option is to have one of them house the dog and pay for a dog walker during the day. Either that, or pay for a kennel.

The OP wasn't asking the DIL to come to her home twice a day, give it food and water and let it out to the OP's garden. And she wasn't asking to cover a day or two until other solution kicks in.

If it was that, her dautghters might be able to do it - no WFH doesn't mean they can't come before/after.

We know that the OP isn't even leaving her dog at home when visiting DIL, she is forcing it at her and than is collectivelly annoyed (with her DDs) that the dog has to stay in the DIL's garden and isn't let inside.

The DIL can't give an inch because the OP isn't a reasonable dog owner at the best of the times.

This isn't about hate. It is about using the opportunity of supposed emergency to break the DIL's boundaries.

I don’t like dogs but always helped my MIL out with hers. She died last month and now I’ve taken on her dog. It’s helping family.
edit to say, while I wouldn’t choose to have dogs, this wee one is growing on me and it’s the least I can do for both of them.

Do daughters have partners? Maybe they could help. Alternatively your daughters could take leave from work (paid or unpaid). I think you're underestimating how hard it would be for someone who doesn't like dogs, to have to look after and share their home with a dog. If other family can't help then you'll have to use kennels or a dog sitter.