Page 15 | AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

godmum56 · 13/09/2026 22:09

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 13/09/2026 21:47

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

The parent of your MIL/FIL/DIL/SIL is dying. They live a few hours away. Understandably, the child of the dying person wants to go and see their parent on their deathbed. Rather than step in and help out with the dog, you’d insist that the person dying is only really related to one of them, so their partner should stay home with the dog.

you’d happily send someone off to one of the worst situations they’ll go through in their lives alone, rather than with support from their partner, instead of just looking after a dog for a few days?

allergies/incompatible pets/landlord restrictions aside.

kennels/dog sitters are no easier to come across in an emergency than a nursery or childcare placement.

that was precisely what we did do by which I mean that the partner stayed home with the dogs. it meant that the person travelling didn't have to worry at all about the dogs and was completely free to focus on and address the situation ahead of them.

KidsDoBetter · 13/09/2026 22:09

Another dog lover here but yes you need to admit that the 92% of people are right. YABVU. She doesn’t like dogs therefore can’t look after it. End of

JustSayyNo · 13/09/2026 22:08

One reason I keep my dogs' vaccinations up to date is in case there is ever an emergency and they have to go to kennels and no family member can take them.

How long are you expecting your DIL to watch the dogs for anyway? A day or two most people would just deal with. More than that is a lot to ask. I've had dogs here in the past and they are a lot more work than having your own dogs as they're in unfamiliar place with unfamiliar routine.

RockinCara · 13/09/2026 22:08

I agree with the above. Your dog would probably wouldn’t be treated very well, probably shoved out in the garden like usual, so it definitely wouldn’t be someone I’d ask to look after my beloved dog.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 13/09/2026 22:07

Kidsandhouse · 13/09/2026 22:04

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

I'll do many things to help out relatives and friends alike. But yes. I would flatly refuse to mind a dog. Under any circumstances.

And it seems I'm not alone in this opinion.

Indeed.

makes me even more appreciative of the people I have around me.

I’d do anything to help out a friend/family if they were going through a truly horrible time.

Actually, I do things I don’t particularly enjoy/want to do for my family in a non emergency too.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/09/2026 22:06

Hire a dog sitter, it is your only option. I would not have asked her to begin with as it was bound to cause offence on both sides.

FaceIt · 13/09/2026 22:06

Sorry but you are being unreasonable.
I would always help friends and family, but I really wouldn’t want to look after a dog.

I’m glad you’ve got a good friend to help you out. It’s much better for your dog to be with someone who actually likes him/her.

BeigeandGreige · 13/09/2026 22:06

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 13/09/2026 21:47

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

The parent of your MIL/FIL/DIL/SIL is dying. They live a few hours away. Understandably, the child of the dying person wants to go and see their parent on their deathbed. Rather than step in and help out with the dog, you’d insist that the person dying is only really related to one of them, so their partner should stay home with the dog.

you’d happily send someone off to one of the worst situations they’ll go through in their lives alone, rather than with support from their partner, instead of just looking after a dog for a few days?

allergies/incompatible pets/landlord restrictions aside.

kennels/dog sitters are no easier to come across in an emergency than a nursery or childcare placement.

Honestly, I’m glad I’m not friends with the majority of people on this thread in real life because who needs enemies, Jesus Christ. Anyone would think they’ve been asked to look after a fucking crocodile with herpes.

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 13/09/2026 22:06

pestowithwalnuts · 13/09/2026 19:38

Why do you take the dog to their house when you know she doesn't like them...and then moan because it has to stay in the garden ?
Not everyone lives dogs..

I wouldn’t even let someone put their dog in my garden so you are being vvvU
OP

Kidsandhouse · 13/09/2026 22:04

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

I'll do many things to help out relatives and friends alike. But yes. I would flatly refuse to mind a dog. Under any circumstances.

And it seems I'm not alone in this opinion.

Thisismynewname23 · 13/09/2026 22:02

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

I absolutely love dogs and have three of my own, but if I didn’t like them I wouldn’t look after one, in turn I wouldn’t want to leave my poor dogs with someone who didn’t adore them unless it was life or death. You mention the dog having to stay outside can you not leave it at home when you visit them? Why impose the dog on her when you know she doesn’t want it there? I would look to find a regular sitter that you could use in an emergency some will come and stay at your house or they can board in the sitters home rather than kennels

fashionqueen0123 · 13/09/2026 22:01

Also why do you take your dog to her house? Leave it at home!

Northernlights19 · 13/09/2026 22:01

SceptredIsle · 13/09/2026 21:24

I seem to have touched a nerve with you 😉 but let's not derail the thread

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Ugh, "touched a nerve" basically means "I've been a dick and I want to make out like it's your fault". Pathetic.

LobeliaCider · 13/09/2026 22:01

You were very unreasonable to ask your daughter-in to look after your dog in the full knowledge that she does not want it in her house. People who choose not to have dogs do so for a reason. I wouldn't have bothered to be polite in my refusal if you had asked to me.

You are also unreasonable to take the dog when you visit her and then bitch and complain to your daughters when your daughter-in-law - perfectly - reasonably tells you to leave it in the garden. It's entirely your fault if your pet is uncomfortable due to the weather, because you create the situation by taking it somewhere you know it's not welcome indoors.

You took on the responsibility for looking after the dog. Not your daughter-in-law. Neither you nor your daughters have any right to complain when she doesn't want it in her home.

Cyclebabble · 13/09/2026 22:00

Feels a bit clickbait like. Of course if your DIL does not like dogs you should not ask her to look after yours. Looking after a dog is a big responsibility and if she does not like them/has no experience in caring for them then it is perfectly reasonable she does not look after yours. Second points is the bit where you say she is a housewife and therefore could look after a dog. It seems like you see her as less than your daughters. Having ovaries and begin t home does m=not make her your default gofa.

TriciaA1991 · 13/09/2026 21:59

Keymoment · 13/09/2026 21:46

I despair at the sheer entitlement of dog owners. I would happily look after someone’s cat, hamster, rabbit, goldfish etc but not a dog.

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I agree - I would happily look after 8 children (and had three to stay on top of my own five for three months) but I will not have a dog in the house. LOTS of reasons. I would prefer to pay for kennels for someone rather than have a dog in the house.

FourSevenFive · 13/09/2026 21:59

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 13/09/2026 21:47

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

The parent of your MIL/FIL/DIL/SIL is dying. They live a few hours away. Understandably, the child of the dying person wants to go and see their parent on their deathbed. Rather than step in and help out with the dog, you’d insist that the person dying is only really related to one of them, so their partner should stay home with the dog.

you’d happily send someone off to one of the worst situations they’ll go through in their lives alone, rather than with support from their partner, instead of just looking after a dog for a few days?

allergies/incompatible pets/landlord restrictions aside.

kennels/dog sitters are no easier to come across in an emergency than a nursery or childcare placement.

I wouldn't take the dog to my home, just no. And twice no while being the sole carer for a toddler.

I'd try to help within my boundary of not touching the dog and not having it at my home.
I'd come to their home to hand keys over to a dog sitter, help with calling the sitters to get one, help pay for the dog-walker, babysit the OP's DD's child so the OP's DD would be able to do it.

The OP doesn't ask for any of that. She and her DDs are annoyed that the DIL isn't a willing dog care.

godmum56 · 13/09/2026 21:59

ICBA to RTFT but it occurs to me that as a dog lover, I wouldn't leave my dog (s) with someone who didn't like dogs. When we had dogs, when we had such a situation, one of us would stay with the dogs and the other one would go to the relative.

outerspacepotato · 13/09/2026 21:58

Your relative's emergency doesn't mean you can voluntell your DIL, who doesn't like dogs, to have your dog at her place and you've got a lotta nerve being mad at her about it.

Where's the SILs? Do you both have to be there? I mean, here you are having time to post and drag your DIL on Mumsnet. Why can't one of your daughters have the dog and you pay for a dog walker?

fashionqueen0123 · 13/09/2026 21:57

I wouldn’t let a dog in my house either. Why would you expect someone to?

lionessesisgreat · 13/09/2026 21:57

Keymoment · 13/09/2026 21:46

I despair at the sheer entitlement of dog owners. I would happily look after someone’s cat, hamster, rabbit, goldfish etc but not a dog.

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In all my years of responsible dog ownership, I have precisely twice asked family to help me in an emergency. Once when MIL had a stroke and once when DD went into very premature labour. If that makes me “entitled” so be it. But, I say again, I would bet my house that anyone saying “I wouldn’t” has infact asked others for help in an emergency at some point.

Bridang · 13/09/2026 21:53

Keymoment · 13/09/2026 21:46

I despair at the sheer entitlement of dog owners. I would happily look after someone’s cat, hamster, rabbit, goldfish etc but not a dog.

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Yes, same. I would go round and feed a cat but I dislike dogs. I find them dirty and smelly. No way would I be able to live with one around the house. And that would not be fair on the dog either. Some dog people are really a different breed, pardon the pun.

JeanSimmons · 13/09/2026 21:52

SceptredIsle · 13/09/2026 21:31

the point is that some people make an effort in an emergency. In this instance, they would at least come and feed the dog, and walk it once during the day until the pet sitter is free and the others are off from work, for example.

No one is talking about giving the dog a spa weekend in your own home and giving it your bed.

You are the perfect example why people don't like the ones who are so proud they "don't like dog". It's not about the dogs, it's just the generally unpleasant attitude.

If you can help someone when they are stuck in an emergency, why wouldn't you? We are talking friends or family! I am glad people around me are decent human beings.

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Nope, OP doesn't get to demand that her DIL helps her.

Meandthegherkin · 13/09/2026 21:52

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 13/09/2026 21:47

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

The parent of your MIL/FIL/DIL/SIL is dying. They live a few hours away. Understandably, the child of the dying person wants to go and see their parent on their deathbed. Rather than step in and help out with the dog, you’d insist that the person dying is only really related to one of them, so their partner should stay home with the dog.

you’d happily send someone off to one of the worst situations they’ll go through in their lives alone, rather than with support from their partner, instead of just looking after a dog for a few days?

allergies/incompatible pets/landlord restrictions aside.

kennels/dog sitters are no easier to come across in an emergency than a nursery or childcare placement.

No, I would ask a friend who likes or has dogs rather than someone who I know doesn’t like dogs. The latter would be would be very low on the list of people I would ask, especially if my child (their partner) was away and they may already be inconvenienced by that.

Bridang · 13/09/2026 21:50

BeigeandGreige · 13/09/2026 21:40

Dogs are not pariah’s for gods sake.

I don’t particularly like reptiles or other people’s kids etc but if a family member or friend was in a sticky emergency situation and needed help I would offer to go to their home to help out.

Have you offered OP any suggestions on what she can do or did you come on here just to say this?

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My reply was absolutely pertinent to the question. The daughter-in-law does not want to live with a dog. I could not stand to live with a dog. The OP is so unreasonable to even ask her. She was completely out of order. Some dog people are so deluded that they cannot understand that others really do not like dogs and do not wish to live with them.