AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Are you serious? Why are you taking the dog to their house when you know DIL doesn't like it? And then moaning you have to put it in the garden?

You literally could not be more unreasonable

very good point.

but this person isn't a friend, its her DIL. They didn't choose to be linked together.

I agree. I’ve been asked a few really unreasonable things recently. Things that to me are absolute common sense that I am not in a position to do. So now, I have to walk around with the guilt (and shame?) of being the person that said no, I can’t get past it and I’m so resentful that they put me in a position where I’ve had to refuse something that I simply am not in a position to do. So many people say that it’s not entitled to ask but when someone has not volunteered to do something that they know you need then surely it’s best not to ask? Really all you’re doing is hoping to guilt them into it! You know they don’t want to. I would rather drink arsenic than have someone do something for me that I know they don’t want to. It seems some people just want to bully / shame people into it.

Some of the posts on here saying people are awful and 'glad I don't have family members like these people' because they wouldn't help with dogs are just ridiculous.

Refusing after a dog, when you don't like them/ are allergic/ are afraid or don't like them doesn't mean you wouldn't help out in other ways or are unkind, selfish or wouldn't help out family.

I'd happily (and have) looked after my nephews and nieces, my friend's children, we had friends move in and live with us when an emergency happened in their home, have driven people to airports, lent money etc etc I would do many many things to support loved ones, as I am sure all the others who wouldn't look after dogs would!

Looking after an animal is very different, especially when you aren't comfortable around them, don't like them or fear them. Just because dog owners are happy around dogs and don't see it as any way problematic, others do not feel the same. It doesn't matter if it's just for someone to pop to the shops or whether it's a massive emergency... you can't force someone to feel comfortable and make their nervousness or anxiety around dogs magically disappear enough to suddenly be equipped to deal with one. It is a very different thing.

I've raised my own children, worked in education my whole life and have plenty of nieces and nephews I adore: I'd happily look after multiple children at short notice but I've never looked after an animal and wouldn't want to.

Are you high?!

the OP has tried to avoid leaving her dog with strangers, or at a kennels, and is getting absolutely slated for it!

Or only one of them go and the other look after their dog?!

Why cant you take the dog with you?

You take it to DILs rather than leave it at home like a normal person who knows dogs arent loved by anyone? Its rather rude. And I say that as a dog owner.

Your DIL shouldn't even br an option to think of as she's made it clear she won't do it.

Yup.. you just pay a sitter. The fact she’s a “housewife” is irrelevant. She doesn’t have to look after your dog.

@BadGran I am on the dil side, I am not a dog person, and would not like them in my house either. I have no interest in pets. She is well within her rights to say no. That is what doggy day care is for.

Make a cast iron, unbreakable plan for every single emergency. And if you dont want, or cant afford, to do that then dont get a dog.

It really is that simple.

How the hell do you think the dog will feel be shunted into somewhere it doesnt know, with someone it doesnt know and who will have a different routine to the one they are used to?

I would say that anyone calling us "No, I dont like dogs" people cruel are actually the cruel ones themselves. You want a dog for fun and companionship when it suits you, but dont seem to care how the dog feels when it gets taken to kennels or left with a stranger for your convenience.

They aren’t really in need though are they. There are usually ways around things. They don’t both have to go.

YABU. Find a boarding kennels.

I wouldn't be friends with you if you forced your dogs on me, no thanks.

You decided not to mention your son and DIL have a toddler, then @BadGran ? So you say she’s a “housewife” rather than a SAHM, and don’t mention that she’s solo parenting whilst your son is away. She doesn’t like dogs, and that’s reason enough, but there’s also the added complication of dealing with a small child and a dog.

YABVU. She’s not comfortable around dogs. I would be the same and would find it rude, disrespectful and a massive imposition to be asked.. It’s really unfair you’re directing your stress at her.

This!

Plus…Stop taking your dog round to her house when you know she doesn’t like them.

You need to find a kennels you like and use them. I love dogs but none of my friends or family bring their dog to my house.

I don’t like dogs and so wouldn’t have one in my house. I have cats but even if I didn’t I wouldn’t want a dog in my house.

When I went away a few years ago I had a young colleague come and house sit for me and take care of my cats. She was 19 and super sensible (her idea of a party was hot chocolate and an early night) and she loved the idea! We were away for 3 weeks. I gave her money to treat herself to a takeaway, left wine in the fridge and all the food essentials. She loved it. Do you have any friends with any sensible young adults who would stay at yours for a bit of cash?

YABU. I don’t ever have pets in my house. Why do you take your dog with you when you go to their house? Dog dander can lodge itself under carpets. I don’t even usually allow them in the garden. it sounds like you are being very unkind on your DIL. You are not respecting her opinions.

Not in my local ones, and they might waive it for an emergency anyway. I've been fortunate not to need kennels, I really don't want to send my dogs there because they won't understand, but I also keep their vaccinations up to date 'just in case' of emergency.

Take the dog with you.

I guess it depends where the OP is.

They are never easy to come across in my area.

And I’m pretty sure a prerequisite of most, if not all, the kennels would be previous settling in sessions.

Gosh aren’t you a lovely lot on here!! I hate dogs etc - what a nasty thing to say!! I love dogs and wouldn’t be friends with people that didn’t like my dog - I would happily look after your pooch!