AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

Also agree that with an ill relative just one of you could go

Lots of kennels near us. I wouldn’t have a dog in the house.

YABU. She doesn’t like dogs and presumably has children if she is at home. Can one of you not stay home with the dog or take it with you.

You've framed this as a complaint that your DIL is being unhelpful. This isn't accurate.

She's been very clear that the dog is not welcome and you are simply refusing to respect this. You should not be taking it to her property at all, let alone asking her to take responsibility for it.

What your complaint amounts to is that your DIL wouldn't drop her personal boundary to suit you. That's not refusing to help, that's someone drawing the line and no, they're not even close.

I'm sorry to hear your relative is unwell but it changes nothing: The dog is your responsibility alone. Call a sitter, apologise to your DIL and don't take your dog to her property in future.

Exactly.

And also why should someone be expected to allow a cockapoo in their house if they don’t like dogs? I am baffled by that. They still count as dogs ffs!

I’m no expert in breeds but from my experience the cockapoos I’ve encountered are unhinged. My neighbours cockapoo dog jumped on me and scratched my leg and she stood there and grinned. I saw her a few days later and it came towards me again, I had to tell her to make sure her dog never touched me again or I’d report her. So yeah it being a cockapoo doesn’t make it any better @SceptredIsle

Being “mean” would be owning or looking after a dog and mistreating it. Knowing what you like and don’t like, and staying away from the latter as much as you can is being an adult and using common sense. Not being “mean”.

I am convinced this is also about a power struggle. She’s consistently testing her DiLs boundaries and is irked by the fact she stands on business and doesn’t budge from her no dogs rule.

How judgemental can some people get? You have no idea why she doesn’t work and another poster saying “time on her hands.” I work full time and I’m childless and I wouldn’t swap someone being on call 24/7 to be a dogs body, a thankless dogsbody, for nothing. Thank you.

This needs repeating.

Would also add that you @BadGran don't seem to care for your dog very much

I have a dog that I adore and I wouldn’t want anyone who doesn’t love dogs looking after him. When we’re away I want him to be loved and fussed over, not shoved in the garden and neglected so I don’t know why you would even want her to look after your dog!

Just return the favour when she is in a bind. Simples.

That is just despicable. Shame on you.

I suppose nowyou know what to say to her if she needs a favour one day. Yes I would be that petty. well ok I wouldn't because I don't give favours to receive BUT I wouldn't forget it

Yeah I wouldn’t even be keen to have a dog in my garden. What if it shits? I spend enough time dodging dog poo on the pavement and in parks. I don’t need it in my garden too.

I am so glad my partner stays in a block of flats where dogs are not allowed so his parents don’t bring around their poorly trained huge dog. And they never come round mine.

I must say kudos to OP’s son for presumably backing his wife. It should be a given but we see on here all the time men letting their parents order their wives around.

Why on earth would you take your dogs to the house of someone who has made it clear that they don’t like dogs?!! Dog owners never cease to amaze me

You’re very unreasonable. I don’t like dogs and wouldn’t want them in my house either. Your plans with your dog have absolutely nothing to do with her

I couldn’t leave my dog with someone who doesn‘t like dogs, regardless of our relationship or the circumstances. I need to fully trust that the person I’m leaving my precious dog with understands just how important he is and won’t make a half hearted effort to look after him

If she isn’t a dog lover she isn’t being unreasonable not to want a dog in her house.
Shame the one family member with plenty of time on her hands is the one who doesn’t like dogs…

You are very high and mighty aren’t you.

You chose to have a dog and need to organise suitable care for that dog if you have to travel. Your chosen ‘suitable’ care is a daughter in law who hates dogs-that isn’t a solution. If your own actual children are far too busy to do it, you need to have organised pet sitters/kennels. If you haven’t done that, then one of you can’t go and see the sick relative; you need to choose which one.

Lack of planning on your part doesn’t make an emergency on your daughter in law’s. She didn’t choose to have the dog!

Glad you found someone else OP but yes chiming in with the masses to say YABVU 😂

I don’t like dogs and would be incredibly uncomfortable and even distressed with one in my house. My house is my safe space from dogs considering they are everywhere nowadays! You also don’t know what people are going through in life or in their mental state, if dogs make her anxious and she’s already dealing with something it might tip her over the edge.

Also dogs are unpredictable and they might pick up on your DILs fear/dislike and react in some way. It’s massively unwise for you to push this.

And stop bringing the dog to their house!!

YABVU. I like dogs but don’t have one because my life isn’t suited to it at the moment for a multitude of reasons - dogs are a tie. DH family often used to dump boisterous dogs on us and it is such an imposition (luckily have cats now, so they can’t do that anymore). Given she doesn’t like dogs (which is understandable) I can’t believe you even asked her.

I also hate the way people just assume they can bring dogs with them anywhere and when they are out of control (eg jumping up at a tiny baby) it’s just laughed off.

Why not just take it with you?

Apart from this, why do you take your dog to hers often enough that your daughters are annoyed it’s not in the house? Can your SsIL not work from home yo look after your dog?

That's why a responsible dog owner keeps these things up to date and ready to go.

Nope, we can both sleep soundly knowing that are opinions on the situation remain unchanged.

I havent made any assumptions.

I made one assertion that the DIL is a stranger to the dog, as she is. That is clear from the OP.

I made two guesses based on the OP's info.

Anything else?

I think in the situation you describe - essentially an emergency - I would feel disappointed too that a relative would not help.