AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

She has a dog and no-one to look after it. Maybe she doesn't have a choice? Or one of them has to stay home with the dog?

maybe the OP doesn't want the expense.

To be honest it’s weird you even want her to. She’s not a dog person, I’m not a dog person either - I’m allergic anyway but quite frankly I despise them. Someone once asked me if I could let their dog out. The answer was no, partly because of my allergy but also because I have no flipping clue want to do with the thing. I don’t know how to call it back, how to get it to do anything, how to interact with it. It wouldn’t be safe and it would be stressful for me and the dog. Your DIL is probably the same. Why would you want someone with no dog experience to look after your dog? Get a sitter or put in kennels.

You are being entirely unreasonable. Your daughter in law has made it very clear how she feels. Your dog, your responsibility. Either take your dog with you, put it in kennels or pay someone to look after it. Whatever the case, it’s your issue, not you DIL’s responsibility. I feel sorry for her having to put up with pressure from you.

She's perfectly entitled to not want to look after your dog so you need to just accept it and not feel upset or cross with her. Would you want to look after someone's tarantula, for example?

Glad you found someone who could help. Dogs are lovely but a big responsibility.

Kennels isn't for emergencies though. I've literally just googled and my local one's waiting list is currently almost 6 weeks.

I've never researched kennels myself, why would I when I have absolutely no need to use one, never have and my dog is almost 11. I am not against them at all but they're not suitable for all dogs, training or no training.

You should stop thinking of other people as staff. Your DIL's decision to be a housewife is a matter between her and your son. It does not mean she is available to take on pet care and other duties for the entire extended family.

Not liking dogs and not wanting one in my home, not wanting to to look after one doesn’t make me or the person you originally quoted “hateful”. It just means that we don’t like dogs (for whatever reason)
Just like everyone likes/doesnt like all sorts of things. Eg walking in the rain vs sunshine. Reading book vs not being a reader. Gym bunny vs couch potato. Being different is what makes us human.
You’d be happy to look after someone’s dog. Others wouldn’t which is a perfectly valid choice. Not hateful.

If you can’t get a dogsitter, then one of you has to stay at home to look after your dog while the one whose relation is ill goes to help them.

I'm glad I only read the OP's posts in this rage bait-y thread.

Everyone has their issues. Now you know. Never try to make this demand of her again.

Why do you bring it round to your DS & DIL's house anyway OP? If the dog is so poorly trained can't be left at home while you pop round for a cup of tea and a play with your DGD is it any wonder your DIL doesn't want it in her home around her child? What is she supposed to do when she wants to take her DD to soft play or a play date and she is responsible for a dog who is not used to being left? Having the dog is going to completely bugger up whatever routine her and her DD have. Just because she is a SAHM doesn't mean that she stays home all day.

No, just a responsible dog owner that knows emergencies happen, so keep my records for both my dogs in order, just in case. I have elderly parents overseas. If I couldn't get them emergency care, I suppose my husband would have to stay home. Like kids, the dogs won't just disappear conveniently.

You are of course being unreasonable.
There seems to be this trend at the moment of people who are absolutely unhealthily nutty about their dogs. Can't seem to visit friends, go to a café or even shopping without their dog. I know a lot of people who got dogs in lockdown, didn't socialise them and now can't control them. What's more they are quick to dismiss bad behaviour.

DH and I both grew up with multiple dogs from a young age, our whole childhoods. I used to consider myself a dog lover but now I can't stand them. Partly because of how many near misses we've had with out of control dogs but also sick of people who think dogs are their babies and they are horrified at not taking them everywhere or can't possibly put them away for visitors (even for babies/small children).

I am massively projecting, but all to say that if you don't like dogs you will never in a million years take care of one, especially in your home.

We wouldn't let people walk on our carpet with boots/shoes on (unless workmen possibly), so the idea that an animal who has walked around outside would be on your carpet, sofa, bed 🤢. The ones who share beds absolutely blow my minds.

Please don't ask people who don't like dogs to have them, and please stop taking them to their homes even if it is to be in their garden. It's weird.

My husband used to work abroad sometimes when my eldest was little, it was very hard. She may not be in paid employment but she will be working hard looking after your DGD. The last thing she needs is MIL's dog to look after, especially as she doesn't recieve help from you since you dropped her toddler.

When you get pets you work through these scenarios - dogs can be pretty Marmite kind of pets so if she's uncomfortable you can't just get huffy about it.

I think you'll have to look at a kennel.

Some people like you, should not be allowed to have pets. Horrible way to treat a dog.

Completely unreasonable. Your dog, your problem to sort - and I say that as a dog owner myself. If your daughters are that bothered, then they can take leave from work and look after the dog. Do they not have husbands or partners that could do their share and 'chip in' - or is it just your poor DIL that you all like to bad mouth. Seems like there's much more resentment here that you and your daughters have towards DIL, and not just this dog issue. Poor woman.

You are absolutely dreadful to even consider leaving your dog with her. You are beyond dreadful to have ever left your dog outside in a garden. The poor dog should be taken away from you!

And I am curious as to why the dog cant travel with OP and then her and her partner take turns to look after the dog when they’re at the relatives house/hospital?

While one of them visits the relative, the other could drive around with the dog or take them for a walk.

A friend of mine was stopping into to see me on her way back from another city when I was unwell .

She was with her husband, child and dog.

I said I wasn’t keen on dogs and she took zero offence. She just left the dog with her family and met me separately while her family went off and got something to eat. No fuss no problem!

i don’t know her family at all, but if for example say I knew her husband and had wanted to see him too, they could have just did a switch over at one point where she drove off with the dog and child and he came out to see me.

I adore dogs, my own especially - there is no way I would leave them with someone who didn’t love and know how to take care of them. You need to find a live-in sitter. There are loads of them around, fully referenced and insured.

Your dog your problem and you are being VVVV unreasonable expecting her to have it in her house!

@LadyLaundry I picked up on the issue of pushing boundaries too - isn’t it funny how some people really get upset when someone holds their boundary?

Especially when that someone is a woman!

The fact that both Op and her daughter have complained about the DIL in regards to her not allowing the dog in the house even before this is very telling.

They seem to feel their desire to have this dog in her living space should trump her discomfort/fear/dislike of dogs. And after bitching about her attitude towards the dog they had a nerve to try get her to do them a favour regarding said dog.