AIBU to want distance from friends who trigger heavy drinking?

If something (anything) triggers you to drink to drink more than you want to and you are not in control of your drinking, then you have an alcohol problem. You need to seek help for your alcohol problem, and temporarily not seeing these friends may well be part of your recovery.

Whilst I understand you aren't suggesting they make you drink, you are very much framing this that them, or going out with them, is the problem. It's not the problem. The problem is that you are unable to stay in control of your alcohol intake. You need to seek treatment for the root cause of your problem, your lack of control around alcohol, not focus on what your friends are doing.

This is down to you and your inability to control your drinking in a given environment. It's not the actual environment or situation. As you say, your drinking inhibitions are lowered so you say yes...that's on you.

I’ll be halfway through my drink and someone else is finished with theirs and says i’m going to the bar do you want another one? And as I’ve already started drinking inhibitions are lowered and judgement is affected and so ofc I just end up saying yes. It’s almost like an out of body experience tbh

You can go and not drink as much. Unless they are monitoring your drinking and handing you shots the you can still have a drink but not as much so you’re suffering afterwards.
This is what I do (now!) too many hangovers which take me too long to get over so I moderate my drinking and don’t announce to anyone what I’m doing. They can still drink what they like and none notices

I think a problem with going with alcohol free alternatives is that you may still spend £100s because of buying rounds and the cost of those alternatives.
But at least you'd fix the hangover issues so that's half the problem solved.
Maybe skip every other one and if it's a good friend see them for a birthday lunch, cake or coffee or something else instead. Solves half the problem if it's only every other month, and then also alternate soft drinks or leave earlier before you've had the last 2 that really put you into full on hangover?

It’s become so much more socially acceptable now not to drink, I think you’re making up excuses.

Either go and don’t drink, or have alcohol free versions of you still want that taste. Or just don’t go. Do they pressure you to drink?

If you are choosing to go out with them, you are choosing to go on a bender. It's not their fault, it's not the fault that they're in a club/pub/bench on the corner by the market/wherever, it's your decision to go there in the knowledge (even if it's being heavily denied) that this is also by choice, a decision to go and drink large amounts with an 'It's not my fault, they made me do it' afterwards.

Go and don't drink? You don't want to do that, you go because you want to drink and regret the aftermath. So don't go in the first place.

You’ve just got to be strong OP. If you like these people and want to socialise with them, you have to take responsibility for the alcohol you drink. Just go in rounds with your DH and you can both monitor each other.

If you really can’t drink less in their company, you’re going to have to cut them off. It’s causing too many issues for you, and is really bad for your health.

Oh and I found that moderating / drinking less never worked for me. If I had one I’d have more.

I drink 0 alcohol now and knowing that there is no limit, no of drinks, oh just one has made it easier. No I don’t drink; repeat ad infinitum. Nobody pushes me to because I do not drink any alcohol at all and people hear that and back off. Unlike when I was ‘just having 2’ and they’d buy me shots.

That saying Friends are for a reason, a season or for life should include phase or a stage because friends do drop off when drugs or alcohol are cut back on or given up completely. It's the natural order of thing.

I quit a year ago. I’d absolutely step back from them while you get used to your new normal, but I wouldn’t ditch them if you’ve previously enjoyed these events. I now go to such events and when people drink heavily I just have 0% beer or a Coke and I still enjoy myself. I tend to just leave earlier when everyone starts getting annoying.

When I wake up the next day to the drunken WhatsApp group and go out to water my plants all clear headed and happy and at peace it’s all worth it. You get used to it I promise.

The fact you’re spending hundreds of pounds on one night out suggests you’re drinking a hell of a lot.

Can you not just drink less? Alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.

Binge drinking to this degree on a regular basis in your 30s/40s is not normal really.

Could you plan an activity with the same group of people in an environment where there isn't alcohol available? Maybe a walk or something similar. They may want to go to the pub afterwards but you could skip that bit.

Obviously you CAN, but there's nothing more boring than being with a load of people who are off their heads when you are stone cold sober. And watching your partner spending money and talking crap isn't most people's idea of a good night out.

Well actually your op didn't say that you've tried and you asked for suggestions so..

@TFImBackIn you can't. Doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.

Ah - crossposted. Just don’t go then. Though I think as long as you leave as soon as you’re bored, it makes it more fun for you as the non drinker. It’s gritting your teeth and staying beyond good company that makes it hellish.