AIBU to want distance from friends who trigger heavy drinking?

I'd go out & drink softies or alcohol free drinks & say that you two will get your own drinks / rounds. Can at least one of you drive??

It's hard, I get it. I've been trying to reduce & then stop drinking for a while now - I'd found a good thread on here actually.

It took me several attempts, but now I just see alcohol as poison generally. All it does is increase your risk of serious diseases and has the potential to cut your life short. I still have the odd wobble, but I find the alcohol free options, particularly guinness or a real ale sort that out & then tap water. I spen waaay less now too.

I don't know whether that's helpful to you or not? Another benefit of the above is with a clear mind it's much easier to leave earlier - and noone notices as they are pi$$ed.

Yeah there was definitely an element of aggression on someone not willing to get legless with them; my closest friend at the time came from a family of heavy drinkers so I think it seemed normal for her.

Strangely while we were on a night out, another member of the group became quite nasty when someone disagreed with her over something; my friend confided " Linda gets quite nasty when she's drunk". The irony being my close friend didn't realise she could give Linda a run for her money in the aggression stakes when she'd had a few. I remember another friend commenting on how the mutual friend was so drunk in the pub toilets she could barely stand. These things stick in your mind.

I do wonder if alcohol is often used to boost confidence on a night out, then it becomes a habit/ addiction. I'm lucky I grew out of it.

Because it's common sense. It's not healthy not to have control over your drinking, nor to blame your inability to control your drinking on an external circumstance or person/people.

Here's my tips.

1. Stop drinking completely for a few months. It's much easier not to want to drink once you start reaping the benefits, having a clearer head and no grogginess. If this feels like an impossible ask, maybe ask yourself why...

1. Tell them you're not drinking at the moment because you're getting awful hangxiety and want to have a break for your health. If they then take the piss or try to persuade you to drink "just one" they're shit friends. As a pp said some might be a bit defensive about it

1. Can you drive to your night out? Driving (and not drinking at all, not even a tiny one) really helped me to keep my resolve because you don't really have the choice to buckle, assuming your a responsible human who wouldn't drink and drive

1. Go somewhere where you can get really delicious not too sugary non alcoholic drinks that will make up for missing out on your usual favourite drink. Stop buying rounds.

If youre not a qualifed alcohol counsellor how do you know all the stuff you claim to know?

Honestly when I stopped drinking I lost a whole group of friends. Retained a few individually, the ones that I guess were actually friends.

That sounds really difficult to navigate (sorry to state the obvious). Unfortunately the only way to guarantee not getting drunk is to avoid these gatherings. It doesn’t sound as if you have a problem in general, but that your drinking habits and behaviour around this specific group of people are so firmly entrenched that you slide back into them, however good your intentions, and fighting it is a losing battle.

Their attitude towards AA doesn’t sound great, either - we often have people join AA meetings who recognise old drinking friends from years gone by - which is quite funny (for them) when they realise why they dropped out and where they’ve been.

I took a step back from a group of friends for the same reason OP; i was in my early 30s and woke up one New Year's Day feeling terrible, took all day to recover, plus I begrudged the money wasted on alcohol.

I know New Year's Eve is a special occasion, but the hard drinking friends were at it every weekend, and if I wanted to stay off the booze and have a soft drink, they got quite aggressive, as if my choice reflected badly on them.

30 years later they still drink heavily, and I just think of the money wasted and the damage to their health. One has a heart condition and I'm convinced it's from her heavy drinking. I didn't want to end up like that, with the aim of any night out was to get absolutely plastered, so I just stopped going.

Well you asked me. I'm not a qualified alcohol counsellor, so I can't answer that question.

I do know, that if you cannot stay in control of your drinking, you need professional advice to address that. Simply staying away doesn't resolve the underlying problem long term, because throughout your life, if you are not in control of your alcohol intake, you will come across a multitude of triggers and you've only dealt with the symptom, not the cause.

I understand this scenario exactly. In the end I developed a detailed strategy. For me this was:

1. Always eat something and drink a large glass of water before you join them. Starting off dehydrated and with an empty stomach will make you drink more and feel worse.

1. Arrive a bit later than the others so you miss the first round (especially if it's likely to involve cocktails).

1. When it's your round, order a 0% drink if possible, or at least a small glass of wine or single shot G&T. Agree with your DH you'll do this for each other.

1. Eat something and have a glass of water on the go at all times.

1. Always say no to shots.

1. Go home when you get bored.

You can do this OP! I actually don't see those friends any more as I got bored of their drink obsession, so the same may happen to you.

Do whatever is best for you - I just wouldn't go anymore but not try to stop my partner. And hope that your partner realises when you're not there, that he also doesn't enjoy it as much.

It's worth trying to befriend another group of people and meet with them - then slowly integrate with your partner and let him choose. Because at the minute, his choice is: the existing group or no friends. And if he isn't as far along as you then it may fall to you to lead the way - good luck with that and I hope you manage it. It's definitely the healthier option from what you've described.

I have a similar issue and I’m not sure people are quite getting it. I want to cut down - maybe cut out - booze. With many of my friends it will be fine, it has been before if I’ve not drunk alcohol, they’ve taken the piss slightly re Dry January but fine. There are other situations I know I’ll find a bit more awkward, and likely would cut a bit shorter - work related things, big socials with lots of people I don’t know, where booze can make it flow more easily. But there is one couple who I really love but I find it soo hard to see them without drinking, and am just dreading how to navigate the friendship if I do quit. I’ve tried many of the things people suggest - arranging walks rather than pub nights etc - but it never really gets anywhere. I think they probably have some issues of their own, but any attempt to make it a less boozy evening seems to fail. As a result I see them less, but it does feel like a shame. If I had iron willpower or no issue with drink it would be different, I’m sure, but I do think some groups are more difficult to manage. So no specific advice but you have my sympathy! I think the advice to reduce seeing them so it’s not every month is a good start

Have you told these friends you want to cut down?

If they are good friends, they will not keep offering more drinks and maybe you and your DH just stay in a round by yourself

I have a friend who decided to cut down massively - but before our next night out she told us all that was the plan and asked us to support her decision.

And we’re not dicks, so we did!

No idea. See an alcohol counsellor for advice.

Nope, it makes perfect sense (and cross posted with my similar response).

If you cannot stay in control of your alcohol intake in any situation, you have an alcohol problem. That is where the problem lies, not with the particular environment.

People without an alcohol problem can stay in control of their drinking, regardless of the environment they are in. You cannot do that, do you need to deal with the underlying issue, which is your problem with alcohol.