Do you force your kids to do extra-curriculars

Could you compromise @Aplaceinthesunallweekend?

If the lessons are formal and geared towards exams, could she give up the lessons for the time being and just spend the same ½ hour at home playing for pleasure? (obviously will depend on you having a keyboard at home)

Music has been wonderful for my DC, now in their late teens, but there was definitely a long phase (probably aged 6-10) when progress seemed a bit slow and I had to actively encourage them to practise their instrument. The real breakthrough was when they were able to play by ear and could start to play snatches of any tune they enjoyed. This should be even easier on the piano than on other instruments. My DC then started really enjoying it and of course the more you play the better it sounds…

I think stick with it for a bit longer, as you may be on the cusp of progress. Also remember that the skills involved in reading music and playing any instrument will themselves improve as she grows and develops.

Does she have books with versions of popular songs etc?

Not to every child though. I wanted to learn piano but after havig lessons learned that I’m not musically inclined at all and the hard work I was putting in gave so little progress it wasn’t worth it.

I changed to a different extra curricular that ended up being my degree subject and I have absolutely no regrets about not having pursued music further, it’s not for me.

I think it’s important that kids are given the opportunity to work that out for themselves but OP has given her daughter that.

I’d be asking what does she want to swap for.

I agree with this. I am surprised as so many comments saying make her do it.

The only thing I ever forced my daughter to do at primary school was swimming, and I felt that was an essential life skill. She tried a couple of after school clubs, but she decided that she would just rather come home and play when school finished. The only other extra curricular activities that she did were Kumon maths, which she was desperate to start in Year 1 because she was so bored with the level of work at school, and riding on Saturday mornings for a couple of years. She continued Kumon until she started Year 7, when she had an hour’s journey home from school and had difficulty getting to the classes in time. My daughter started learning to play the flute in Year 3 and continued this until Year 11, but at junior and secondary school, lessons were always during the school day. She was almost always enthusiastic about practising each night.

DD can sometimes get lazy and miss a lesson or two of ballet.
Then she gets anxious because of the missed lessons and feeling "behind" and the anxiety becomes a reason not to go in.

Ive recently started being firmer with her because she does really enjoy ballet when shes there and she would be sad to drop it. She just needs a bit of scafolding to keep up the habit.

If she consistently told me she didnt like ballet and came out of ballet saying she hadnt enjoyed herself i would let her drop it.

Piano after around a year at average 8 year old progress can get hard and takes a bit of effort. It might be that it isn’t for her or it might be that she needs a gentle push to get over the hump, so I would talk to her piano teacher and see if there’s some music that’s she’s into that might grab her interest and put a time limit on it - perhaps 1/2 a term. The great thing about the piano is that there is so much music out there, you can always find something.

But people tend to pick the piano to learn for their children, or children choose it as it’s familiar but I’m a firm believed that you need to click with the instrument. DD2 wanted to learn the piano like her sister but it started to become clear it wasn’t her instrument. She clicked with the saxophone and is flying - definitely a one clef girl! Music does get hard at times and there are bumps and lots of people who play at a high standard say they were tempted to give up at times. But it’s a balance between getting over the hump or this isn’t the instrument for me.

Not really. If anything was already paid for, she had to go for the remainder, then she was allowed to quit. Sometimes she changed her mind, sometimes she didn’t and was adamant she didn’t want to do it. Didn’t see the point in paying for her to just be miserable.

If she really doesn't want to do it then I'd listen to her. I had music lessons and had times when I wanted to give up that lasted a few weeks but then I'd enjoy it again. if she's been saying she doesn't want to do it for a while then I'd accept her choice.

The only.one I never compromised on was swimming for safety reasons. They knew they had to get to a certain stage where they were able to be confident in swimming and could do a certain distance before they could stop.

Depends on the child. DD loved activities do it was more a case of containing her enthusiasm. There were a couple she dropped after a couple of tasters but otherwise she did actvities for a reasonable amount of time (1 year +)

DS takes more encouragement to start activities so he gets more pushing to keep going and if he drops something we encourage him to think about what else he would like to do. So e.g. he's recently stopped choir and swimming but has taken up football. Dropping swimming was because he reached the minimum standard I was happy with, it's my one non-negotiable.

So has she done effectively one school year of piano or less? If she has shown perseverance in other activities I'd let her drop this one. If there's a pattern of getting quickly bored with things I'd think about what was important and be strict about doing that but let them drop others after a reasonable time.

For me, it depends on the activity. I pushed a bit more for swimming lessons and music lessons than I did for activities that were purely for fun.

Generally I coaxed my dc to keep going for a bit, especially if it was something they enjoyed once they were there, but if they consistently didn't want to do something we stopped.

If I felt strongly, we tried to find a compromise. For example, we stopped the group swimming lesson with a teacher the dc didn't gel with and did a 1:1 lesson with a fun teacher instead.

Piano is not the beginners instrument its seen to be. If you really want DC to study music maybe try violin or guitar, or something she wants a go of.
I always paid for lessons either monthly or termly, so DC had to keep going til then.

Music is a tough one. As PPs have said, it can take a long time to improve enough to enjoy it. Maybe ask the teacher for some ideas to 'jazz it up'. In the early days, only a year in, there should still be some easy/exciting bits.

Both of mine played an instrument and I made them keep going. DD1 kept going until the end of primary and DD2 kept on until the end of yr10.

Could she not try something else? I was forced to stick with piano until I was 14 and I absolutely hated it. I just found it deathly dull.

There are tons of other activities she could do.

But she HAS tried it and doesn't like it. So why can't she now stop and try something new?

Well no I wouldn’t now I am in my 40’s but as a child I am darn glad my parents made me persevere at stuff as I found new friends, learnt to stick at stuff and have had a life rich with trying new things. I think given the choice many children would just stay at home and not try but they don’t view stuff in the same way or see the benefits in the same way as adults with the benefit of hindsight do.

Hmmm I would perhaps go in the stance of ok your not interested in Piano so we need to find something else and ask what she would like to pursue or give her a choice, maybe ask teachers if she has any natural leaning skills e.g. art, dance, stem

And I would also ask if there was a reason the lessons aren't working, music style, other kids there that she doesn't like... is there perhaps a talent show at school she could practice something on the piano for get excited again

Talk to the tutor

Would you like to be forced to do something you hated and that wasn't essential?

i made mine continue. Lots of tough love and occasional bribery. Now they can play well as older teenagers and are proud of the fact they can. Piano takes work. (Is she trying to give up because it’s hard?) They both found school easy at that age so it was good for them to have something they found hard. I don’t regret it and neither do they now.

I make mine do something so the deal is if they want to give something up (having given it a good go) then they have to do something else. I do think it’s good for them - getting out of the house, meeting others, trying new things. I help out at mock interviews at our local secondary (having interviewed grads for years at various companies) and I do also think long term those that do extra curricular (and literally anything, doesn’t need to be expensive) have far more to talk about than those who do not. My eldest has just joined her local 6th form for A level and every single student has to choose a club,

music is an odd one though as it takes a lot to get past the barrier of what can be perceived as boring practise so I’m not sure I’d plug away at this if she isn’t really into it or doesn’t show any particular aptitude but if it was out household then something would have to go in its place.

No, we have to say no to some things. We have something on for one or both kids every school night as it is, plus some early mornings plus Saturdays. DS wanted to join AFL which would have been Sunday mornings gone too. We said no.

DD got sick of swim squad so we let her finish up. She’s a capable swimmer and that’s enough. She’s on four different sports teams plus Chess so she’s still fit and active.