Do you force your kids to do extra-curriculars

Yabu. She is only 8 and has a hobby. What about swimming lessons?

Do not make your child do an extra curricular they don't want to do. It's a bad experience for everyone - the child, the teacher and if its a class all the other learners.

DS has to do swimming lessons but everything else he tries is optional and he is not forced to do anything - except for if the activity is paid for in advance then he must complete it (exception would be for bullying etc).

He has tried various activities and sports and has found his tribe, as it were, in three particular activities (plus swim lessons). He’s happy and enjoying them. If he wasn’t already doing a sport we would keep trying as I believe it’s important to be active and fit as a child.

In your case, I would encourage your DD to give it 2-3 lessons more and then reevaluate. However, I may be biased because aged 9 I was forced to start piano lessons and the interest wore off after a couple of months. Three (3!) years later and I still absolutely hated it, would not practice unless my parents literally stood over me - I hated it, didn't do the theory homework, and did not progress to even sitting the first level exam. So, forcing me to play backfired and they lost money through lessons and buying the piano. I’m now in my 50’s and still have no interest in playing the piano.

As an adult I would not appreciate anyone dictating to me so why do this to children? All I say is to persevere in trying different things to find something that sticks as I think it’s important to have an interest or two outside of school.

My Mum sent me to piano lessons, so hated it, had zero natural flair. She allowed me to quite despite telling me I’d regret the t in later life, I have zero regrets. I did however love other things like guides and martial arts and it allowed me to develop more social skills. I’m a there a compromise like this? Think about what she enjoys and shows natural ability for. It doesn’t need to be piano or nothing at all

Swimming is the only non-negotiable activity in our house.

Let her drop it. She’s hardly going to suddenly be enthused and start practicing! She’s tried it and didn’t enjoy it. Don’t waste your money.

What is it about the piano lessons that she doesn't like? I didn't like playing the music in the set books (i.e. songs I had never heard of, and would be pleased to never hear ever again). I think it would encourage more people if they could play songs that they liked (albeit, basic versions to start with). Is it the teacher, is she tired after school, etc.? Has she found that the piano isn't for her, but that there might be another instrument that she'll click with?

Personally, I wouldn't force a child to do extracurricular classes, but that's probably because I was made to do at least one, if not two, every day after school and on weekends. They weren't my choice. I wanted music lessons, but was made to do sports. I dropped them all when I got to 16.

No i don't force them. Ds wanted to learn keyboard but got fed up of it, would rather do it in his own time which is fine with apps these days. He now does boxing on a Sunday and loves it never lost interest even when he had a baby tooth knocked out accidentally! He also does swimming which hes never lost interest in.
They will thrive only if it keeps their interest.

I was forced to do music as a child. I was not naturally talented.

On one hand.. understanding music has brought me joy as an adult.
On the other hand... it was a constant reminder of how I was not as good as my brother.

There is a careful balance between encouragement and forcing. If its really making her miserable... stop. If its just she wants to watch TV but enjoys it when shes there... encourage her.

Plus make sure she has music she enjoys, not just constant repetition of exam pieces.

With music, part of the joy of it is being able to play with other people. If he has learnt how to read treble and bass clef, that is already really helpful for other instruments. Tell her she has to learn an instrument, and play her pieces of music of all kinds, so an orchestra, a jazz band, brass band, guitars etc. Then if there is one she likes give that a go. Often cities with music schools have free drop in ‘have a go’ sessions to try lots of different ones.

It's a tricky balance. On the one hand no one has to do extra curricular, and these things are supposed to be fun. However to get the most enjoyment out of something you do need to put in the hard yards, whether that's training in the cold and wet on a Tuesday evening so you can be on the team for Saturday matches, or practising between music lessons so you can master some enjoyable pieces.

One of mine has reached the standard where she plays in the National Children's Orchestra, and will still occasionally have a hissy fit about doing the absolute bare minimum of practice, needing a bit of nagging.

Piano's a funny one though - it's not very sociable. I sometimes think that seeing their mates at orchestra, going to the tuck shop and going on tour are the only things that keep mine going to music lessons. Might she prefer something more sociable?

The thing about music is that they want to be able to play but they don’t want to learn to play. Two of mine managed to push through, one didn’t. Might she prefer another instrument?

our rule was that you can finish something but you need to finish it well, ie telling us in advance and going to the remaining lessons. No just sloping off. No leaving tutors etc with a sudden vacancy to fill. If I’ve paid for a half term or whatever, we’re finishing the half term. So in your instance I would say to her that she has to go until half term and then you’ll review. I know you pay week by week but I think that’s a fair compromise for everyone involved.

I do also periodically ask them (well, DS3, the other two are in their 20s) if he’s still enjoying everything and if there’s anything he wants to review.

DD1 is almost 7 and does swimming and gymnastics outside of school. She has been told that she has to to complete a full term of the lessons, and at the end of each term she is asked if she wants to continue, knowing she will have to do it for the full term.
some days she doesn’t want to go, and will have a tantrum but that’s tough. If you’ve committed to something, you commit.

To some degree yes. If they absolutely hated it, then no. I have a teen who has great intentions signing up to things, then complains throughout the year when he doesn't feel like it. I make him go, but have a conversation with him before signing him up for a further term about whether he actually wants to do it.

No way would I force her. You are literally paying for arguments and making your child miserable. Piano is generally a solo instrument though, would an orchestral instrument be more to her liking? If it’s the practice that puts her off though, I’d give it up, she still does dance.

If I have paid, they go. If it is after a break, they go. They need to do a full term before stopping. It needs to be replaced with something else. It doesn’t need to be a club but they do need hobbies and interests that mean leaving the house and interacting with people. DC are 14 (autistic) and 12.

Sitting at home on a device is not an option.

Yes and no, our eleven year old is a natural quitter due to confidence issues.

He does piano, dance, rugby and hockey.

Hockey is his newest sport, he started skating three years ago and picked up really well, he did a summer school thing the first year and they were the ones who suggested hockey. He was really keen as he loves skating and enjoys hockey as a viewer. Anyway, most of the kids where he trained had been doing hockey training for two years already, so he was of course behind. He decided he hates hockey, didn’t want to do it anymore etc. I’d already paid for a season and hockey is not cheap, so we did our usual of “well you have to attend the rest of the sessions we’ve paid for”. Three years later he’s still playing hockey and costing us a fortune. Every hobby he has had has at some point been a battle. If we had let him quit everything the first time it became difficult, or during a boring segment he would have quit everything he has ever started.

As someone who was told to continue piano when I truly hated it, please let them stop and find something they’re interested in.
I already played another instrument far better and was in two different sports teams so had plenty going on.
I think my mum was channeling the fact she always wanted to play and didn’t get the chance by making me do it. It’s a solitary instrument and you have to have a passion for it to enjoy it.
Save your money and see if she likes gymnastics if she enjoys dance, or cheerleading?
But don’t force a child to keep doing something they don’t enjoy.
DS started to learn trumpet and although he sounded awful, after the usual encouragement for a couple of months he clearly didn’t like it. But he tried it for long enough to be certain.

So he gave it up and started football alongside his rugby and basketball and loved them all. Music wasn’t his thing and that’s ok.

I cried every night before my violin lesson for about 6 weeks. My parents told me I had to continue til the end of term. I now have 2 degrees in music and am a music teacher! The repetitive nature of practice plus the difference in the idea of what you should be able to do clashing with what you ACTUALLY have to do to get there can be tricky. There are also plateaus in learning where you are consolidating skills rather than always moving on to new pieces and that is also really hard.

I would encourage her to continue for a bit but also speak to the teacher and ask for new ways to help motivate her. This year I’m using a grid of different things they have to do (one a week as I teach in school) and when the parents have initialled each one they get a treat. Things like ‘practised on a Thursday’, ‘found a new sound’, ‘played to my parents’, ‘listened to a new piece of music and told my teacher about it’. Practice charts and stickers can work wonders. As can find easy versions of something they’d LOVE to play. I don’t always mind what my students practise as long as they are actually getting their instrument out and playing. Can you find the tune to Harry Potter or similar for her to sit and work out or ask her teacher to show her to play? Sometimes it’s just finding the right ‘hook’ for each child. The teacher will want to know your daughter is struggling and find ways round that.

If she still feels the same by say, Christmas? I would maybe let her give it up then. Not every instrument is for everybody! But try and find some ways to encourage her first!

I try to strike a balance between being led by my children’s passions and interests when it comes to hobbies but not setting a precedent that they can drop things whenever they get a bit hard/unexciting. In your case I would talk it through with your child and give them a timeline for giving it a go and then re-assessing.

do you genuinely think that your child will love piano once they are proficient or are you projecting your own desires on them? I only ask because my dad desperately wanted me to learn an instrument and I just wasn’t musical and hated it. I don’t regret quitting at all and look back on those lessons as a complete waste. But I do regret not doing dance lessons as I’d love to be a good dancer. My DDs do dance lessons and have developed a real passion for it.

DS started piano last January and also has breaks in the holidays; left up to him I doubt he’d continue, but - like swimming - for now it’s a non negotiable. I’m not bothered about him doing grades, but having some musical knowledge and ability is an amazing skill, helps their brains and gives them a hobby to return to later.

He only has to go to a half hour lesson and I encourage him to practice once a week or thereabouts (I know that’s not enough, but for now I want to keep it fun).

In your shoes I’d say to her to stick with it, but take the pressure off eg no daily practice. If she’s still moaning by January maybe say she has to choose another extra curricular instead.

Like you, I didn’t stick at anything as a child and really regret it now.

Edited to add, DS did a year of Spanish once a week at school during lunch time (his request) but disliked it so I said he could drop it after an academic year - but I won’t let him do that with piano and he knows I want him to try out a sport (in addition to swimming and going to Beavers).

I’d only ever make mine learn to swim confidently. Anything else totally their decision. We do lots of active things as a family so they have plenty of exercise

My partner is a pianist and flautist who had a career as a primary teacher and also taught piano privately. I asked her about this thread and she asked first of all "Is the child doing the regular, essential practice at home between lessons? because if she isn't, she won't make enough progress and will not enjoy the lessons."

She then said she wouldn't advise parents to force a child if they persisted in saying they didn't like it.

Mine gave up piano as they refused to practice and found it boring. I wish they’d continued but they didn’t enjoy it.

However they also had swimming lessons for years (which wasn’t a choice), they do martial arts, scouts and football. All of which they want to do. I’ve never forced them to do an activity they hate.

I would give it a bit of time and see if she settles from summer, if not then find something else. Does she do brownies or cubs or just dance?

Definitely not, I’d maybe give her the option of trying a different instrument or a completely different activity instead. I don’t agree that it’s a gift if they don’t enjoy it, I was forced to do music until grade 8 and had no interest in it then and no interest now.