AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

I used to have a friend who used to keep me waiting for half an hour or an hour. When she told me her time was precious so she couldn't always leave the house on time I stopped making arrangements with her because my time was precious too.

What I didn't do was rage and shout at her and her children in the car. That is indefensible. We didn't completely stop being friends either just saw less of each other.

This isn't how friends behave. Why would you want spend any time in her company? As for exposing your children to such a deeply unpleasant person, words fail me.

She sounds unhinged and needs to remedy that through therapy or medication.

you'll see her again once she has done therapy for her rage and has the ability to behave proportionally to things that annoy her. One brief apology should have been enough for 6 minutes lateness.

Id be telling the kids what ive said so they can understand about boundary setting and you role model how not to be a walk over.

She should speak to someone about her anger issues, but honestly I think you might also need to speak to someone about your own boundaries (I really do mean that kindly!) It really isn’t normal to accept behind spoken to like this by a ‘friend’. It sounds like you don’t have many other sources of support (does she give you lifts a lot?), but this is not a friendship OP, it’s toxic. I would absolutely not be seeing this woman again. You can let her know ‘you crossed a line today, and I think you need some professional support to help with your anger. I will not have that kind of behaviour around my children again, and think it’s best we part ways. I do wish you all the best in seeking help.’ And look for some new friends yourself.

She sounds like a lunatic. I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to someone who appears unhinged and volatile, and I’d have no desire to continue a friendship with her myself.

I know it’s too late now but you should have got your kids to jump out at the petrol station and got a taxi home. That must have been horrible for them. You cannot continue to be friends with an abusive person. If you do then you’re teaching the children it’s okay to allow a friend or future partner to speak to you in an abusive way.

Do not be friends with her anymore.if she has a problem she needs to recognise it and try to identify why she’s like it, e.g hormonal or learned behaviour, it’s down to her to work on it and improve herself. At the moment she still has the rage and will always be unpredictable and unsafe to be around.

I could forgive the outburst, eventually, if I truly cared about her, but I would never forgive being forced to stay in the car. No way.

By all means forgive her, but do not continue to spend time with her or subject your kids to her.

She was abusive and has admitted she has anger issues. Keep yourself and your kids far far away.

What is your history with relationships and your parents that you are considering keeping a friend like this in your life?

Jesus Christ op, cut her off immediately and raise your bar for friendships and people who are around your kids.

Initially, when I read you’d kept her waiting, I was slightly annoyed. I’m sure you wouldn’t expect a taxi to wait 6 or 7 minutes. You should all have been ready five minutes before she was due.

However, her rant is totally unacceptable and unreasonable. You are setting a bad example to your children if you show them that’s how adults behave.

If you truly value the friendship then I’d try speaking to her once more to make clear her behaviour is unusual.

If she doesn’t see the error of her ways, then it’s time to say goodbye.

A friendship where you pay for everything and get treated like dirt?

What are you thinking OP?

Nah, fuck that.

Shouting at me? I could probably move on from.

Shouting at my kids? Absolutely fucking not.

No teach your children that is not acceptable behaviour. Making friends may not be easy but this friendship sounds as if it’s about her needs. Speaking to you like that in front of your dc is awful.

The one thing here in this woman's favour is that she knows she has an anger problem and that she needs to keep away from you and your children. She is absolutely right. She needs to sit with the consequences of her rage and then seek help to manage it. If you 'let it go' you will minimise it and delay that and it will keep happening.
I know it's hard when a person feels like all you've got. But the longer you stay in a toxic malfunctioning friendship the more it chips away at your ability to have healthy ones. Because this sort of treatment, bullying, intimidation and abuse, never knowing whether it will go well, walking on egg shells, it can ruin you over time and make you scared of people altogether, and that takes a lot for you to get back from.

I wouldn't be friends with a person like this. At the very least she has anger issues that she needs to work on and resolve. It shouldn't take a week for her to realise her actions were wrong either

Does SHE have other friends, if she carries on like this?

Flashback to my abusive ex, who used to announce what he "didn't like" as if it were everyone else's job to arrange their lives around it, and go into rages about it, and just repeat "you KNOW I don't like x" if anyone objected. Any attempt to point out that we all have to cope with things we don't like sometimes without becoming abusive was like talking to a wall; his conviction that everyone else just needed to cater to his wants at all times was absolutely genuine. Still blames me, I hear - if I'd just done what he said at all times, we'd have been fine. No, he can't keep a job.

she Crossed lines so no, don’t forgive her. Plus your kids need to know that no one should be treated that way. Unacceptable.

You can forgive her, but also explain that you will not be putting your children in a position where her anger will affect them again. Also explain this to your children- they need to know you are protecting them.

Block her and move on. You dont want this type of abusive person near your children.

She put your children in danger with her rage in the car, punching things as she drove and shouting and refusing to let you out.
I wouldn't have continued that journey once she stopped the car. Id have got my children out and called an uber.

Yeah - asked for her to pull over to let them out the car, refused, then she stops at a petrol station and didn’t say ok this is where we say bye?!? I never understand all these people on Mumsnet who claim to be in too much shock to think of a basic thing like this.

My closest friend doesn't drive and keeps me waiting outside her house for far longer than this all the time. I have never once done anything vaguely like this. Its not normal and it's not okay, even if you kept her waiting all day

I would have got the kids out at the petrol station and called a taxi

Yes let her go.

Who needs friends like that.

Your life will be much better without her.

Forgive her if you like, but never let her around you or your kids again