AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

Why would she have done that? The last thing that would have occurred to her would be driving off with the partial source of irritation still in the car!

Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children.

This gave you your out, you could have agreed, ended the call and blocked her. What did you say in response? I don't actually think she means it BTW, she wants you to say everything is OK. Also, if she's alright in public and with most other people, don't you think she's treating you as her own personal Aunt Sally and cashpoint because she knows you'll let her?

Fuck that, cut her right off

OP - while you are digesting all these replies, let me point out something that is very important.

What your so-called friend did has a name - it is called unlawful detention and it can be a crime or a punishable action (ie you can claim damages) depending upon who did the detaining and why.

In your shoes, I could not forgive. What right does she have to effectively kidnap you?

Yes, waiting is annoying but it's not like you kept her waiting for half an hour, it was no more than 5-6 minutes.

Your friend verbally abused you, in front of your children, and was so rage ridden, that she hit her car door/sterling wheel. She demanded you full the car up with fuel at the petrol station and then continued to make snide comments throughout the day.

This person is not your friend. With someone like this in your life, you certainly don't need any enemies, do you? She's a vile human being, who has a nasty and aggressive temper.

From your post, this isn't the first time she's spoken to you like this either. Has she spoken to you so badly in front of your children before now? The fact she shouted, swore and ranted at you in front of your children, should be enough for you to walk away from the friendship. If you continue with this friendship, you are teaching your children that her behaviour is not only acceptable but normal.

I would reply back 'I agree. I don't wish to be friends with someone who thinks it's acceptable to swear, shout and rant at me and my children. It's vile behaviour that I won't be accepting any longer'. I would then block this woman.

You shouldn’t have left the kids in the car with her at the garage, she sounds fucking horrible, they must have been terrified, what if she was still raging and drove off with them to teach you a lesson?

Simple. Just don't contact this weirdo again and don't respond if she contacts you. What a terrible person.

Your want to forgive is slightly beside the point - she has told you she doesn’t need or want to change and that she thinks she should stay clear of you all. She’s removed herself from your life.

My dad is like your friend - worse even - and has lost every friend, acquaintance and job he’s ever had because of it and still will not change at almost 80.
Listen to what she’s telling you. This is how she wants to live her life and you forgiving her will make zero difference. She might even resent you more for it

So?

It’s been a dysfunctional mess for ages from what you say so realise it’s over, don’t see her again and I hope you’ve had a chat with your DC about how unacceptable her behaviour has been and how you were wrong to expose them to it.

This! She sounds unhinged. Block her and don’t look back.

Ah hell no!!! Show your children that this behaviour is unacceptable & never see her again. She’s got you right where she wants you, she can treat you however she likes & you still pay for her days out!
I can understand it’s hard to lose a friend, I’ve had similar, not an abusive friend but someone I’ve had to step back a bit from after nearly 40 years of friendship because of her behaviour, but this woman is no friend to you.

Abusive people always have an excuse, they blame a bad childhood or a bad experience with a friend in the past but a sob story to explain away abusive behaviour is their way to make you overlook their behaviour and feel sorry for them. Raging at you and your children, refusing to let you out of the car whilst making you pay for petrol and her ticket cannot be excused, she is using you has form for losing friends because she treats them like shit.

She's not worth holding on to because she's not a true friend. Her behaviour is awful and not at all normal. No friend treats another friend like that. It's appalling that she behaved like that in front of the children, just horrific. What message are you giving them by remaining friends with someone as abusive as she is? You deserve so much more in a friendship. I would absolutely let her go. Yes she may have reasons for her behaviour but that is not yout concern nor your responsibility. Don't be friends with someone as abusive as this simply so you have a "friend". Make new friends through clubs, volunteering etc etc. Good luck OP x

I voted the wrong way and cant change it. I don't understand why you carried on with the day after the petrol station, I would have got the kids out then and personally threatened her with the police if she didn't let you all out. She sounds unhinged, having no friends has to be better than this.

It's time to let her go. Her behaviour is unacceptable and your kids shouldn't be subjected to that.

You do not need people like this around your kids. No friends is better than abusive friends.

Personally I’d be stepping waaaaay back from this friendship. She’s got a problem, knows it, and refuses to do anything about it. Maybe see her alone occasionally if you must - I wouldn’t - but don’t subject your kids to her shit.

She sounds like a fruit loop and she behaved appallingly, so I'd bin her off.

However, your not being even nearly ready to leave at the agreed time is really rude and would have pissed me right off.

Your friend sounds unhinged. Please avoid her going forward, you would be unreasonable to risk putting yourself and the kids at risk of her angry outbursts even one more time. That would be a firm block and delete if a friend did that to me and mine even one time. Absolute psychotic behaviour from her. Your poor kids enduring that.

Maybe she has PDA and is just good at masking in public.

I don't know where the OP lives but city dwellers on MN seem unable to envisage a situation where taxis are not easily available.

If you still care for the friendship, let her know that the second she loses her cool, you will step away, end of.

In this instance, it would have been as soon as she started raising her voice when you got in the car. That might make her think.

I did politely suggest to her that she seek help, because her rage is getting worse. She outright refused, and told me that she doesn't need help and that she'll never change! She doesn't see the problem. She thinks her rages are justified.

Then you can't risk this happening again.

How are your children now? How do they feel and would they still want her in their lives?

I cannot believe you have allowed her to treat you like this. You pay petrol, entrance fees, just because she drives you? You tolerate her screaming at you and abusing you repeatedly? What the hell! You are demonstrating an awful doormat behaviour to your dc. Do you want them abused in future relationships? Because that’s what it is, abuse. She’s horrible, no way would I have her in my child’s life.