AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

And don’t you dare forgive her!

”I feel our friendship has run its course. I’m not going to allow someone treat me like you did, worse in front of my kids. I pay for everything and you demand more and more. On top of this you wait 7minutes cos my kids are disorganised and think that entitled you to scream and shout at us? No. No more, we’re done”

You are unreasonable for sitting in the car for so long just taking it. Who the hell does she think she is?

And you telling her to go fuck herself is completely justified then!

@PretzelPretzel interesting name choice actually, cos this is exactly the shape you’re contorting yourself into, to be friends with a total tosser!

read your op again and again. Think what YOU would say if a stranger told you this was happening to them.

you’re going to say exactly what all of us are saying to you.

she only wants you to go out because you’re the mug that bank rolls it all. You told her to pull over and she refused. She effectively held you hostage. With your kids and you spent an awkward day with her and paid for the fucking privilege!

wow! Seriously love, wake up and smell the roses here!

I really love the sound of you btw, you sound kind and generous and a good friend to have. So please take this with the love with which I mean it?

the myself and my kids thing. Just no. There’s an epidemic of this and it’s beyond irritating. It’s Me and my kids, OR My kids and I.

me and my kids were going …
my kids were going..
I was going

its never myself is going or myself and the kids are going.

For some reason society seems to have taken against the words Me or You, choosing Myself or Yourself thinking it’s more polite. It’s not.

i hate the way everyone sounds like an illiterate estate agent these days.

my (softly spoken, no raised voices here) rant over

NEVER LET THIS DREADFUL WOMAN WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME

Shes taking up the space in your life where a decent friend would be.

Having lived somewhere even more rural than Somerset, the idea you can just summons a taxi at will is laughable.

We're all different with different levels of tolerance, so you'll do what you feel is best for you, but I wouldn't tolerate anyone speaking to me like that. Lack of friends or not, this person isn't a nice friend. She's abusive and has a big problem. Don't stay friends just because they seem thin on the ground at the moment. She needs to stop making excuses and dismissing her terrible behaviour, and get help. You can do better OP x

In my experience older people are ready at the door with their handbag in their hand.

Try rural North Yorkshire or Cumbria. You might get one but it could take a long time to come.

In her place I would have been mildly irritated that you were late but her reaction was completely out of proportion. Given her previous actions too I wouldn’t be friends with her and especially wouldn’t expose my children to her behaviour.

Honestly? A friend is someone you have a nice time with and who, once you’ve seen them, makes you feel better about yourself and the world. This isn’t that person.

From your updates this person needs you so much more than you need her. I wonder a bit if you’ve lost sense of how damned peculiar she is.

I have to admit that my first reaction was, why didn’t you make sure your kids were ready?

Her reaction was certainly OTT, but it’s a PITA to have promised to pick someone up at a specific time, and find that they’re not ready. TBH I’ve usually found that it’s old people, who just need to have a wee, change their shoes, find their bag or coat, where are their keys….etc. etc.

I wouldn't let it go and I wouldn't continue the friendship.
You also can't forgive her on behalf of your children, only yourself. I wouldn't be putting my children in the firing line ever again.

Until she learns to control her temper, i'd steer well clear meaning dropping her to an acquaintance' status in your circle, not a friend..
It was totally unacceptable to get so enraged about a 6 or 7 minute wait , and then subject your children to a torrent of abuse AFTER you had already apologised, and let her mood ruin the whole day for you all.

She is clearly has anger management issues.

@PretzelPretzel I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. What happened in that car wasn’t normal irritation, it was a full rage episode, and your children were trapped in a moving vehicle with someone who was shouting, swearing, and hitting the steering wheel. That’s not safe, and it’s not something you can shrug off with an apology.

Six minutes of waiting does not justify 25 minutes of ranting, shouting, F‑bombs, banging on the car door, refusing to let you out, demanding petrol money, and then sulking all day. That’s not “being a bit stressed,” that’s someone who cannot regulate their emotions.

You’ve said she has form for this. That’s the key point. This isn’t a one‑off. She herself admitted her rage “always takes over.” That’s not something you can manage for her, and it’s not something your children should be exposed to.

Forgiving her in your own mind is fine, that’s about you. But letting her back into your life is a different question entirely. Unless she gets proper help for her anger, nothing will change, and your children’s emotional safety has to come first. She is telling you "No" to the help as she does not want to change and does not feel she needs to , nor does she realise how bad it is and until people that are close to her start setting boundaries, she will have no reason to.

Friends are hard to come by, but a friend who scares your children, traps you in a car during a meltdown, and rages over trivial things is not actually giving you friendship. She’s giving you stress and unpredictability. You are also telling your kids that this behaviour is acceptable and it is not.

And as her friend, some times you need to set hard boundaries for their sake because someday she is going to end up in big trouble over her rages so she needs help now, or keep her at arms length,

If she ever gets anger‑management support and shows real, sustained change, you can reassess. But until then, stepping back isn’t unkind - it’s sensible.

"Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently"

This is the saddest sentence in your post. If you do maintain the "friendship" (is that what it is?) keep children out of it. But better to find some other friends, for your own sake - join local groups?

i think your friend clearly has issues and her reaction to a minor inconvenience was completely OTT.
If she has genuinely apologised and has insight into her issues and does something to address it i probably would forgive her with the proviso that if it happens again,particularly around children, thats a deal breaker.
i can see how if you give someone a lift and they don't respect your time and aren't ready at the agreed time faffing about with lost socks ect,it would be disrespectful and annoying. But ,her response was extreme.
Bottom line is wether you forgive her is up to you,does she have any redeeming qualities apart from this meltdown?

There is no way I’d have continued with the day. If I wasn’t comfortable getting my children out of the car at the petrol station, I’d have been telling her very clearly that we aren’t spending the day together and you’ll make your own way home.
Paying for petrol when someone else is driving is very kind, but surely it should be a contribution to the cost not the full cost, and no way would I pay for her tickets!

She sounds toxic and a cheeky fucker, I’m not entirely sure what you’re getting out of a friendship with someone like this. If you don’t feel you can end your friendship for yourself, do it for your children. No way I’d want someone like that around my family.

Steer clear. Keep your kids away from her.

I absolutely hate when people leave me waiting if l am collecting them as it's rude and thoughtless but her reaction is bonkers.
I had this situation with a school mom where sometimes l collected her kid from school. She asked my dh at drop off that morning to tell me her dd needed collecting that day but he completely forgot to tell me and he was never in on any conversations about it.
When l failed to collect her child she absolutely ranted and raved at me for at least 10 minutes. It was crazy. Really shouting. There was no danger to her child at any time . I quietly told her the arrangement was over and never spoke to her again. She was shocked saying what's wrong with you etc. I said l am not used to being spoken to in that manner. She seemed surprised.

I think you're right to let her go, she clearly has issues going on. I wouldn't want a friend as explosive as that.
That being said, if someone is collecting me I make sure everything/one is ready to go so there's no waiting. To me that's polite.

Also, I think asking most people when they are already raging 'how much longer they are going to go on about it' is utter foolishness.

I'm struggling with the fact that you put your children through that for the day - If she refused to pull over I would have got them out of the car when she stopped at the garage abnd made my own way home
I wouldn't forgive her - it wasn't a quick outburst - it was violent and persistent

There’s no way I’d be putting up with this if it’s a regular occurrence like you say? If it was a one off, I’d probably forgive her if she grovelled, everyone’s allowed a bad day. But I’d make her apologise to my kids too. The thing I’d be most concerned about is the terrible example I’m setting for them - that it’s ok to let people disrespect you and treat you this badly. Not an excuse, but something possibly worth exploring with your friend - is if she’s going through the peri or menopause. If she wasn’t like this before and it’s a recent thing, it could be menopause symptoms, of which rage is a very common one. Doesn’t mean she’s allowed to treat you like shit, but if she’s a good long-term friend with little other support, she might need a bit of support from a friend. She’d need to be 100% committed to never speaking to me & my kids like that again, and she’d have to apologise to the kids. If she ever did it again she’d be gone

You do not stay friends with someone who yells, swears and gets aggressive with you and your kids, no.

How horrible for your kids to witness this. They'll start to dread trips with her.
She sounds like a real nasty bully.
You don't deserve this OP and neither do your kids or your bank balance

Except they quoted me, who lives in rural Somerset where taxis are essential for non drivers because the bus service is shit and only on main roads. So your assumptions of readers being city dwellers makes no sense to me.

Just no . Write this all down somewhere private and I expect more things will come to mind that shes done. Or keep looking at this thread .
I think she is manipulative, controlling and a user . Financially but mainly you are her scapegoat for emotion regulation . Ignore what her public image is ie her colleagues.

Even this discard if you now , after a week of you stepping back . I think it's a test and manipulation, so that you sweep under the carpet her disgraceful behaviour ( which will then become the norm ) and she wants you to beg her for forgiveness .