AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

? ‘So’ what?

Good grief get a backbone and don't let this woman hear your DC again

I can’t believe you continued with the day out after how she behaved.

As someone whose parents had extreme anger issues (which have contributed to a diagnosis of CPTSD), your kids will have been terrified. And you not standing up to her and insisting that you and they would go home will have made things worse for them. What they’ve learned from this is that they can’t trust you to protect them.

At a minimum, you need to remove this “friend” from any kind of contact with your kids and go low contact with her yourself. I’d want to see clear signs of responsibility on her part - seeing a therapist regularly, for one.

You cannot risk exposing your children to this again. Or yourself.

paid for her ticket to enter the destination. I've always paid for her on days out, even though she has a well paid job. She's never questioned it, and never offered to pay her way. I assumed that it was because she's the driver. I always pay for the petrol for her too, out of courtesy

Ok read this again. I have no idea why you have always paid for her before that's mad!! Just why would you do this!!!

She is dangerous.

Yep. Her behaviour in the car was unforgivable. Tell her this and then stop all contact.

Yep, that would be the line crossed for me. Not sure if it’s a criminal offence in the UK but regardless, it’s totally unacceptable behaviour.

Not in the UK and not overly familiar with the ins and outs of UK law, but I’m pretty sure that refusing to let you and your children out of the car constitutes either kidnapping or false imprisonment. It would meet the legal elements for kidnapping in the US. Someone I used to know when we were kids went on
to be convicted of kidnapping for not letting people out of his car and continuing to drive.

If you stay friends with this woman, you’ll be teaching your children that it’s okay for her to treat you all this way.

OP this is abusive behaviour. It’s good that she called to apologise, but I think her suggestion of letting the friendship go is a sensible one - at least until she gets some help with anger management. I would have had severe reservations at continuing the friendship the minute she refused to stop the car and let you out when you asked her to. That’s totally unacceptable.

She bullied you, belittled you, frightened your children and could have killed you screaming and banging in the car.

Like youre right you werent ready and it was irritating, and an im sorry should have sufficed.

And SHE KNOWS shes like this. And wants does nothing about it. Happy to keep going being aggressive and offencive.

And im reasonably confident the oh no let's not be friends im just such a victim of my own rage schpiel is just an act so youll say there there there..

Honestly, let it go. Dont put your kids in this kinda intimating potentially dangerous situation again

Better to have no friends at all than someone like her. Absolutely no excuse for her outbursts

What a nasty individual she is 😮

You don’t need “friends” like this. Run like the fucking wind, she sounds utterly unhinged

She literally can't help herself. My ex-DH was like this. You'll have a much nicer life without her in it. It's a shame, but what can you do when someone behaves like a rabid dog?

No that behaviour is not normal at all. The friendship sounds very one sided. You pay for everything and she drives? Paying a contribution to petrol would be enough. If she wants to go on these trips she should be paying for herself.
The behaviour is extremely damaging to witness as children as they grow up and then think it’s normal to act like that. The rage sounds uncontrollable and it’s seems to be going on and on. She doesn’t just loose it for a minute she continues the diatribe and it’s sounds like it’s always someone else’s fault.
You can forgive her, but I would not be seeing her again if it were me until she addresses her anger issues. If she is able to control herself in public and at work, why is she loosing it and verbally abusing you?
you need to let her know it’s unacceptable.

She sounds overwhelmed with daily life but that is her problem and her issue to resolve not yours you have enough on your plate looking after your children and frankly you don’t need or deserve a so called friend like this.
Please be kind to yourself and your children and distance yourself from this abusive person.

You have a duty to your kids not to put them in this position ever again. This woman is not a friend, friends don’t do this.

cut this one off.

I'm a firm believer that people like this only learn to change if those around them stop enabling their bad behaviour. Consequences and losing relationships are powerful motivators for change.

And as PP have said this was awful for your poor children and if you let it go, what message will that send them?

I wouldn't want anyone as unhinged as this around my children.
Maybe if this was an isolated incident, but you said she has form for similar behaviour. Put the kids first and ditch her, stat.

Absolutely not. I'm all for acting with kindness and trying to see both sides but that kind of temper tantrum whilst driving a car with passengers is so irresponsible and dangerous.
If it had been my children in the car and she'd refused to pull over, we would have been getting out at the petrol station and calling a taxi to take us home - never mind paying for her petrol and continuing on the journey! Honestly, OP, what were you thinking?
She recognises that her behaviour is unhealthy and you should too. Let her go.

Oh dear - the OP went from bad to worse and not being able to leave the car when you asked with your children in the back. Terrible.

the friendship should be over or at least, not a friendship maintained with the kids present. Do not normalise abusive behaviour.

Wow she sounds unhinged. Don’t take a lift from her again.
You definitely did not deserve such a lashing.
I understand her frustration but not her reaction to it. If you know someone is picking you up be ready in the garden 5 minutes before when you have children, it’s not the time to start putting on socks as they’ve arrived.

my friend is always late i think shes got some sort of add but i never rant at her never scream just get on with it-there was no need for the way she reacted to you being a few minugtes late

You shouldn't put up with that and neither should your children.
You are basically giving her permission to continue speaking to you all like rubbish.
Yes, she clearly has issues but that's no excuse for her continuous shouting and swearing at you and your children.
I'd refuse to have anything to do with her until she has sought the help that she needs.

She was completely disregulated driving a car with your children in it and refused to let you out. That’s child endangerment and false imprisonment not a temper tantrum. Future contact would be a hard no from me, even before we get into the horrible language and abusive behaviour she displayed to you and the children, who must have been really scared.

If you stay friends with this woman think about the message that is sending your children. Would you want them to be friends with a person like this?

I can’t believe you paid her petrol and continued with the day. In your shoes I would have DEMANDED she pull over or I’d be calling the police.