AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

Let her go. She's unhinged, and not letting you out of the car when you asked her to stop is unlawful, not to mention horrible treatment. What she did was extremely disproportionate to the irritation of having to wait.

I don't know why you weren't all ready to go though. I'd have been annoyed that nobody had checked their socks or their trousers well before the expected arrival time. I wouldn't have behaved like your ex friend though.

She’s not your friend. Find someone who is kind to you x

That’s strange that you seem to have read that her children are never ready when in fact she says the opposite?

“This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). “

I’ve read the OP again and I still can’t see where it says that she’s continually late. Ah well.

I'd forgive and let her go, both.

Wow 😲 I think you're best off without her. LTW. leave the weirdo

Oh I’m really torn here. Of course your friend’s actions were absolutely inexcusable; however, she is clearly REALLY struggling to manage her emotions.

I think I’d lean towards a bit of an intervention??

Reread the original post where she does admit that her children are never ready to leave and i doubt her friend would have insisted on them being ready to go unless it was a continued pattern of behaviour. Being continually late is treating others with contempt as you think it is ok to waste other people's time.

I cannot believe what I have read.
Unbelievable that you would expose your poor children to such a mad woman.
MN really is a parallel universe.

I wouldn’t see her again. She’s volatile and unsafe. She wouldn’t let you or your children out of the car and that’s unacceptable.

Equally your children are teenagers not 4. They need to be ready ahead of time meaning socks and shoes on. Seems they’ve learnt that now though.

Two separate issues here. Your friend does have anger issues and I wouldn’t remain friends with anyone that directed that anger towards me. They need help with that but it’s not your responsibility.

I would have been very annoyed that you made me wait though. It’s only polite (IMO so no need for anyone to tell me otherwise) to be ready when someone is picking you up. I would have been quite upset with my children if they had only started looking for socks as we were due to leave. I don’t know if it’s the case but perhaps you have kept her waiting a few times? Even 5 minutes is annoying I think. When I used to pick my teenagers up 6-7 minutes felt like a bloody age, do you stop the engine etc, it’s all just annoying lol. It can be annoying to be the person that puts themselves out to be on time and rushes, perhaps neglecting to hand your washing out because you didn’t have time etc only to then have the other person keep you waiting. In your head you’re thinking ‘I could have hung the bloody washing out!’ With regards to fuel if she is driving then I imagine you should be contributing anyway, it’s more expensive than you realise (especially if your engine is idling outside someone’s house 😂)

If you don’t know where your clean socks are and can have them to hand within 2 minutes I would suggest they need a good sort of their room.

🎯

Let her go, she's a fucking nutcase.

You’ve been lucky, then!
The worst was an old friend of dh, who I swear just enjoyed keeping everybody waiting for 10 or 15 minutes while he faffed around, finding his shoes, etc. when we had a lunch at the pub booked. Funnily enough he never remembered to bring his wallet!! It was always good old dh paying yet again…
And no, there was certainly no dementia!

You need to step back from this woman, she is dangerous. In the car - "her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel" - she was not fully in control of the car, never mind herself. She could not possibly have been concentrating on the road. She could have crashed and killed you all.

I think your long association with this woman has desensitised you to just how bad she is. Frankly, you're minimising her behaviour.

So yes, you would be unreasonable to forgive her, and totally unreasonable to expose your children to her behaviour again. Do not teach your children to accept being treated like this.

Ditch her. Tell her that her rages are NEVER justified and she needs to get help, and you don't want her around you or your children ever again. Accept no apology, she won't mean it. Remember - "She doesn't see the problem", so she's never going to change.

This sounds like a dv relationship. She knows she has lost friends over this and youre ok putting yourself and your kids through this. Why? You'd rather deal with abuse than your own company?

@PretzelPretzel if your friend is refusing to change and think there’s nothing wrong with her behaviour, then I would drop her. If you can tolerate these rages, then fine - very much up to you. I wouldn’t let my kids be subject to them, though.

Some
friend she is. Keep well away.

?? Does that give the friend the opportunity to behave like a dangerous lunatic because she has an advantage? It’s a good life lesson, anyone who treats you like crap when you feel dependent is a power hungry cunt.
It would be cheaper and more convenient to take the bus.

If she asks, I would tell her that your DD has tried talking to him about his behaviour and he has refused to listen. Your DD finds being pushed and tripped repeatedly unacceptable and doesn’t want to be around him when his behaviour escalates further.

Let me guess…you cant drive

im right arent i!

OP has paid for everything before she said...

YANBU if you forgive her, no.

But I would need a good long time before I could forget it. At least a year.

I would be worried that her behaviour had been so bad that I had been shocked into inaction by her rage and consequently, allowed her to continue to abuse me and my children all day. You were in danger in a car with her driving in such a rage.
It’s happened before. It will happen again OP.
And you can’t trust her at all, that it won’t happen again even when she makes promises. Unless there’s some kind of intervention.

So you have to trust yourself not to allow her into your presence until she can assure you she has sought help, put in strategies to help herself and been successful in calming her uncontrollable rages.

Immerse yourself in new and different groups of people. And forget about her for now. Don’t make plans but let her know you are busy.

Demonstrate to your DC that her behaviour was in no way acceptable and you won’t risk it happening again.

She is no friend.

True friends do not behave like this, the woman is deranged, unhinged and a nasty piece of work and then on top of that, she completely ruined the day out.

If you feel up to it, tell her how you feel and that her actions are shameful, and no way should she be tearing into you and your DC and tell her the friendship is over.

It is an emotional assault, this is why you were so shocked you paid for the fuel.

If you were to have a day out with her again, you may be on edge, just in case she goes ballistic again, it is just not worth it, and not fair on your kids and with friends like her, who needs enemies?

She is useless, stop contact.

She was taking you and your children for a day out. How many times has she driven you around? How many times have you left her waiting? Have you paid for fuel before?