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Original poster

Breaking it off with someone

24 replies

Romancingthestone · 13/09/2026 01:24

Are they entitled to a reason? is it worth trying to educate someone.

I’m seeing this quite shallow person who at 49 calls men and women girls and boys, who keeps leading me on sexually. We’ve been on a break away from home for much of the week (before what was a 3 week trial which I’m not sure now I could cope with) and they’ve kept waking me half asleep at times with sexual urges through the night.

Tonight is the final straw as they tell me sex isn’t everything but at 49 they fail to make their bed, cook, clean up after themselves. Put their clothes away when asked. When tackled they are ‘just learning, maybe could accept from someone who lost Mum aged 10 but not 20.
I’m allowed nowhere near their home to see what a slob they’ve lived like under the guise the home is my fathers safe space but he is ok to come into my flat when needing a pee.

They decide to play act sex knowing their penis is like to the side of me, and within minutes later they are heard loudly masturbating yet, when I quiz them about what their statement means about there being more to sex they are unable to say getting their words mixed up.

There seems nothing to protect anyone moving someone in to their own home (other then Clare’s law) but I’m sure he isn’t violent, more what he say’s and how he goes about it.

OP posts:
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Fatiguedwithlife · 13/09/2026 22:07

He sounds disgusting and not a nice Person. Leave and don’t look back

Original poster
Romancingthestone · 13/09/2026 22:02

So sorry to talk about intimate things on here, I was just in a state early morning miles from home.

I am really grateful and accept it is now or never to get out xx

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · 13/09/2026 21:51

Sorry @Romancingthestone but he sounds horrific. I appreciate maybe you'd like a relationship, but there seem to be no positive attributes to him at all.

If you let him move in, you're going to massively regret it. He sounds horrific.

SerendipityCat · 13/09/2026 21:45

He's a wanker, literally and figuratively. Into the bin with him, you can do far, far better. I'm sorry your first relationship has been with such a dud.

JaneFoe · 13/09/2026 21:39

Will be do much easier for you to never see him again if you live a long journey away @Romancingthestone. He sounds disgusting. You will be better off with him completely out of your life.

sesquipedalian · 13/09/2026 21:30

OP, just tell him this isn’t working for you, and move on, block and delete. Don’t make it into a big deal, and don’t drag it out. Clearly, this is not the man for you.

Original poster
Romancingthestone · 13/09/2026 21:20

Thank you.

I’m 44 and he is 49. We are in first relationships well for me.

I resorted to the spare room after my initial post in early hours and think I shouldn’t bring it up before driving a long journey tomorrow, just get us home.

My autistic friends say I should accept it is perfectly ok for him to strip to his birthday suit and that being unkempt (he had said he was making more effort to look after himself) may resemble not wanting intimate relations.

OP posts:
ExplodingSmittens · 13/09/2026 08:14

crazymommaclub · 13/09/2026 07:44

I’m guessing you’re both quite young. Just sit him down and say unfortunately the relationship isn’t working for you and you want to end it.

In maturity perhaps but they mention the other person being 49.

eleventybillionpillsisntenough · 13/09/2026 08:03

Why are weirdly hiding if man or woman

SALaw · 13/09/2026 07:47

crazymommaclub · 13/09/2026 07:44

I’m guessing you’re both quite young. Just sit him down and say unfortunately the relationship isn’t working for you and you want to end it.

Other than the 49 year old partner?

Shatandfattered · 13/09/2026 07:46

crazymommaclub · 13/09/2026 07:44

I’m guessing you’re both quite young. Just sit him down and say unfortunately the relationship isn’t working for you and you want to end it.

The post says he’s 49

crazymommaclub · 13/09/2026 07:44

I’m guessing you’re both quite young. Just sit him down and say unfortunately the relationship isn’t working for you and you want to end it.

RampantIvy · 13/09/2026 07:28

Some of what you have said doesn't make sense. However, the overall impression I get is that he is immature and unlikeable.

Just tell him it isn't working then block.

daisychain01 · 13/09/2026 07:23

Why are you wasting your time with this idiot?

ExplodingSmittens · 13/09/2026 07:08

I don’t understand why you would feel the need to educate them. They will be aware that the relationship isn’t working and why.

As others have said, send a text saying this relationship isn’t what you’re looking for and wish them well then block them on everything.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 13/09/2026 06:40

Did you use they pronouns to try to conceal his sex? Because if so the penis is a bit of a giveaway. It sounds like you're putting up with a lot of shit from him for no explicable reason. You don't owe him an explanation if you break it off.

whippersnapper55 · 13/09/2026 06:29

Don't allow him to move in! You don't have to give a reason for breaking up with him, just say something vague such as 'I don't want to continue the relationship as it's not working for me and we're not well suited' and leave it at that. If he continues to message or call, trying to persuade you otherwise, block his number.

JaneFoe · 13/09/2026 06:19

He doesn't live with you. Tell him it's over, block him and not give him another thought.

Credittocress · 13/09/2026 06:18

Why would you want to educate him? Just tell him it’s not working and leave it at that

iamnotalemon · 13/09/2026 06:12

To be honest, some people won’t change and if he’s that type, he will try and persuade you / gaslight you / or not take anything on board anyway. How long have you been together? You can break up with someone for any reason you like and don’t have to give a reason, but it depends on the individual really.

Millytante · 13/09/2026 03:10

One thing which should protect us when moving someone in to live with us is heeding the urgent warnings our brain is sending us about the futility and undesirability of the relationship.
But far too often, majors concerns we have about a bloke are completely ignored, and in he comes. Cue misery.
I don’t know what advisory body could prevent this kind of folly, given how widely known the risks are.

PressTheSwitch · 13/09/2026 01:34

@Romancingthestone tell him what you’ve said here, and that it’s completely put you off him.

shropshire11 · 13/09/2026 01:30

This relationship doesn’t sound like it has a future. Some of these behaviours are quite disgusting.

Walk away. Be firm, but try to do it with kindness. That could be saying where they need to change. Or if you can’t face that, wish them well and try to part as friends.

BibbityBoppityTwo · 13/09/2026 01:29

There are a few paragraphs here that I don’t quite understand, but on the whole it sounds like you’re dealing with a man baby. I wouldn’t bother with a reason, he will just use it to try to argue his way back into your life by promising change.

As for educating, do you really want to be educating a 49-year-old man? I don’t. In anything.

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