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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not take baby to visit inlaws?

47 replies

Clover96 · 12/09/2026 21:54

There's a lot more to this but I'll just keep it simple.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to take my baby to visit his dad's parents? I have never stopped them from seeing him, they can come to my home & visit him but often cancel due to "commitments" or turn up late. They now think I should be taking my 4 month old baby to their house - it's 50 minutes away, I don't currently have a car, but apparently I could get a train or ask one of them to pick me up.

Babies dad and me have been living separately now for a couple of months, just tonight decided for now we aren't together, but this has been an issue from the start. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and says it's what everyone else would do, that I'm being awkward or anxious for the sake of it.

OP posts:
fridaynightzzz · 12/09/2026 21:56

Not unreasonable, you aren’t stopping them coming to you and his dad can take the baby to them. Otherwise it’s not your problem.

Hadalifeonce · 12/09/2026 21:57

Of course you are not BU. I wouldn't take a baby and all the parafanalia needed on a train, I have some it, and it's a nightmare. Would you be happy for the baby's father to take him?

Fhipiddf · 12/09/2026 21:58

Why doesn’t he take the baby? I don’t see why you’re expected to.

PurpleLovecats · 12/09/2026 21:59

Your ex can take him surely?

Floppyearedlab · 12/09/2026 22:00

Your ex can take the baby to them, assuming he drives.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/09/2026 22:01

You can invite them for a cup of tea at yours or a coffee shop or pub near you to meet baby.

once you have sorted ‘dads time’ he can take baby to then himself.

rhis is on dad to organize.speaking from experience of being a single mum since pregnancy

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/09/2026 22:02

Ps you’ll be vilified each way so don’t bother trying to please any of them

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/09/2026 22:02

Ps see my post from my era of life ‘aibu to reduce contact with ex mil’

SemmaLina · 12/09/2026 22:03

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/09/2026 22:02

Ps you’ll be vilified each way so don’t bother trying to please any of them

Exactly

Lindy2 · 12/09/2026 22:05

He's your ex. You don't need to be running around to please his family. You don't go to them on a train.

At 4 months old I'm assuming you don't feel comfortable being separated from baby particularly if you are BFing. They need to travel to you.

When baby is older, your ex can sort taking baby to his parents for visits.

Sess249 · 12/09/2026 22:07

You’ve such an easy out here “as you know I don’t have a car and I’m not dragging a tiny baby on a 50min train. I would be very happy for you to come and visit us”

Namenamchange · 12/09/2026 22:11

Are they unwell/immobile

LIZS · 12/09/2026 22:13

Floppyearedlab · 12/09/2026 22:00

Your ex can take the baby to them, assuming he drives.

This. If he has contact he can facilitate any relationship with them,

Original poster
Clover96 · 12/09/2026 22:14

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/09/2026 22:02

Ps you’ll be vilified each way so don’t bother trying to please any of them

That became evident when ex visited earlier. He explained he's had lengthy conversations with multiple family members and they all agree that I'm being abnormal, strange, isolating the baby, not "socialising" him - all nonsense.

I should have clarified that no, my ex 100% won't be allowed to take baby alone. He moved out when I found out he was struggling with addiction issues, I've given him the space to work on himself while allowing him to visit his son but never unsupervised and I don't allow baby in his car. His family are aware of all of this but they still think I'm in the wrong, that I should find a way around it and take my son to them rather than them "having to keep making that drive".

I also wouldn't want to be separated from my little one for any length of time, it's me that he looks for and settles for. Their last visit he screamed the full time they held him and then went to sleep in my arms, they moaned that they weren't able to take him out a walk. They also think I should leave him with them or my exs aunt "for a few hours" because it would be good for the baby and nice for them. My ex isn't understanding why I can't think of anything worse than this, he thinks I'm being dramatic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clover96 · 12/09/2026 22:15

Namenamchange · 12/09/2026 22:11

Are they unwell/immobile

No - they live 50 minutes away but his dad works closer to my home so is there everyday, and his mum is frequently in town about 15 mins from me doing shopping. They're always out and about.

OP posts:
Debbi62 · 12/09/2026 22:22

They sound like bully's , stick to your guns. Your baby is very young still. No way would i have let mine go to anyone's house without me at that age

Roosnoodles · 12/09/2026 22:35

They’re taking advantage of the fact that you’ve just had a baby so therefore quite stressed. Ask yourself would you be participating in this conversation if you didn’t have baby brain and just want them to leave you alone to get on with life for a while. Try and create some space from them. Talk to them if they phone but change the subject or excuse yourself if this subject gets brought up. If they continue to bully you. You need to stop being there for a while or this will be just the beginning of them thinking they can make demands and eventually you’ll fold. This could be a lovely new start for you if you let it.

saraclara · 12/09/2026 22:37

You make it clear that while they are able to make the drive, you cannot. And making the journey by public transport with a four month old baby is vastly more difficult than their drive.

Are they so stupid that they can't see that?

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 12/09/2026 22:37

They are being completely unreasonable - particularly given the reasons you have needed to split from baby’s dad.
Four months old is very little. If they had genuine concern for the well being of the baby, they would be listening to his Mum. You are being perfectly reasonable in offering for them to visit your house.
Don’t be bullied! You’re baby’s Mum - follow your instincts.

maybemaybenot17363 · 12/09/2026 22:41

I am with my DH and I have never taken my DC to see the inlaws... ever... because they're vile and horrible humans. Neither has my DH.

kombuchabucha · 12/09/2026 22:45

So sorry to hear about your parents addiction issues OP, that's tough.

They are all being ridiculous. It's very normal for people to come to your home to visit you and baby.

No one has ever put pressure on me to travel to them so they can see my babies, in fact it's been the total opposite! People have made it clear they would like to come and have asked when would be convenient, and then I have suggested good times/dates.

Who asks a new mum to take a 50m train ride to visit them when they can drive themselves?! Absolutely bonkers.

Yewlez · 12/09/2026 22:47

They are being ridiculous. I wouldn't even let them in my home. I would offer to meet them at a cafe local to you, and don't budge on it. It doesn't matter what they think of you, it's your baby and you hold the cards.

Original poster
Clover96 · 12/09/2026 22:48

Thank you all. Everything came to a head today and I felt pretty blindsided by my ex - although all of this has been mentioned before, it feels different when I've effectively been alone with our son for 2 months that him and his family are having these conversations about everything I'm doing / not doing. My little one is perfectly happy, he's out in his pram everyday, sees my mum most days (the difference being she actually comes to help), so it felt like a bit of a punch in the gut.
Ex has told me his mum plans on raising the issue of taking him to them soon so I can repeat all of this to her, I said that wasn't a problem. I wish I could stop them even coming to see him at the moment because I feel so uncomfortable (more so now) but I'm trying to remain as fair as possible and understand it's still his family.

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 12/09/2026 22:53

You and BF and not married and have split so these people are no relatives of yours.
Tell them if they continue to hassle you they will never see their grandchild again. Then block their phone for a few weeks. That should concentrate their mind wonderfully.

Grandparents have no rights in law unless the parents have been shown to be unfit. Your BF has addiction problems which would not be looked on kindly by a court.

Yewlez · 12/09/2026 22:54

I wouldn't talk to his parents, that's his job. Just repeat what you've said to him and tell him he needs to tell them. Disengage..

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