To cancel going to friends wedding

6 weeks notice is ridiculous and this is what she gets. I would tell DH he can go to his sisters wedding if he wants but you can’t pull out of being a bridesmaid. I would be so hurt if my friend did that 6 weeks before. I don’t think there’s any going back on that if you do it, it will cause irreparable damage to your friendship. Table plans, name tags and food will also be paid for

You must go to your friend's. It was the first invitation, plus you've paid for everything, plus you're in the wedding party.
Your DH's family should say 'Pity, but we quite understand.' That's the only gracious response. They are ill-mannered and trying to emotionally manipulate you. Six weeks' notice isn't realistic. Let them be angry.
Your DH needs to stand up to his family too.

Never heard anything as ridiculous in my life. Of course you have to go to the original planned wedding. You are part of the wedding party FFS. Expect to never hear from your friend again if you pull out now

People can change their minds. Especially when they realise their parents are controlling arseholes with no respect for them. Tends to make decisions like this easier.

You've absolutely done the right thing.

If the sister cared that much they would have checked the date before booking with their brother, i can't even imagine who wouldn't do this if they were actually going to care if they came or not. I dont think the DH should go to the sisters wedding either

Agree that ultimately there will be less fallout in the family if the husband goes to his sister's wedding. And that seemed to be the main concern throughout the thread.

Bridesmaids do not drop out of a wedding with six weeks to go. How the hell do your in-laws not understand that, @Watdidusay ?

I find it hard to believe the DH has gone from pushing his wife to attend his sister's wedding, then OP updating at lunchtime to say she's leaning towards cancelling on her friend, then all of a sudden, by dinner time not only has she text the inlaws at lunchtime (I do believe that), but her DH has also text them that he won't be attending - eeeeshk. I don't believe the latter part.

He's had a very sudden change of mind, and honestly, I think he should be attending his sister's wedding. Her friend will understand as OP is the most important one to be at the friend's wedding.

You’ve both done the right thing. You can’t back out of a wedding of a friend when you are bridesmaid this close to the event. I would have been devastated if a bridesmaid did that to me at my wedding. SIL and family will just have to deal with it. Hoping they see sense for your sakes as appreciate it’s a shitty situation but one of their own making unfortunately.

You have done the right thing. They sound absolutely batshit. Who does that? Then is so self-absorbed that they can’t understand you have a prior commitment?

Your OILs may be cross, but so what? They are going to have to suck it up. They are all being so unreasonable, I can’t even…

You have made the right decision!

What happened to the good old fashioned rule that once you committed to a social event you turned up, except for emergencies? The rule now seem to be I will turn up if I can be bothered or if nothing better turns up.

Your family are being rude and unrealistic. A in law is not real family. They are just some random person you are vaguely attached to because you married their brother. You have made a commitment and entered into some considerable expense. By staying with your original plans you are in the right and your family are in the wrong.

I'd go to the one I agreed to first.

You made a commitment. Your PIL shouldn’t make you feel that you have to prioritise them. You and DH are your own family unit now with your own set of loyalties and ethics. That doesn’t mean that the PIL don’t matter - you can still care about them, but they don’t get to dictate to you.

ETA - just saw your post about choosing to attend friend’s wedding! Great decision ❤️

Yes.

Surely it’s still reasonable for you to go to your friend’s wedding and your husband go to his sisters?

I bet your friend will understand that he needs to put his sister first, and I’m sure she will be ok. I actually do think he should go to his sister’s wedding, even though the date has been sprung on you. His sister v his wife’s friend - I can see why his family might be peed off.

That has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on for the OP 😂😂

Well done both for sticking to going to your friends wedding

Which people. I read it, she said they are going, plural

People should read the OP's latest update

Your husband can go to his sisters wedding surely? Only you need to go to your friends, yoh don’t drop out of being a bridesmaid. But your husband equally doesn’t need to be there,

Pleased you have let SIL.know you are not going. You have made the right decision. They know noe. They have disrespected you both and treated your husband appallingly. Let them come back if they will. Sense of entitlement is astonishing. Hope it all goes well.

Tough shit?

You have other plans.

Your SIL is ridiculous. You can’t let your friend down. That would be totally shitty.

If you're right, that's on OP. I hope you're wrong.

OP, if you don't honour your commitment to your friend, especially since you are in the bridal party, you are a shit friend. In the bride's place, the friendship would be over for me.

I hope your update is right. That is the only right thing to do here. If the update is right, good for you. You made the right and fair decision. How your ILs choose to react is for them to deal with, not you.

Well done @Watdidusay .

You should be proud of yourself. It's not easy standing up to controlling arseholes like this.