To cancel going to friends wedding

The last minute wedding and not checking your availability either means they’re not bothered whether you can make it or not or they’re arrogant and assume you will drop everything for them. Neither is good.

I wouldnt, really. She didn't even check they were free on that date so is she bothered about either of them being there?

I disagree with this,I would absolutely expect my husband to go to his sisters wedding,

well done OP

Well done you.

Please don't entertain any push back on this. They are completely out of line to expect you to treat another couple badly/rudely by blowing off their wedding (that you're in!) just because they now have decided to put on a event after you've made a commitment elsewhere.

I think you’ve done the right thing, hope DHs family get over it!

Well done to standing up to them

good that dh is coming to friend’s too.

I wouldn’t be surprised if SIL’s wedding date quietly changes

I'd written this:

I would 110% go to your friend's wedding. I agree with other posters that your husband should go to his family wedding. That is the fairest solution all round.

But just saw your update - hooray! Well done for standing up to the bullying outlaws. If they come back to you with more complaints and criticism, just ignore them. Morally you have done the right thing, no question - and if the outlaws can't see that, it tells you everything you need to know about them.

Well done for not bowing to the pressure from the in-laws!

[edit for spelling]

You can’t cancel. 6 weeks notice for a wedding is insane.

If your SIL is adamant you attend then she should have discussed the date beforehand. Otherwise I'd be going to the friends wedding and maybe the hubby can go to the sisters. I honestly wouldn't care if the whole family disagreed. You plan a wedding short notice then they have to expect this may happen

I think you can win, your husband should absolutely go to his sisters wedding, and you should absolutely continue to be bridesmaid. You can spend the day apart.

Taking the line of least resistance for an easier life would not be trying your best, though.

I’m glad OP has stood up to her unreasonable in-laws.

You're part of the wedding party for your friend so you can't drop her in it last minute to go to your SIL wedding that would surely be the end of your friendship if you did that. Explain to your DH & his family if necessary that you can't attend his Sisters wedding but are happy for him to go & you to go to your friends alone. Why have you only just got invite to SIL 6 weeks before?

So many people have said let DH go to SILs wedding but I know my friend will still be upset at the cancellation from DH.

You're looking for a magic solution where everyone is happy. There isn't one. This is making the best of a bad job.

I'd certainly view them differently, and probably pull back a little from the friendship.

DH and I didn't ask an old friend of both of us to be a witness at our wedding as he had form for being unreliable - as it happened he arrived late, mid-ceremony

You must surely go to your friend's wedding? She's the oldest bond.

Well done OP and OP DH. You stood up to the PIL and SIL! That is a massive win!

All these people saying expect to never hear from your friend again if you drop out - really?! What kind of friend would dump someone over something so trivial? Of course your wedding day is important and people should keep their commitments, but if in a situation like the OP's where the in laws and her husband are all pressuring her horribly, the idea you would hate someone for choosing to bow to the pressure is disgusting. Sometimes people can't do the right thing and that's ok, if not ideal. Being upset, fine. Dumping someone when they are trying their best, horrible. But glad to hear OP and DH have felt able to be strong and do what they think is right.

Good for you op!

Good decision.

The silence is also a win.

Wouldn’t surprise me if they already knew about the clash of dates, and went ahead anyway as a test of your resolve.

Absolutely the correct thing to do, well done. Have a lovely time!! 💖

Haven't read all replies but why on earth have you only now heard about a family wedding 6 WEEKS before it's happening?

Nope sorry you have a commitment to your friends wedding and I'd also want my husband with me , his sister is at fault giving such short notice, she will just have to suck it up.

Good for you! You've done the right thing.

Obviously, your in-laws are giving you both the silent treatment. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Absolutely do not both cancel going to your friend’s wedding! Apart from poor form you are in the wedding party!! That’s a massive let down last minute! I wouldn’t give a fook what the in-laws think, anyone who announces a wedding with 6 weeks to go is barking if they think everyone can just drop plans, especially major plans like your best friend’s wedding!
Maybe next time they arrange a life changing event they’ll have learned to give people more notice! A tough one for your DH but I think he should be with your at your friend’s wedding too. Who announces their wedding date to close family SIX weeks before??!! Or if it’s a last minute thing for whatever reason (pregnancy, illness etc) at LEAST check the date is ok for the important guests!