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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going to friends wedding

904 replies

Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:18

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

OP posts:
Autumngirl5 · 12/09/2026 21:39

I would also go to my friend’s wedding as you committed to it first. Surely everyone will understand.

Dandeloosha · 12/09/2026 21:38

Then they’ll just have to be angry. Either they’ll be angry or you’ll be angry that you’ve been unreasonably forced into this situation, so it may as well be them. No sense in deciding to make yourself angry.

NotSmallButFunSize · 12/09/2026 21:38

BeKhakiReader · 12/09/2026 21:38

So what if they’re angry. Let them. You honour the commitment you’ve made to your close friend.

Was about to type exactly this!

What does anyone expect with barely any notice? If it was that important they would have mentioned it ages ago

RedToothBrush · 12/09/2026 21:38

Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:28

Family are angry at me for even suggesting this though,that's the problem.

Show quote history

Tough shit.

Six weeks is too short. You have a commitment. They should have been more organised.

You can't let the friend down. Your husband can let your friend down under the circumstances so he doesn't let his sister down.

That is the compromise. They need to suck it up.

BeKhakiReader · 12/09/2026 21:38

So what if they’re angry. Let them. You honour the commitment you’ve made to your close friend.

euff · 12/09/2026 21:36

I don’t think it’s good form to cancel on your friend with this short notice unless death or sickness is the reason. If you are in the wedding party it sounds like you are close? Does your friend know about SIL’s invite?

LoudSnoringDog · 12/09/2026 21:35

“No, sorry I’m not free on that date” on repeat

Original poster
Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:35

Pumpkinsaregrowingnicely · 12/09/2026 21:34

Sorry but your loyalty should be to your friend..Will sil REALLY care if you don't show ??
I doubt it..

It's my parents in law who are angry

OP posts:
SquirrelGG · 12/09/2026 21:35

You are in your friend's wedding party, of course you can't pull out. Your ILs are being ridiculous and I would be telling them that I made a commitment and am sticking to it, and if they don't like it then tough luck.

iamjustwinginglife · 12/09/2026 21:35

Is the short notice typical of how she works-if not, have you considered some other reason eg. Is your SIL or partner ill and they’ve only got a short timeline

Pumpkinsaregrowingnicely · 12/09/2026 21:34

Sorry but your loyalty should be to your friend..Will sil REALLY care if you don't show ??
I doubt it..

Error404FucksNotFound · 12/09/2026 21:34

So let them be angry.
Go to your friends wedding.
Do not apologise.

Original poster
Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:34

ratatouillemousesqueak · 12/09/2026 21:29

I think you go to the one you’ve planned for and paid for! Lots of warning and you’re in the wedding party.

they must be mad to think that theirs trump that?! Don’t ditch your friend.

what does your DH think?

They do as its family which trumps everything unconditionally yes. To be honest this is normal for SIL and parents in law go along with it as they are scared she'll cut them off entirely. It has been this way forever.

OP posts:
WhiteFramesandPlanes · 12/09/2026 21:34

His sister is a prick! Go to your friends wedding

Hadalifeonce · 12/09/2026 21:33

We planned our wedding at quite short notice, but before confirming the date, we spoke to all the people we wanted to be there to ensure they were free.

saraclara · 12/09/2026 21:33

They are entirely unreasonable. You are in the wedding party, FFS! Your fully committed on every way.
If they're annoyed that you won't be attending, tell them to imagine how angry they'd be if you'd committed to SIL, was her bridesmaid, and then dropped out at the last minute.

And honestly, I don't think I'd care that they were angry. Your DH goes to his sister's wedding, you go ahead with your plans.

If also be pushing for an explanation of the short notice. Because that's what's caused the problem.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 12/09/2026 21:33

You cannot cancel when you’re in the wedding party!

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 12/09/2026 21:32

No way would I pull out of a friend’s wedding with 6 weeks notice. The fact you’re wedding party, I don’t even know why you’d consider it. Your in-laws may be angry but they’ve really no right to be.

Original poster
Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:32

Casualuser · 12/09/2026 21:30

Is SIL pregnant?

They already have children together, youngest is 4

OP posts:
CobraChicken · 12/09/2026 21:32

You should definitely go to your friend's wedding but I think your husband should probably go to his sister's.

Original poster
Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:32

Suspicioustoenails · 12/09/2026 21:28

Your friend's was booked 6 months ago and you've spent money and prepped for it

Did your SIL know this?
If so, easy answer, she can go whistle..go to your friend's wedding.

If SIL and family had no idea, it's a slight bit more difficult, but I'd still be inclined to honour the first invitation.

They had no idea we had a wedding on this date. But they also didn't ask. The only way they would know if we shared our personal calendars with them, which we haven't done. I don't know if that's a normal thing to do? I've never been asked.

OP posts:
Raptors · 12/09/2026 21:32

The family can be angry all they want, but honestly tough shit. If you do stupid things like give 6 weeks notice to immediate family for a wedding then don't be surprised they can't attend.

Attend your friends wedding and feel no guilt.

FateAmenableToChange · 12/09/2026 21:30

Does she have form for this sort of shite? I bet she does. Personally I wouldn't pander to it and politely decline. What does your DH think you (and he) should do?

Contain4 · 12/09/2026 21:30

Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:28

Family are angry at me for even suggesting this though,that's the problem.

Show quote history

Tough luck.

They’ll have to get over it.

Casualuser · 12/09/2026 21:30

Is SIL pregnant?